Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Burning questions answered, The List

Lately, I've been hearing a lot about "The List". You know, the one with the qualities we are looking for in a partner, the so called "must-haves" in order to make it to our hearts and minds.

It's no surprise to me that we all have a list in one way or another. But what surprised me is how different those lists are between women and men. You would think ladies would have a list much longer and more detailed? I can almost read your minds accusing women of their choosiness.
So I am here to actually shock you that my observation and investigation have proved men to be much pickier and less flexible when it comes to finding "The One".

As usual my research started with a trusted male colleague at work, when I asked him to tell me his top 3 qualities. When I got 3 long paragraphs from him, I realized it was a lot more complicated.. or could it be that I didn't phrase my question right? I thought I asked for top 3 qualities.. did I somehow mistyped 3 with 33...
Anyway, I didn't get what I expected: Smart, Sexy, Beautiful. Instead I got a long description of a perfect (could it be?) woman. She is the best friend and lover. She laughs at his silly jokes and even foolish behavior. She is feminine but not too sensitive and doesn't get offended too easily. She is beautiful and classy and yet can be low key when needed. She is an amazing and caring lover, and basically a sex maniac (with him only). She is easy to be around but she challenges him intellectually. She laughs at his jokes and silly behavior but will be serious when he needs someone to take his place ( I guess fill in his shoes..). She has her own life plan (career, hobbies) but takes care of him and the family. She is a great mother of course. She is intelligent but very easy going. She is faithful and respectful of others. She complements his strengths and fills in his weaknesses... and most importantly,  she makes me happy ALWAYS...

Wow I got exhausted simply typing all this. Is it even possible? I don't think James Bond has a list half as long. I believe his only requirements are: Sexy, Sexual and Sensual.

Well my friend did mention that if he simply wants to have fun the "List" is not as important and he can forgo a few requirements. However if he is looking for a long-term partner, a marriage, "The List" must be met.

After this revealing and somewhat disturbing (for me) conversation, I started "The List" project, i.e. inquiring and gathering data on males' "must haves'. Girls, all I can say is Good Luck!! or as 50 Cents would probably say: Become the List or Die trying..

In the end I realized whatever men proclaim they still fall in love and get married simply because the woman they want is a myth but everybody wants to love somebody sometime. So I assume somewhere along the way the list gets lost in those wonderful exciting moments they have with some special girl, perhaps the one who makes them smile:)

Bonus in the end of my research: My male colleague stated that I most likely would qualify for his list :) wink.. I passed on the application.. Simply don't want to fight against the impossible.
The rest of the participants also re-assured me that I was an extremely promising case. Thanks guys... But frankly I think it's easier to be a president...

P.S. My list surprised all participants:
1) Sense of humor (makes me laugh, which is easy to do really);
2) Stability (financial, emotional, mental, etc);
3) Sexual compatibality (on the same sex wavelength with me:)

What can I say I am a big fan of Minimalism. easier to keep track..



  1. I can very much relate to your list.

    Probably the most difficult thing with on-line dating is dealing with the shopping list. Over time, people come up with the most ideal candidate qualifications, as if looking to hire someone for a job. It's a very tall order to fit... and even if you do, it may not work. Why not?

    Emotional chemistry. That "je ne sais quoi." Of course, you need to have physical attraction, but how the person makes you feel is what matters most. People are like works of art. There is the first impression, but then when you revisit them again and again, you start to see more. Maybe you find less of what you like, or you find more of what appeals to you. But you also have to know what you want out of a relationship. A lot of people don't really have a clue. They think it'll just come to them at the right time. Or, some people think of it as climbing up a ladder, always moving to the "next better thing". But that's just pure folly. Yes, when you're dating someone and feel like you could really love them, there are others out there in the world who you might be happier with (funnier sense of humor, more attractive looks, higher financial station in life), but we can't canvas the whole world. Sometimes you have to realize that the person you're with is someone who can really make you happy for the long haul, you're lucky the random chance of life brought you together. It's important to sense when it's time to stop looking over your shoulder.

    1. I agree with what you say that it's how the person makes you feel that matters the most. Even if all my 3 requirements are met but I don't feel my best (which happened) I might try to stick around but eventually leave. As ultimately I want to be with someone who brings out the best in me and with whom I am the way I love me. That's a true secret and we know wether we have it with someone or not pretty much right away.
      Thanks Gary. I hope your list is not as long as other men's I inquired;)

  2. Your "list" is about like mine: a kind heart, an open mind, a sexually compatible lover, and a great sense of humor.