Tuesday, December 27, 2011


To all my readers and to the world in general:

Wishing 2012 be the best year you can remember. I am not going to say let ALL your wishes come true (as most of us don't believe in such luck).
What I wish is that your most desirable wish will come true in 2012; be it Finding True Love, Opening up a business, Advancing in your career, Getting pregnant, Getting married, Going to Brazil (your destination), Making love to Ryan Gosling (as long as your wish of getting married didn't come first:), Writing a book, Making a fortune and spending it on Travel, Family Reunion, 1 month vacation, Sleeping 8 hours a day, or Simply being happier.
Seriously, I want you to pick just One of your most desirable wishes and really believe that it will come true. I promise that as long as you truly believe it's possible it will happen. And if you post it on my blog, I'll make sure to talk to God about it, and we'll see what we can do ;)
Joke aside, I believe that anything is possible; that is realistically possible, something you know you can do but have very little faith, self doubt yourself or are simply afraid. Those are false and limiting mind sets that are keeping you away from achieving your dreams.
So please pick one wish, and know that no matter what happens to the rest of them this ONE will definitely come to reality.

As for me, tonight I am flying to Mother Russia to spend the most important day for me (NYE) with my parents, my mom and dad. This has been my dream for the last 10 years and is finally coming true!

I will reconnect with you all in 2012. Blessings your way and lots of love.

Friday, December 23, 2011

New Series

Cheers to everyone.

Just wanted to alert you that I'll be starting a couple of new theme series besides my "usual suspects", which are "Burning Questions Answered", "Dating Game", my love search/research, etc.
I've been thinking that as much as I love to keep developing myself, I would like the same for my blog.
Life is ever changing, and as I always say: "The only thing that is for sure is Change". It's not an original idea, it's been around for centuries, but has been my modus operandi for most of my adult life. Sorry for digressing again but once you embrace this philosophy you'll feel the weight lift off your shoulders and you'll feel excited about the future. Just take my word for it and try it:)

Anyway back to my new series, I'm going to explore on the following subjects:

1) Sex and sexuality;

2) Online dating experience;

3) Focusing on yourself, making your life a priority.

I know they all sound unrelated and somewhat unexpected. But that is the way I am: ever growing, ever exploring, ever developing.

All the subjects are of particular interest (passion really) to me. And writing about them is kind of a next logical step.
Here is some feedback:

1) Sex: I love. Honestly, crazy about it (if not obsessed at times). It's probably the only thing I would miss when I die (hopefully there is plenty of it wherever we go after our lives end here on Earth:). Sex is my forte and I can no longer keep it away from my blog. As such it will be fully addressed, with my usual passion and curiosity.

2) Online dating: I tried a few months ago, precisely after my trip to Spain in September. And let me tell you, it was nothing but a pure excitement. very unpredictable and totally exhilarating. Details to follow, and so is the name of the "best" online dating website these days:) it's specifically tailored for New Yorkers.

3) Focusing on myself. Once again I've decided to focus entirely on myself. Precisely, I am in the process of figuring out what I want to do with my professional growth. Basically, I want to work for myself. And as a strong woman with a secret distaste for following orders, I want to be my own boss.  Depend on no one.

In the meantime, I'll write about it all and keep you updated. As always, I wish to be an inspiration to those who are looking for answers, who are in a constant search for a more meaningful life. Wishing you all to have new plans and ideas for yourself as well. Especially now, that we are rolling into a new year. Not the best time to put pressure on yourself but always a good time to make an inventory of your plans (big and small). Take time and think of your dreams, desires and how important they are.

I am there for you.

Happy New Year!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Consequences of "Burning Questions Answered, Part III"

In my last post, after a significant shock endured, I proclaimed that I would once again focus on Me, Myself and I. In the end, this is so much easier to handle than love matters..

True to myself, that is exactly what I've been doing. I've started thinking about my life and the future. But you would think It's Fantastic, right? Well let me tell you, my reaction to this question is the same as of an any man when asked by his woman "Where are we standing and Where is it going?" Yes, terrified and unsure, wishing this question never popped, and the conversation didn't just wait to follow. But it's out there and you know, as a strong and responsible human being, you'll have to face it eventually.
So as much as I'd rather shove it back and move carelessly and lazily with my life as it is right now, I am pondering on my answer. Yes, I am a strong one, and to my own fault.
Basically I've been spending most of my free time thinking on what to do with my professional growth. What is my new passion that would make me tick once again and occupy my busy mind? What is it that would keep me going even when I only had 4 hours of sleep and it's below 30F outside? What is it that would shift my mind from sex and relationships once again?
Believe me, I love my job (otherwise I wouldn't be doing it), but I don't think I've reached my potential, not even close. Naturally I believe that there is more that I have and would eventually do. Doesn't everyone?
In any case, I am glad that I am off the subject of love for awhile and back to my own self. Whatever happens in the meantime is life, but the rest is my own making. And that is, my friends, all and completely up to me :)

Everyone, enjoy your holidays: Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanza, etc. And remember it's your life first, and the rest is just an app that either makes your life easier or more complicated. Your choice. But it's you who decides what's more important. Cheers!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Burning questions answered, Part III

Last Monday, I asked my male colleague/friend at work a question and, honestly, was shocked when I heard his answer. I actually think it was the biggest shock I got in a very long time.
Judge for yourself, here it is:

Me: "When did you realize that your wife was the One? and what made you believe this?"
Man: "There is no such thing as the One. At some point, when you're ready to settle down, you find the woman who has a lot in common with you. What she wants from life at this point also matters if it matches your desires."

As simple as that? No kidding. I spent years, years! searching/researching/investigating to understand how one realizes that this is the One and only. I truly believed that this is what makes the world go round and come back despite all wars and global warming. I bet my whole experiment on love on this. I reserved myself from great men, amazing lovers simply because I thought they weren't the ONE. And the Man tells me that There is no such thing as the One. Make peace with it. Men don't think there is the One and Only. They believe there is timing and inevitability..

Me: "How is it possible? I always thought I had to end up with a man I thought was the One for me. This is the reason I never got married, never had family, kids (kids!). This is the reason I still searched for I truly believed I needed, No I had to, feel that he was the One. And you're telling me that men don't care about it?"

Man: "Sasha, you're a smart girl. Don't think about it too much. Focus on your own life, and don't make relationships your priority. Or you risk to be disappointed a lot. Don't make relationships your priority in life, period. You have so much in you!"

Thank you my man. Thank you for telling me this, it's like I finally saw the picture in its real colors, I finally could see why so many people get married/divorced, have kids and then leave. Really, if men don't think they need to search for a woman that makes them believe she is the One, why should we, women, spend our lives doing just that? But wait a second, there are women who probably don't believe that either and just marry for other reasons. Could it be the reason there is more than a 50% divorce rate in the country?

I was happy to learn about this. Even more, I was happy to follow his advice about not making relationships my priority. Once I made it my Modus Operandi, the weight had actually lifted off my shoulders and I was able to focus once again on the most precious thing in my life: Me:) And only good productive things come out of it, believe me.

But I've still decided for myself that I don't want to risk to be the part of those unfortunate <50% as long as I don't settle down with the one who simply doesn't feel or seem right. I simply refuse to contribute to the growth of this figure.. For now? I'll just focus on Me, and relationships won't be my priority. They will be a dessert I decide either to have or not after I had a delicious and satisfying meal. Bon appetit, everyone!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

à la française

You know your life has made a turn when you find yourself on a New York Sunday afternoon having brunch with a crowd of 8 French.
Exactly where I found myself this lovely Sunday afternoon, and let me tell you, not have only had I a good time, I've felt just as comfortable as I did the whole time I was in Paris 2 years ago.

First of all, in their unmistakable French way, they managed to find in NY a place that had the most perfectly cooked eggs Benedict and french fries, with linen covered tables and unlimited champagne. Secondly, they spoke French, exchanged sassy smiles, and used expressive hand gestures and I felt in my element.
Not to sound like a Francophile but I happen to feel at ease with the French and in France. Maybe it has to do with my European background or the fact that I was raised on French music and movies, whatever the reason, their language has always been the music to my ears. And whenever I hear about their famously arrogant attitude (even from the French themselves) I argue with passion that I've never encountered such.
Still today I've given more thought on my complete acceptance of all French and realized that it had to do with other than their perfect style, impeccable taste and natural sexiness. I believe it has to do with their absolute honesty. They say what they think, they mean what they say, they do what they mean. Whether one might find it pleasing or not, I respect it above all. Honesty of a character and actions that support it are admirable to me for one (though not the only) reason: I never have to second guess. I'd rather know the truth and straight to my face. The French not only know how to do it, they do it. Knowing that one means what one says and is not hesitant to say it doesn't turn me off. Quite the opposite, it builds on my trust and respect. Cheers to that.

Hope everyone had a lovely Sunday today in NY and everywhere else. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Burning questions answered, Part II

This is a continuum of an active discussion with my male colleague on relationships and differences between men and women

Me: Is it ok to date several people at the same time?

Man: If you're just going out and spending time together, it's ok. But if you're sleeping with different people, it's not ok. Even if there is no agreement on going exclusive, as soon as you hit the sheets no man would want to share you with another.

My conclusion: Date as much as you want as long as there is nothing intimate. But once you become intimate with one guy the rest have to go. I've very often found myself in a situation when there was more than one man seeking my attention. I would take time and try to learn a little more about each one of them before making a choice. However my rule has always been: No matter how much I like all of them and see possibilities with any of them, the first one I became intimate with is the one I will choose. Name it a gut feeling or simple morals. Bottom line is that your body can't lie to you, listen to it and follow your instincts.

Also your body will always send you a signal whether this person is good for you or not.
If you're feeling at ease and your body is in a very relaxed and natural state, this person might be the match. If you're tense and just don't feel well though can't explain it, sit back and try to feel it more. Most likely that person is not right for you.
Same goes with intimacy. A good connection will always lead to a passionate and smooth sexual experience. There won't be awkward moments and forceful desires. The both will have a blissful connection and will feel satisfied in the midst and after the contact. If you feel that you need to fake a slightest reaction, stop. True passion is what you are after, don't lie to yourself.

I know I've digressed a bit, it's just so easy to get carried away with this :)
Bottom line: date, flirt, have fun. But your body is a temple, only special ones should have the privilege to have access to it. And if you listen to it, it will surely let you know who it should be.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Me, happy

Greetings to all.
Before going to bed, I wanted to say that I am very grateful for my life and everyone participating in it.
Special thanks go to my loving and truthful friends: Nadya, Jonathan, Valerie, Natalie, Khushboo, Akash, Lana. I love you all and want to thank you for being in my life, you have a special place in my heart forever.
Also thank you to my family and especially my most adorable and affectionate niece Alexandra. You mean the world to me.
Thank you to my colleagues and their support. I feel accomplished and myself around you.
Thank you to my pet Josephine for constantly teaching me how to take care of someone special and how to give love and appreciation every single day.
Thank you to all guys I've dated for you helped me get closer to understand who I am as a partner and who I want.
Thank you Javi for helping me find my way back.

Thank you to P for making me feel my best when with or without you. For the peace and bliss you give my soul, mind and body.

Thank you to all who read my blog. I hope it gives you hope and assurance in true heart, in true love.
My gratitude to all who find inspiration and motivation to follow their heart.

Blessings to all.

With all my heart.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Burning questions answered, Part I

It just happens that at my current job, I am blessed to have wonderful colleagues. I work at a PR firm and even our Finance team has a strong creative bone. The fact that a lot of people have various passions other than finance was obvious almost right away.. But it was to my biggest surprise and pleasure to find out last month that one of my colleagues (a man!) is writing a book on relationships.
As soon as this fact surfaced and I shared with him my secret passion for blogging about relationships, we launched a continuous and passionate discussion about relationships between men and women. It's become a very beneficial collaboration for both. I've been giving him a lot of ideas to write about in his book; he's been giving me honest and detailed answers on men. Most of them opened the secret door to a man's mind. Yes, I've finally found a secret door to a man's mind. And I trust that it's as real as it can get. So get ready to find out some truths about men from a man himself.

I'll cover a series of Q&A's, the ones I feel to be the most burning, and you tell me what you think about it. I'll present them in an interview fashion and my friend's responses will be presented under Man as he speaks not only for himself but for all men out there.

1. Me: Why would a man pull away after he put in a lot of effort to win a woman and he was successful?
Man: He simply realized she wasn't his type. There are 3 types: 1) For fun; 2) For dating; 3) For marrying. If the guy is looking for one particular type and you don't fit it, he will lose his interest pretty fast. Let's say he likes you a lot, and he has fun with you, but it doesn't mean you'll meet his "dating type" material, left alone "marrying" material.

Something to be aware of: When a man meets a "marrying" type, he just has that feeling inside that tells him that he wants to spend his life with this woman. He'll walk down the street and will see her face in everyone's face. Also keep in mind, men are connected to a woman on a physical/sexual level while women are connected on an emotional level. Basically a man will never confuse his physical attraction with an emotional one. While women tend to blend those together.

My Conclusion: Ladies, stop replaying all the conversations and asking yourself what you've done wrong if a guy who was so persistent in the beginning suddenly disappears. It is much more simple. He just realized you're not his type for a serious relationship. or not the type he is looking for at the moment. Whatever the case, don't beat yourself up. Just move on and be mindful. Don't confuse a physical attraction with an emotional one. Just because he gives you an orgasm, hugs and kisses you in all the right places, holds you after sex, and carries you to bed does NOT mean he is the ONE. Listen to your instincts.

to be continued..

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Update III

First, let me promise you that there won't be an "Update IV" after this post. I am completely aware that I've been slacking off and simply posting updates on my whereabouts. That I have been avoiding my noble promise of writing a blog religiously about my dedicated search for true love.. That I've been leaving you in the dark about it. But let me promise that once I am ready to tell you everything that is happening in my life right now you will understand my deliberate avoidance. I simply need to see the fruition of something very beautiful before I could share it with you.

Yes, I've been busy with work. Yes I've been busy with my social and personal lives. Basically, I've been in the spot in all areas of my life. And to be perfectly honest with you, I enjoy it. I see how my life is turning in the direction I've always visualized for myself once I let all doubts go and simply follow my true self. It is the life that I create and have a complete awareness of my creations. It's pleasing to realize your own power of creation and hold on certain events that take place. I am happy.

In the last month, I've met great people, not only guys but ladies who have expanded my circle of friends and acquaintances. It's been an exciting month. I've gone hiking for the first time in my life, I've kissed a Russian guy for the first time in the last 10 years, I've traveled to Brooklyn for the first time in the last 8 years, I've fallen in love with skinny pants, I've laughed more than I had in the last 2 years, I've been to my first Christening, I've gone to a religious event for the first time in my life and fell in love with a music band there (they rock!). But most importantly I've been living my life by following my heart and nothing else. And that is proving to be the best thing I could have ever decided to do.

Now I am going to leave you for awhile but not for long. I suspect you're anxious to find out how my search for true and happy love in the city is going. It started in April of this year, and I want to thank everyone who's been following it. For I know that all we, New Yorkers, really want is true love, is someone to trust, someone to hold us tight even when not around. I am on a mission to prove that it is not only possible in the most exciting city in the world but is practically unavoidable once you let it in. Just keep your faith, just let it in.


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

My favorite word

It just happens I usually have a favorite word at a certain period of my life. You know the one you just always notice whenever someone says it and it's like music to your ears. You almost right away feel affinity for that person, simply because they said "your" word.. Although there are some words that make you want to gag when you hear them but this post isn't about them. The word you love is different; it has a special place in your heart for it certainly breaks the lock and goes straight to the bottom of it. I don't know if I am alone in this passion for words but those who have this illogical if not insane affection as well will understand what I am expressing here.

Anyway for a long period the word "Amazing" held that special place, then I fancied "Sweet", "Super", etc... They would come and go. And for about 2 years I didn't fancy anything. I think my ex-partner's obsession with word "Awesome" was too much too handle and I just couldn't make a room for my own. Not till last month at least..

Yes, just the way love sneaks up on us, a new favorite word found the way to my heart suddenly and unexpectedly. And it's not "Love", in case you are taking a guess. My new favorite word is "Sure".

It was in Spain when Javi and I were talking about something. He said something to which I replied with my somewhat usual "Really?" it was then when he said "Sure" in such a lovely affirmative way that my heart just melted. Like there was no doubt, no confusion. My mind responded with unquestionable trust and my heart opened and welcomed a new favorite word.

Then I've heard it several times and every time my heart would just expand with joy. It's so physical I can't control it. That's how I know that I love something.

I was happy to have my new word though I noticed how different it is from the ones I loved in the past. It wasn't as sweet as others, it couldn't be used in almost any sentence, definitely can't be used in any response. In fact, I think the true meaning of "Sure" is very rare in our modern life, especially here in New York. The word has many meanings, of course, but the one that I love and refer to (affirmation to something said that erases any doubt) is truly rare this days.

I think re-assurance has never been more important to me. And I just hope that I'll be hearing more of "Sure" in a rightful and deserving way, of course.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Steven Jobs was a gift to this world. It's with sadness yet greatest appreciation for his life and contribution that I want to say Good bye to one of the greatest men of our times. The video (below) with his speech to graduates gives some idea on why this man was special and made a difference in the world.
His messages are:

1) Connecting dots. It's only when looking back that we can connect the dots so take a leap of faith and follow your heart;

2) Love and loss. Keep looking, never settle. Follow your heart;

3) Death. Remembering that you're going to die gives no reason to not follow your heart. Your time is limited so don't waste it on living someone else's life. Follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.

Do you see that in all of his messages, he stresses on importance of following your heart. Be it in what you want to do, love, or anything else. I stand by it, as you already know it if you read my blog. And Steve Jobs's life couldn't be a better example on why this is the best and only way we should live our lives.

With all my love and respect to Steve Jobs, a man who followed his heart.

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die Video on TED.com

Monday, October 3, 2011

Update II

I realize that you might be curious on where I am standing now as far as dating is concerned. Well let me tell you, it's raining men... After my last summer shenanigans and an unsuccessful ending on all counts I took some time to reflect, mostly, on what it was that I really wanted, and why I had a disconnect between what I believed I wanted and what was materializing in my physical reality.

I truly believe that everything that happens to us is of our own making, we have a complete responsibility. Therefore I realize the reason I've been unsuccessful so far in creating a happy relationship (as planned) is definitely something I need to search inside myself. Could it be that I am not ready as much as I would like to think? Could it be that I am scared to fall again? Could it be that I just don't believe it's possible? Could it be that I am not listening to myself? Could it be that I secretly want to be single and independent? I could ask myself many many questions on a possibility of this issue. But they are all rhetorical questions. The ones all those self-help books tell you to ask yourself to search for the reasons. But can we all use the same approach? Aren't we all unique and need unique ways to look for the answers?
After somewhat exhaustive soul searching, all I could come up with was it's many answers and most of them I probably won't know till I know.. But for now I find comfort in telling myself one of my favorite quotes from a movie Risky Business: Sometimes you just gotta say "What the fuck. Make your move."

Yes what the fuck... I don't know the answers right this second (not just yet), and you know what I don't give a f**. At least not for now. I believe I'll have the answers one day, and might not even care about them as much by then. But for now, I decided to just make a move. I'm dating again! Yes, I just happened to find myself in a high demand these days. when the markets are stumbling, my stock has never been higher :)
Joke aside though, I've never had so much attention in my life.. And I have a sneaky suspicion it has something to do with my Whatever approach. I just want to live my life and follow my heart, with no fears, no analysis, no judgment, no reservation. Just with the flow.
And let me tell you, I am living and feeling differently and yet so authentically this time around. All I am doing is being internally happy and complete with myself, simply observing people around, being open and approachable, but not exposed. And just listening to my heart, my voice within. For this is the wisdom and I trust it completely. And if I don't hear it, I just do nothing before I hear it. Also acknowledging that it might not speak for there is nothing yet to say and it will speak loud enough for me to hear when I need it. I reserve my heart to only follow its instincts, no mind chatter, no social boundaries, no cold analysis. Just my heart, just my gut, just my instincts. Let's see where they take me. But I couldn't be more excited and yet so peaceful. At last..

Thursday, September 29, 2011


Hi all,

I just wanted to give a quick update in case you were wondering where the hell I disappeared again. I didn't fly back to Spain though it crosses my mind at least once a day every day since I got back. Neither have I withdrawn to recharge my batteries as I did a couple of months ago. Nor have I madly fallen in love and been spending most of my awaken time in a lala land.

It's a crunch time at work (the one that pays my bills and beats my brains out, wink)..

Besides, I started an experiment on dating which takes the rest of my free time. I promise I will share about it in a greater detail once I have more facts and do my analysis (sorry for the inappropriate language, too hard to switch my mind right now).

So for now just letting you know that I am on it. That is, on my dating experiment. Details to follow.


Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A Giant Umbrella

This post I want to start with a silly question. What is more ridiculous than a bow tie? giving you 10 seconds, go. Answer: A giant umbrella. You didn't see that coming did you?

Well I'll tell you what, I noticed a giant umbrella's existence long ago but today while walking home in the rain I just couldn't ignore its presence anymore. You know which one I am talking about? It usually has a company's logo on it and it's by all standards huge, gigantic indeed. It's like a cherry grown on pesticides. It's oversized. I can't stop. It could fit 5 of me (size 2 and grinning:) under it. You get the point!

Seriously it takes up half the street. And who carries it but a guy in a suit, with a tie. Of course, it's not even him carrying it, its his ego all the way. Here is my message to all of you, clean cut guys out there, when you know it's going to rain and you'll be proudly parading with your giant umbrella please put on a bow tie. That way you'll kill two birds with one stone. Just a tip and free of charge.

What would Freud say about such a distasteful display? Small penis perhaps? Just curious..

Anyway this post is in no way to offend the proud owners of a gigantic umbrella given them at some company's event or as a gift from someone who has a small penis. I do realize it could be due to the fact that it was the only umbrella available and who wants to get wet? Though I have more sympathy for the people with umbrellas that look like a spider web and just as dangerous to get close to for they will poke you in the eye. We all have them. It's the destiny of all umbrellas bought from a guy on the street for 5 bucks. Just get one and you'll find out for yourself.
This post is just to give you an idea what it looks like to an innocent observer. Me.

And what umbrella did I have today? As simple as it gets, no umbrella. Yes, I walked 45 blocks with rain falling on me. I was wet from head to toe which I so much more prefer than a giant umbrella taking up half the street, knocking off everyone walking by, and sending a questionable message about my sexuality..

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Back in NYC

Hi all,

Just wanted to check in and let you all know that I am back in New York. Actually have been back for several days now but still feel out of place if you know what I mean. First of all, the trip itself was extremely awakening (I'll explain later). Secondly, it's always hard to come back to polluted air, stressed out people, and bad wine..
Seriously what is it with the pace in the city. Why is everyone running as if we all have a plane to catch? If the reason being late, why not just leave earlier? If the reason too many things to do, why not just do less? I don't know I am feeling it more than ever this time and it seems like a waste of life to me right now. We just don't ever stop and enjoy the day here. Even if there is no particular reason it's still a marathon to get from point A to point B. Europe is different. Maybe other cities in the US are different too but they are dull really. While in Europe you can be happily lazy, i.e. enjoy life at a very slow pace filled with fun things..
Sorry for digressing but I needed to explain why I'm feeling out of place since I got back from Spain. and have been avoiding my responsibilities, wink..

Anyway, the trip was amazing on many levels, yet as I already mentioned awakening too. Something absolutely unexpected happened in relation with my sibling and my own perception of the world. My sister and I had some unsettling developments that made me question many important life aspects. Most importantly, trust and belonging. It's too complex to explain. Besides, due to our family ties I have no intention on keeping it other than hers and my own business.
Then an amazing guy I met 2 years ago (and reconnected with every time I went to Spain) brought me to a place that I can say with no doubt is a Heaven on Earth. It was a beach right on the tip of the south of Spain, and where the Mediterranean sea meets the Atlantic Ocean. I am not going to describe it for there is no way I could ever do it. All I can say that when I was there I thought that this place was a reality in it's pure Godly form and everything else was just an illusion created by man.
I was touched by the events that happened to me during my trip. They made me look at life and people around me differently which made me happy and sad at the same time. Sad for realizing that I was very often wasting myself on undeserving people and that it took me awhile to realize it. Happy that I finally was able to see that and realize that it wouldn't happen again. I was able to see again that there are people you can trust and guys who can make you feel happy and safe even if just for the time spent together. I feel that I was able to turn back time and go back to being 20. Not only outside (my breakouts and freckles keep confusing people about my true age) but also inside. I learned how to trust again. I also realized that it was natural for me to trust and it is so much easier to do than not to.
The reason I lost it in the first place was because since coming to the US I always dated men relatively older than me (10-17 years senior) as I was looking for a father figure. You see, growing up, I was very close with my dad (more than my mom), and unconsciously was trying to replace him here with older men. Side effects were manipulation on their part and my lost trust in men as a result. It took me 9 years to realize that but as they say it's better late than never :) I could be wrong that this was the only reason for my lost trust, but I believe it was a major one. As I explore more on that subject, I am sure to let you know.

But for now, I will put a stop to this post as it's getting too long and most people already stopped reading it (too many things to do in NY), and I am not about to push myself either. But I will continue and it will be a fresh start, a fresh pair of eyes, still my true heart but with my newly reawaken faith.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Dating Game II

I know I've left you in the dark about what happened in Vegas and especially what happened after.
First calm down, all went well, I didn't have to run and get a room to save myself from a maniac. Quite the opposite, M and I had a wonderful time. I know I did. But as cliche as it sounds, that wonderful time stayed in Vegas.
I came back to NY and to reality.
It was a very busy time for me, on love front that is. You know how it always happens all at once. I had my mind on M, JM and RD (just seeing them of course, nothing else except for one). Trying to figure out who I liked the most, who to see and who would I possibly date.. Choices, decisions..
Needless to say, none of them came to play any role. I figured something important, if I wasn't sure about either one it meant that none of them had stepped forward enough for me to make that decision. And as soon as I made that realization they all quietly disappeared.. I still talk to JM, considering that we've known each other for 4 years now. Once again, he transitioned back to a good old friend I see twice a year to catch up on the world affairs and cross cultural differences. RD has transitioned into a friend category. and it seems to be going just fine, we are both intelligent people. Besides we enjoy each other's company immensely. M has simply transitioned into a wonderful past experience..
It was then when I felt exhausted emotionally and took a break from dating.
Even though several weeks ago, I informed you that I was back in the game, I am not dating at a full force just yet; taking my time. I wouldn't probably at all but as you know when you have the least interest you get the most.. Since I get quite a bit of attention and trying to treat people the way I want to be treated I have an occasional date now and then. But I am in no rush to get to know anyone as soon as I normally do. So for now, I'll just leave it at this. Updates to follow.

Also I am going to Spain next week and coming back mid September. I will miss you guys though most likely won't be able to get to my writing till I'm back. But I promise once I am back there will be alot of exciting catching up on my part. I am planning to have an awesome time in Spain, and there is even a little treat for me.. I'll tell you all about it later. For now, enjoy the last summer days in NY, and look forward to a new season in the city.


Thursday, August 25, 2011

One Thing I learned In All My Years...

Today I was hit with a quote muse. Literally, as I was walking home, I had to stop every 5 minutes to write each one down.
I know you might say You? Quotes? Yes, I am no Winston Churchill or Mark Twain but I was full of them today, they just attacked me. You can take them with a grain of salt, a smile, or even criticism. But quotes are just short statements of our principles, observations. We all have them and I encourage you to look for your own. Here we go, my quotes:

  • Most people are weak. The ones who say they are not, don't even have courage to admit it.

  • I am not afraid to be single. Sometimes I'm even looking forward to it so I'll be able to forget all the disappointments I incurred in a relationship.

  • All men want is just to sleep with you.. It's usually fine with me as we have that in common.

  • I have yet to meet a man who is a great lover and normal.

  • Great sex is the only reason I put up with a weakness in a man.

  • The only time a woman has a total control over a man is right after sex and before he realizes he is not on the Moon.

  • When a man orgasms, it's the end of a journey; when a woman does, a journey has just started.

  • The distinct difference between having sex with a man and pleasuring yourself is that a woman won't stop before she orgasms at least 5 times.

  • Most women are spiteful. That's why I prefer men as friends even though I know they all want to sleep with me.

  • People I admire the most are the ones who don't let others get to them.

  • Weren't it for my love for sex most men would just be friends I have dinners with.

  • I'd still choose to be a woman. At least we have make-up to make ourselves feel better.

  • Do all men cheat? No. Some of them are too scared.

  • Most men lie about three numbers: age, penis size and bank account. Women lie about one: how many orgasms they faked.

  • Never listen to an advice nor give one. Unless you're talking to yourself.

  • Women who are afraid to be single haven't learned how to orgasm on their own yet.

  • The only action men are never hesitant to take is to get their penis to action. And it's only because it has a mind of its own.

  • If there is only one thing I had to say.. To men: Don't underestimate women. To women: Don't overestimate men.

  • If you and your partner resort to kinky sex too often it means someone isn't getting off that often.

  • If a woman says Money isn't important, she is either lying or knows what great sex is. If a man says Money isn't important, it's either he could never make any or.. wait there is no Or.

  • Never go to a strip club with your man. You'll end up disappointed no matter what. If it's only disappointment you got out easy.

  • The only way I would get a tattoo, if I were unconscious. They turn me off.

  • The reason why I always smile is because I have difficulty crying.

  • Sarcasm is the last thing I resort to. It means I finally don't give a fuck.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Most Important Love

"Figuring out who you are is the whole point of the human experience" -- Anna Quindlen.

This post is an addition to the previous one where I stressed on importance of making friends with yourself. Very often we are our own worst critic, we beat ourselves up, criticize, and even hate sometimes. I know I'd felt/done those hurtful actions to myself. That is before I figured out that I am really the only one who will always be there for me, seriously Till death do us part. You can't argue with that :)
If you think about it, you are with yourself 24/7, and after all this time together we still manage to be anything other than loving to ourselves. Maybe because we get too much of ourselves and need a break? Then get out of your head, meditate, whatever makes you shift your focus.
But the most important thing is to find passion for yourself, to learn what makes you tick, to look for things that please you. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and am very excited when it's something completely out of the blue. Like 2 years ago I had no idea that I would love running so much. That I'd feel a great sense of freedom when horse back riding. That I would write a blog and love it. and so on and so on.
Look for new things, have fun doing it. If you develop this love and appreciation from within, the Universe will match it. You'll have more people who appreciate you, you'll see better treatment wherever you go. Your life will change. For it has to, once you love yourself you won't accept anything other than respect and appreciation.
Sometimes I would tell some of my friends who struggled finding the love for themselves. Imagine that you have a daughter (or son, it's easier to imagine a daughter as we tend to be more protective of girls) and how you would love her and never let anything bad happen to her. No bad people, no bad jobs, no bad boy-friends. And then apply that same approach to yourself. Really if you think about it, that little girl is the part of you and needs your TLC :)
So please find ways to love yourself. Start a journey of learning about yourself, and expect that it will be a lifetime journey. Lastly, the more you know yourself the less you'll wonder why your life isn't treating you right.

I am wishing you all realize that you are the only one who will always be there for you. Just that fact alone deserves unconditional love and appreciation on your part.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Time alone - precious time

I have a little end-of-the-day ritual which I try do at least once a week, all by myself. On that day, I have no plans after work, I usually go to the Central Park, or gym, basically do something that relaxes me. Whatever it is, it has to be time alone.  Then I go home and unwind my way..
I was able to do it tonight and felt compelled to share it with you. It is so important to value the time spent alone, and make the most of it. To live life fully, you need to make best friends with yourself, and the time spent alone will never feel lonely. You're happy, you're with your best friend..
So tonight, after a run at the gym, I got home at a reasonable hour and had those 2 hours that I need to unwind. I put on my sexy slip, have a glass of Pinot Noir in bed while being online listening to Jazz. I love old school jazz, a la Glenn Miller Orchestra, or vocals such as Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. I always had affection for old school things, probably has to do with mine being an old soul :) or simply a love for romance.. whatever..
This time alone makes me feel whole and complete, I feel connected. I want to share this with you as I truly believe that you get most connected when by yourself. And the most magical things happen when you're connected. You are happy no matter what the circumstances are. You are simply happy to be you.

If you know what I mean and practice it, good for you. If you don't, I would advise you go on an exciting journey of discovering who you are. Falling in love with yourself. Making best friends with yourself. In the end, only when you love your own company will others appreciate it too.

Love and blessings!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

All or Nothing

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
Anais Nin

It still amazes me how we people might perceive certain things other than they truly are. Specifically, how we see someone first, only to have our opinion change later on once we get to know the person. It happens all the time. Just think of a person you thought was this and that, and then once you got to know them better you realized how wrong your initial perception was..
I usually don't have many of those experiences due to my natural gift of perception and intuition (if no one praises you...) But I do have those moments and I am happy when the person turns out more beautiful than I originally thought.
But what amazes me the most is how I hear people tell me about their initial perception of me.. It's true, we live our lives within, it's the world we have inside ourselves. But I just didn't know how different my inner world could be from some of the perceptions people have of me. I believe it applies to many people though, I am not an individual case..
Basically most people who don't know me that well and I would say don't have those natural perceptive abilities think me as emotionally strong, determined to a core, extreme perfectionist with little tolerance for weaknesses.. Basically a super woman with high demands from herself and others..
Well let me tell you this. I am not even 50% of that. Yes, I am strong and a perfectionist, but when it comes to emotions, I am a as a woman as it can get. I just learned how to control it, and my natural optimism is my perfect mask. Perfectionism.. Yes, I get impatient when people don't get it, when they are slow and not bright enough. But it's because of my own demands from myself. Believe me I am the toughest on myself to be fast and bright. I just forget sometimes that those are demands for myself and not others.
I have a few weaknesses, we all do. But they are not the ones most people think. Some of them are my constant need to be the best I can be, to do better..  To feel guilty when not doing anything.. To compare myself to others.. To feel pain for the homeless. To cry when an animal is hurt... To run away from fights with a partner.. To not return his calls until I am emotionally ready.. To shut down if someone screams at me.. To not being able to return once I said No.. To expect either all or nothing at all..
But I am working on them, and I do accept the fact that some weaknesses I'll never overcome. If an animal suffers i'll cry when I am 92 y.o.. I'll never accept someone screaming at me. never. But I am making an effort to learn to see the shades of grey, to let myself be lazy sometimes, to respond even if I don't want to, to not expect perfectionism from others.
In the end, learning to embrace my strengths more, which are much much grander than my weaknesses.

We'll never be perfect but we can be perfectly compatible with some. It's the knowledge of one's strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of them and authentic life that brings one closer to those who are compatible. This creates harmony where all traits become strengths.
Summary: Live your life authentically, accept yourself and let others be who they are. Follow your heart.  and remember that we all have different worlds within ourselves so never take anything personally. For the person who seems invincible and strong might be the most vulnerable one. Know thyself and let others be.


Monday, August 15, 2011

Baby I'm for Real

I just have to warn you, this will be a corny post, even dorky.. Well I’ll have to risk my reputation on this one..
Have you heard a song “Baby I’m for real” by Michael McDonald? I know, I know.. But I love what it says. Don’t you just want to hear those words from a man you are with? A man you loved? A man you love? I’d say at least from a man you love and who proclaims to love you too. And it’s not just that you hear those words, you believe them too.
I heard many love confessions, something along the lines "I feel that God created you just for me (selfish..), You're the best, and only with me can you experience such love (selfish more..), Did your parents know you're so hot (Common!!) I'll stop before it's too late.. I still care about my reputation :)
So I heard it all from the men I loved and the ones I didn't. But I never heard what I really wanted (and still do) to hear. Baby I am for real!!

In this cynical world, especially NY, this is what we, women, really want to hear. And not just hear, but know that it is indeed real.
I know ladies will agree with me, and maybe some men (the ones who are still looking for an answer to a lifetime question What Women Want?) will do too. If you're not for real say so. No one will chase you, I promise. But if you are, don't be afraid to voice it as there is a chance this is exactly what your woman wants. 

Friday, August 12, 2011

My early work I

As promised, I wanted to share some of my early writing. I've been writing all my life but most of it has been simply sent to the Universe. Not that I ever thought to save it, just was channeling my unfulfilled creative desires. That's why I was so happy to have recently found a memory stick from 4 years ago that had a part of my journal. Bear in mind I was 25 back then and going thru some serious personal and professional transformations. I believe it was (how they say it) the best and the worst of times. 
The piece below was written during my former company's training. For quiet some time I was angry with my parents for not being there for me. If you recall from my first posts, I came to the US as an international exchange student at 19 and never went back.. Parents had no physical presence really, at times I even felt that I was all on my own. I don't feel that way now, but again I am more mature now and see things differently. However back then I was blaming some of the hardship on them. Mom and Dad, I love you and am sorry for ever feeling that way. You're the best parents and always took care of me. It was my choice to leave and stay here and for that I take full responsibility.

     "She woke up early this morning. Again. It has been already three days in Orlando, and three nights in a hotel bed, yet      she still couldn’t find that comfort and easiness to make it thru the night for at least 5 straight hours. Well there is always another day, another night to try again. Considering all the facts, she was feeling well, not tired at all, just a little uneasy about having the signs of sleeplessness around her green eyes.

Last night, again it was a strange dream that could mean many things to an imaginative mind. But she knew well enough that it was that feeling of a suppressed anger with her parents for not being around and not giving a hand when it was needed. She has been on her own since 19; taking care of herself financially, emotionally, and any other way a person would do when been thrown out in deep waters of an adult life; no way back, no guidance, no life saver or even a luxury of a thought that one would be provided when waters became too wild and dangerous.
Then it would not come as a surprise that hope was something of a remote and fictional character to her. It had no substance, for in order to have such it would need to have another human involved, someone to depend on. If there was any resemblance of a hope in her restless mind, it would be a fleeting thought that she could never fail herself. Yet the thought was always fleeting, for hope would simply imply that she didn’t have total control of her life, and that would mean that there was a chance of being drowned. Life is too dangerous to entertain such a thought. So the only way the unfulfilled hope could channel itself would be those rare dreams of anger with her parents.
Therefore, it was the biggest surprise, to her mostly, when she would find a child in her, some spark of innocence and naiveté. It would be a nice & cozy, though an imaginary, feeling of having a cushion to fall on. At those moments, she believed in its existence for two reasons, one was that the feeling itself was a joy, the other is that she knew well enough that she would never fall and, therefore, no cushion would be needed. But it was nice to entertain that thought and let herself be silly and childish sometimes, even if it was just as unreal as her hope.''

Friday, August 5, 2011

Ideal Man?

Last time we were out, my girl-friends and I had a hot discussion about our ideal man. You know the one you admire (usually a celebrity) and the one you think of when creating your list..
My friends couldn't have had more different views. Some love the new guy from Thor (have no idea who he is), some love Richard Gere (Pretty Woman never goes out of style), some love Brad Pitt (never could understand it), some love Ed Norton (ok, I can see that maybe), and so on. Lots of them.
One of my girl-friends made the most hilarious speech that night when she said that up to this day, no one could compare to Robert Redford. I agree, we all agreed. He is just classic in my opinion. Never mind the age. Perfect manners, beautiful smile and hair, sexy yet manly. He makes you feel like a woman even if you're one across the screen. You want to be his woman and have a lifetime together, onscreen and off screen. Natasha got so into it (3 cocktails helped as always) that we were under the table with laughter. She said: Yes, he's the best. Yes, he is not that young anymore.. So what..When he dies, then I die.. That was just too much, I couldn't stop laughing. I want to thank her for such a passionate speech, I'll always laugh when thinking about it.
Anyway, as excited as I was to listen to my friends I couldn't come up even with one man who is my ideal. Of course, I had crushes on celebrities since 4 y.o. But I think since Tom Cruise didn't make a million in Cocktail, my life became way too real to have an ideal man image. I was even upset that I didn't have anyone in mind. Even when I play with myself, I don't have any man in mind. I'm just too focused on what makes me tick, if you know what I mean.. (sorry for the intimate details:)
True to myself, I couldn't give up on the subject and Voila, I found him.
It happened last week, when my friend and I were fantasizing about my blog coming to a big screen (I already mentioned my wild imagination). First, we started casting an actress to play my part. For some reason, Natalie (my friend) had only Latin girls in mind (Adriana Lima, Eva Mendez, etc). I thought they were too hot, I am more European. Really I wish I looked like them, maybe I just don't see myself that way.. Anyway, eventually I found an aspiring actress from Portugal that looked amazingly like me..

Naturally then I needed to find a man who would play my next (and last!) love. yes, I am only falling one more time again, I made a promise to myself. He didn't spring right to my mind but the next day I had no doubt who would play him. Nacho Figueras (pics), an Argentine Polo player. I don't know him but when I look at his pictures I feel I do. Something about him that not only makes me admit that he is the hottest man in the world, but maybe the greatest one too..
He rides horses, he loves them. He has a family and children, and he loves them. I don't know what to say. He is just the guy to play in my movie my third and last love, period.
Natalie approved and said that I told you I saw Latin in you.. You even picked the Latin guy. I don't care the origin. He is handsome, tanned, and has got beautiful hands and hair. I never really cared about the looks, and all men I dated hardly had any particular physical trend.. But with Nacho I just cannot resist.

Even if my movie is never made (Reality..) I still have my own life to live and create it on my own the best I can. And at least for now, it is comforting to know that I still managed to believe that    there are ideal men in the world, and maybe there is one for me.  

Monday, August 1, 2011

Dream life - What if..

As I was walking home from work today I got into some interesting thinking. I work across the Flatiron Bldg and walk all the way to Lincoln Center via 5th Avenue. It's a daily routine and usually uneventful. But today as I was passing all those designer stores on 5th (Pucci, Gucci, Schmucci..), I began thinking what would my life be if any means were available to me: time, money, flexibility, basically, things that would let me have the life of my dreams..
First, I thought that I would like to dress Burberry by day, and Agent Provocateur and Pucci by night. I would only stay at Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton. And I would have a yacht which I would regularly use for my get aways.
I am not a materialistic person but I have an eye for beauty, and then I realized I don't really need money for the things I want. Those are just things that could be exchanged for anything else. My mind went crazy for awhile trying to find some genius ideas for services I could provide to those places in exchange for the things I want in my perfect world.. I stopped on the idea where I would read and sign my books at Four Seasons to my loyal readers who would stay in the hotel because of me.. I know I can be very (no, extremely) imaginative :)
Of course it was just fun thinking but it did come to a conclusion. As my thoughts were progressing I realized that in the end my dream life would be by the beach. It could be in Brazil, Spain, Hawaii, Bali or anywhere else. I would play there, I would work there (writing of course!), I would make love there, all the things I love to do I could do on the beach, really. And I wouldn't even need a Pucci dress. Give me brazilian bikini, sunglasses and a scarf and I am the happiest. As there is no designer that could ever measure up to the beach, sun, sand and love..

Check out the video below I absolutely love. Hint: there are lots of brazilian bikinis:

I'm back

Just a quick note for now: I am officially back. As I stated in my prior post, it was the time to escape for a while and re-balance myself. I am almost my best balanced self again, and am ready to get back to my NY love adventures, most importantly putting them in writing.
Another great thing happened is that I found an old memory stick with my earlier journal writing. It's dated about 4 years back when I was dealing with a loss of my first love and during the most dramatic personal development. I was excited to read it and was quiet amazed with how I felt back then. So I've decided to incorporate some of my old work into my current writing. My style has changed since then but my heart's and mind's desires remained the same. It will be exciting I promise.
Stay tuned for upcoming posts about my current life and essays with my earlier writing. 

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Orgasm Connoisseurs

Women have all different and many types of orgasm (read the blog I linked below).
Just one more reason to be happy to be a woman. and as always, multiple is the goal!!

Orgasm Connoisseurs – Experts Weigh In on Different Types of Orgasm

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Before I continue

Do you ever feel exhausted emotionally? It's as if you can't think anymore, and just want to blank out.
I think the recent romantic shenanigans (which I'll write about later) left me completely drained. You see, I can't just touch the surface, I need to go all the way deep in. I live and do everything whole-heartedly. And that could be exhausting.
Since May of this year, my romantic life has been as busy as a presidential campaign. I've shared the first part of it in my previous post "Dating Game". I will continue my story but for now just wanted to take a break from dating and re-charge my batteries. We all need to nurture ourselves in order to live life fully. And that means having a complete balance in your life, not letting outside factors interfere. For me it's hard to do, as I feel and live through anyone crossing my path. I worry for people, I think of them and want to help.. I should consider opening my therapy practice :)

For now, I am laying low, not seeing or talking to any guys, just resting. And taking care of myself. I need to plan my trip to Spain and that will need my undivided attention. (just love my excuses:)

As such, I will continue writing about my current romantic escapades once I restore my balance. And once I feel completely in charge, I will get back to dating and mating game so that I could dive deep in again.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Amazing news

I just had to share this with the world, I am too excited. Today I got my vacation time scheduled (it's a big deal in corporate world). So I am planning a trip to Spain to visit my sister and my niece. Tickets are outrageous so I might skip a few cocktails and stop shopping for awhile, sorry girl friends... Still couldn't be happier, I'll see my loved ones in a month and a half. Viva Espana!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dating Game I

If you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to these days in my personal life I am finally ready to let you in.
I’ve been dating. Since my rebound from last relationship ended in April, I entered the dating scene. It’s not that I planned it, but it kind of happened naturally as I regularly meet men that are interesting and are interested. 
I’ll start from the beginning which took place in May.
It was a nice late May Saturday night. My friend from San Francisco came to NY to celebrate her Big day, and a group of 5 people gathered at Mari Vanna, our favourite Russian place in NY. I remember it was exactly a week after my rebound finale and I felt that I just didn’t care anymore. I was just happy to meet with my friends, and couldn’t care less about guys. There were no expectations whatsoever, in a way that I chose a Russian place knowing that I had zero interest in russian guys and it was a safe place to be.
The only desire I had that morning was to go away, travel some place. I am mentioning this right now as you’ll see the reason later. It’s quiet miraculous.

I put my skinny jeans and a white shirt on, and Natalie and I were on the way to meet our friends. I remember we got in there before everyone and ordered some food and drinks. Natalie is my friend and roommate, I think at this point we know about each other’s lives more than anyone. So we just wanted to talk about it all and relax before everyone got in. 
Once my friends joined the place started picking up pace. There were definitely lots of guys, but I was true to myself and did not pay attention being just happily present with my friends. I do recall though that when Lana’s boy-friend Drew was taking a picture of us, a group of guys walked in. I saw them because we were facing the door. I am blind when it comes to distances so I was only able to see smiling (I could be mistaken) faces and black shirts. The guys went in and blended with the crowd. 

My friends and I had an amazing time talking and taking pictures. it was a very easy flowing night. At some point, Drew came over and asked me to arrange a surprise cake for Lana. I had to move to the other side of the bar to talk to the stuff and make sure Lana didn’t see it. So it was then when I finished talking to a personnel at the end of the bar that a guy was picking up 3 glasses of red wine, the guy from the group that I noticed earlier. I turned around and found a beautiful smile and smiling eyes. He asked me whether I would like a glass of wine, and I almost naturally said yes. He gave me the glass right away and asked for another one for himself after giving the other glasses to his friends. 
I asked him what kind of wine it was, he said Malbec, and for some reason I asked him whether he was from Argentina. He had a tanned skin and his face had a nice sexy but kind look that I would associate with Argentinians. Malbec was the link. He said no, but it didn’t matter at that point. He was from another country and had the most unusual name. I liked him instantly but since I wasn’t looking for any adventures that night, I left and joined my friends. 
The cake came out and it was amazing. The guy (I’ll refer to him as M), and I were sending smiles over the room now and then, and I knew he was there and something would happen. 
I don’t remember how but at some point he and his friends got chairs next to us, and I couldn’t fight my instincts anymore. We joined in the night, we had more wine and food. and eventually I found myself talking mostly to him and not my friends. It was easy. My friends left, we stayed, his friends left, we stayed, everybody at the restaurant left and we still stayed. It was right then when I felt that we had to go as the place was closing and I told him that we should get going. But my words just evaporated into the night and I all I could see is his lips and feel the vibes around. We kissed. And when we left the place, we kissed more, we were kissing in a cab home. I was completely turned on, yet I had to pull myself together and kiss him good night. 

The next day, he wanted to go to a movie but I felt that it was my day to do my stuff, such as writing my blog :) You see I didn’t plan it and when it happens out of the blue I am not sure what to do. So we didn’t go to a movie but then he asked me how I felt about going to Vegas with him next week? We just met last night and it would seem crazy, right? But I said Yes, and although I wanted to feel that it was crazy it didn’t feel that way. I think I trusted him, I couldn’t explain why, I just felt it. Maybe because I wanted to go away (remember that morning) and the Universe delivered the opportunity right away and it felt so natural that I went along with it. Yet I felt attracted to him. I felt that I knew him and I could sense that the time together in Vegas would be amazing. But I also sensed that it wasn’t our time yet and we almost rushed in because we so wanted it. I can’t explain it but for some reason my sixth sense was telling me that the timing wasn’t right yet, I knew the trip wouldn’t be an inception to a relationship. I couldn’t explain it and it only made sense later on. 

So I went to Vegas with M the following week. 
Stay tuned in to see what happens next.

Midnight in Paris

I am absolutely in love with Woody Allen's latest movie "Midnight in Paris". It's playing in selective theaters since last month, and I've seen it three times already. I almost went to see it again tonight.. It's that good. (check the link below)
It speaks to me on many levels. I loved the juxtaposition of two cultures: american and european, as materialistic versus idealistic, practical versus romantic. The main character Gil, who is by the way an American, is lost in between worlds. As such he resorts to nostalgia in a complete belief that he was born about 80-90 years too late. The script takes him on night adventures in Paris back to 1920s, where he meets such greats as Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dali, etc. Every night, he runs away from his reality that includes a materialistic and spoiled to obnoxiousness american fiance, her obsession with a pedantic know-it-all American male friend (with whom she eventually cheats on Gil) and her anti-french (or probably Europe or anything other than US) parents.
He is not supported in his search for something greater in this life than a house in Malibu and $20K beach chairs. He is looking for his true calling, his home. And he finds it once he stops blindly following the americans around him and finds his truth.
What I love the most, is that once he faces his reality and accepts the fact that it's not what he wants everything falls into a place. He leaves his fiance, and finds his true love right there in Paris, the most romantic place on Earth, the place that speaks home to him.
I also love that no matter how lost and out of place he is with his american entourage in Paris, once he finds himself and accepts his truth, life brings him to the exact right place and time.
It makes me hopeful. I feel that no matter how hard and fearful it might seem in the beginning to face the things that don't speak to your heart, once you do you'll find your true and ultimate reality. For if it doesn't feel right it's not your reality anyway. It's probably someone else's. So break away, don't be afraid to face it. Look it right in the eye and accept that it's not you. Once you do, you'll hear your true voice and you'll see your true self. You'll follow your heart then, and that is a sure way to eternal happiness.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Mean Reds

For those who don't know what Mean Reds are, they are anxieties associated with an unidentified and sudden fear. The phrase comes from one of my favourite movies "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Holly Golightly experienced Mean Reds when she was afraid but didn't know what she was afraid of. I know exactly what she felt..
Sometimes you just wake up in the middle of the night, and feel scared and can't really explain why. Maybe we're afraid that life is slipping away and we still have so much we want to do. Maybe we are fearful for tomorrow or the future in general. Whatever it is, I think we all have those moments once in awhile.
I wanted to share with you some of the ways to beat those horrible Mean Reds. I am an optimist and generally a happy person; therefore I hate to have Mean Reds. Basically, I don't let them in, but if it's too late and they are already here, I stay strong and face them with all my trusted methods. Here they are:
1) Comfort zone
Find a place that makes you feel safe, like home. For Holly, it was Tiffany jewelry store. As she explained, it feels that nothing bad could happen to you when you're there. For me, it's a book store. As soon as I walk in, I get a sense of comfort and easiness. I can spend hours just sitting there going over a dozen of books. It calms me so much that I don't even think of Mean Reds while there.
One sad fact: 2 of my favourite book stores (Borders on Park Ave & 57th and Barnes&Noble on 66th & Broadway) were closed this year. I loved those 2 places and want to send my big gratitude to them as they'd been my comfort zone for years.
2) Music
Listen to the music that makes you happy. Music is really a magic, it can influence our emotional state, it stirs our feelings like nothing else. I also want to thank all the talented people that created and continue to create such beauty. Get outside, put your earphones in, turn on iPod, iPhone, etc and just walk. The results are immediate. Another thing is go to a concert, music performance, or a local band gig. The passion of performers, the chemistry of people around will shake you up and make you feel excited.
3) Nature
Go to the beach if possible. It's the most beautiful and tranquil place on earth. If not possible, go to the park, botanical garden, any place that has a lot of greenery. Go horseback riding.
4) Friends
Meet up with your friends, but those who lift you up. Anything you do, make sure to concentrate on their company and be present. I usually like to meet with my male friends. Guys don't sweat the stuff we girls do. I found that girlfriends like to talk about issues, and just mull over them till exhaustion. It's a general observation..
5) Do what makes you happy.
I run, write, read, dance, etc. Or don't do anything and let yourself just be. I love to repeat to myself "Everything works out in the end". And last weekend, my friend told me that the Brazilians like to say this phrase plus "If it doesn't work out, it's not over yet!" I love it!!
These are quick fixes and help with temporary Mean Reds. However, if you find yourself having those moments too frequently, it means there is something in your life that is not working and needs to be addressed. Then just face the issue and see what you can do to change it. I'll write on that in a separate post.
I hope you'll find this post helpful, and feel free to share your ways to keep those mean reds at bay.
Blessings to all, love and peace!