Friday, December 9, 2011

Burning questions answered, Part III

Last Monday, I asked my male colleague/friend at work a question and, honestly, was shocked when I heard his answer. I actually think it was the biggest shock I got in a very long time.
Judge for yourself, here it is:

Me: "When did you realize that your wife was the One? and what made you believe this?"
Man: "There is no such thing as the One. At some point, when you're ready to settle down, you find the woman who has a lot in common with you. What she wants from life at this point also matters if it matches your desires."

As simple as that? No kidding. I spent years, years! searching/researching/investigating to understand how one realizes that this is the One and only. I truly believed that this is what makes the world go round and come back despite all wars and global warming. I bet my whole experiment on love on this. I reserved myself from great men, amazing lovers simply because I thought they weren't the ONE. And the Man tells me that There is no such thing as the One. Make peace with it. Men don't think there is the One and Only. They believe there is timing and inevitability..

Me: "How is it possible? I always thought I had to end up with a man I thought was the One for me. This is the reason I never got married, never had family, kids (kids!). This is the reason I still searched for I truly believed I needed, No I had to, feel that he was the One. And you're telling me that men don't care about it?"

Man: "Sasha, you're a smart girl. Don't think about it too much. Focus on your own life, and don't make relationships your priority. Or you risk to be disappointed a lot. Don't make relationships your priority in life, period. You have so much in you!"

Thank you my man. Thank you for telling me this, it's like I finally saw the picture in its real colors, I finally could see why so many people get married/divorced, have kids and then leave. Really, if men don't think they need to search for a woman that makes them believe she is the One, why should we, women, spend our lives doing just that? But wait a second, there are women who probably don't believe that either and just marry for other reasons. Could it be the reason there is more than a 50% divorce rate in the country?

I was happy to learn about this. Even more, I was happy to follow his advice about not making relationships my priority. Once I made it my Modus Operandi, the weight had actually lifted off my shoulders and I was able to focus once again on the most precious thing in my life: Me:) And only good productive things come out of it, believe me.

But I've still decided for myself that I don't want to risk to be the part of those unfortunate <50% as long as I don't settle down with the one who simply doesn't feel or seem right. I simply refuse to contribute to the growth of this figure.. For now? I'll just focus on Me, and relationships won't be my priority. They will be a dessert I decide either to have or not after I had a delicious and satisfying meal. Bon appetit, everyone!


  1. Hi Sasha

    Your friend is right...except that there are also plenty of men who still believe in the One. Both varieties are walking the planet. There are even some who change from one to the other, usually in the direction you'd expect, but not always...
    One more thing worth saying:
    Not sure that believing is a better protection against divorce than not believing. Many divorces are probably the result of overly high expectations (believing) as opposed to 'settling' or being 'realistic' (not believing). After all many couples that have arranged marriages seem to do fine too, presumably because their expectations match their realities.
    But the reverse is true as well: people who both believe deeply can make their realities match their fantasies, even for life.
    Ahh if these things were simpler there'd be no need for your blog :-)
    Hope all is well,

  2. Aaron: I very much enjoyed your comment!! Especially the concept of believing. I think my belief is probably the major reason I still wait, I still write and still question! Thank you for your input and would like to hear more from you.