Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Burning questions answered, The List

Lately, I've been hearing a lot about "The List". You know, the one with the qualities we are looking for in a partner, the so called "must-haves" in order to make it to our hearts and minds.

It's no surprise to me that we all have a list in one way or another. But what surprised me is how different those lists are between women and men. You would think ladies would have a list much longer and more detailed? I can almost read your minds accusing women of their choosiness.
So I am here to actually shock you that my observation and investigation have proved men to be much pickier and less flexible when it comes to finding "The One".

As usual my research started with a trusted male colleague at work, when I asked him to tell me his top 3 qualities. When I got 3 long paragraphs from him, I realized it was a lot more complicated.. or could it be that I didn't phrase my question right? I thought I asked for top 3 qualities.. did I somehow mistyped 3 with 33...
Anyway, I didn't get what I expected: Smart, Sexy, Beautiful. Instead I got a long description of a perfect (could it be?) woman. She is the best friend and lover. She laughs at his silly jokes and even foolish behavior. She is feminine but not too sensitive and doesn't get offended too easily. She is beautiful and classy and yet can be low key when needed. She is an amazing and caring lover, and basically a sex maniac (with him only). She is easy to be around but she challenges him intellectually. She laughs at his jokes and silly behavior but will be serious when he needs someone to take his place ( I guess fill in his shoes..). She has her own life plan (career, hobbies) but takes care of him and the family. She is a great mother of course. She is intelligent but very easy going. She is faithful and respectful of others. She complements his strengths and fills in his weaknesses... and most importantly,  she makes me happy ALWAYS...

Wow I got exhausted simply typing all this. Is it even possible? I don't think James Bond has a list half as long. I believe his only requirements are: Sexy, Sexual and Sensual.

Well my friend did mention that if he simply wants to have fun the "List" is not as important and he can forgo a few requirements. However if he is looking for a long-term partner, a marriage, "The List" must be met.

After this revealing and somewhat disturbing (for me) conversation, I started "The List" project, i.e. inquiring and gathering data on males' "must haves'. Girls, all I can say is Good Luck!! or as 50 Cents would probably say: Become the List or Die trying..

In the end I realized whatever men proclaim they still fall in love and get married simply because the woman they want is a myth but everybody wants to love somebody sometime. So I assume somewhere along the way the list gets lost in those wonderful exciting moments they have with some special girl, perhaps the one who makes them smile:)

Bonus in the end of my research: My male colleague stated that I most likely would qualify for his list :) wink.. I passed on the application.. Simply don't want to fight against the impossible.
The rest of the participants also re-assured me that I was an extremely promising case. Thanks guys... But frankly I think it's easier to be a president...

P.S. My list surprised all participants:
1) Sense of humor (makes me laugh, which is easy to do really);
2) Stability (financial, emotional, mental, etc);
3) Sexual compatibality (on the same sex wavelength with me:)

What can I say I am a big fan of Minimalism. easier to keep track..


Friday, May 11, 2012

Dating Game, IV

So that rainy Friday, I scored 2 eligible guys at my gym. God himself intended for me to write this blog :)

Michael, the Russian guy, hasn't only come across as persistent, he was persistent. He wasn't joking about hiking, and that's what we did the following day. I must say, he made it very easy for me: picked me up and everything. All I had to do is come downstairs and keep repeating to myself : the worst that can happen, I'll get a nice workout today.
His friends came along and for some reason everyone already assumed that we were an item. I didn't know that it was possible within a few hours of meeting someone new. Apparently, it was.
In any case, in the most traditional Russian manner, as soon as we arrived, all his friends settled in the nature with many bottles of beer and food. Thankfully Michael kept true to his word and the two of us embarked on a hiking trail. It was an intermediate trail, and no matter how much I resisted it, Michael had to lift me up here and there. I thought it was a bit of too much pre-mature touching for my taste. But I had no choice, I needed to get to the top of the mountain.

An hour and half later, we were sitting at the top (pic below). Either due to the fact that he had to lift me up and I had to hold on to his shoulders a few times (believe me it wasn't optional), or that we successfully got to the top, Michael started feeling entitled in entering my space. You know me, I am the most passionate gal in the whole New York galaxy, but helping me get to the top of the mountain isn't enough to light my passion. I need a day and a night and a whole cycle to let it out.

To keep my space and smoothly escape Michael's hands, I started taking pictures, talking to strangers, making chit chat with anyone around. Those Russian guys, just don't give you any space. Never mind that we met only about 20 hours ago...

I was home around 7pm, and couldn't wait to wash off the dust and sweat of an invigorating hike, and most importantly, Michael's hands. By 8pm, I was having sushi with J, and finally felt happy and safe. I guess hiking with a pushy Russian is simply not my element.

Next week, Michael wanted to see me every day. He crashed on my lunch with my girl-friends. He got upset I wouldn't ditch my girls to be with him. I was getting frustrated.
I have a life, and you are not a part of it just yet. You need to make your way there, no shortcuts, at least not for everyone.
Besides, I have a demanding job, fitness routine, girl-friends, wine friends, etc. I just met you, you can't expect me to just drop everything to be with you.

Still I had to give him a reason of a doubt. He was a good guy, we just weren't on the same wavelength. So I gave it a try for another week. The last drop was when I had to work late and he called me at work and started complaining that I was putting my job first. Seriously?

It was enough. I couldn't stand it anymore. I told him it wasn't a good timing for us, he called me weird. Whatever, I just couldn't wait to get out of his controlling grip and get back to my free life. Don't I live in a free country where space is valued and appreciated?

And just conveniently right then Amar called me and invited me out. I couldn't do that day, his answer: No worries sweetie, How about Friday or whenever is good for you? Mmmmm :) That's my kinda answer. So I happily added a date with Amar to my busy schedule. Stay tuned...

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Optimistic Realist or A Woman Who Runs with the Wolves

Yesterday, during my lunch break, I decided to actually take a break (one of those rare days without deadlines), and go to the Madison Square Park to do some reading. I am currently reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves", and strongly recommend everyone to read it. As I was sitting and reading and thinking over what I'd just read, a stranger sat next to me, and in the most natural way asked me "How is the run with the wolves going?"
My almost instant New York reaction was to shoot him a I-don't-talk-to-strangers look but my righteous self took over and I replied "It's women that are wolves..." And so we embarked on an intellectual and honest conversation we often have with an accidental stranger who shares similar points of view.

As it turned out, David is a writer/musician who just came from a year-long trip to France where he was writing his first fiction book. Just to support that it indeed was an intellectual and insightful conversation we had. Since the book that initiated our conversation is about female power, our discussion mainly revolved around women, men and power struggle. Luckily for me, David was a strong supporter of female power, and we agreed on many things. Most importantly, we agreed that the world would be a better place were women to hold more power than men. He even cited statistics that more women than men these days held high level degrees.

I was happy to hear this and eventually (almost inevitably) we moved to discussing relationships and love. Do I have to remind you the name of my blog? Though curious about many things, love and relationships are my favorite. Since we already discussed that women are smarter than men and would be better leaders, we followed the same logic in love and relationships. We definitely agreed that women are more likely to give themselves away in a relationship and thus suffer the most. They are more likely to abandon their own desires and dreams for their partners', and thus sacrifice their own development in the name of love. Etc..

However, our views diverged on monogamy. Not only had David disagreed with my view that "Men are Not monogamous by nature", but he was sincerely shocked that I was so set in my opinion on this.
He tried to ask me the same question in different ways to (I assume) get a different answer. "You don't believe there are men that are faithful?" "You don't believe that Love could last forever and ever?" "You don't believe that some men are more giving and loving than some women?" and so on and so on. My answer remained the same: "No, not by nature."

In the end, he said something that got me thinking about myself and my views. He said: "It's very pessimistic of you, Sasha, considering that you're writing a blog about love and yourself looking for true love".
No one had ever found me pessimistic before, in fact I had been consistently accused of being an unwavering optimist. So imagine my surprise. I even felt flattered to have finally been labeled pessimistic.

And then again, I thought about it and realized, No, I am not a pessimist, have never been and probably will never be. I simply found my Realistic Self. So Yes, Men are Not monogamous by nature. That's the truth and I accept it, not condemn it or complain about it. Men are not meant for "One and Only", and I acknowledge it. Doesn't mean I wish they were, but you can never go against the nature. Best accept it and use it to your benefit.

Being realistic about men might not be as romantic and hopeful as my Optimistic Self would believe but it certainly is wiser. And for many reasons. It will have me prepared and grounded if I am ever faced with infidelity in my life. It won't let me set unrealistic expectations of my partner and be crashed if they are not met. It won't let me stop working on my own growth and abandon myself for the partner that might walk out one day, and I would be left with nothing. It won't let me sacrifice my own desires and dreams and solely rely on him to make me happy. And most importantly it will never let me make him more important than my relationship with God. And that's how I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always be able to stand strong and with grace. 

I might still make mistakes and fall victim to my optimistic beliefs but my newly found Realistic Self is the one who runs with the wolves, and I can always rely on her to pick me up and set me free again.