Online Dating, Finale

At last, I am ready to share with you the finale of my online dating experience and give you my last word on the whole thing.

If you recall, the plan was: 3 months, 3 dates, no more, no less. Idea: to prove to the Universe, and probably to myself mostly, that I was ready to open up again, and put my money where my mouth is.

3 dates took place, and all I wanted to do is to leave this all behind me, and never ever do it again. Just not my thing, just not for me.

So after Steve (my last dramatic date), I stopped checking my account or responding to anyone for a few weeks. That was until one day, I received an email from a guy who, for some reason, caught my attention. Normally I would never even look at him, he wasn't my type. But this time it was exactly the reason I did; I was intrigued. He looked kind, and so sooo different from the usual type A guys I'd dated. I decided it could be very refreshing to have a date with someone totally different. What's the worst that could happen? With that sweet look and those puppy eyes, he could never hurt me, right?

So I said yes to his invitation to the Jazz at Lincoln Center. Never mind that I screwed up the dates first, and then tried to move it to another day. Things just kept popping up (or maybe my heart just wasn't there anymore, also I met someone interesting at my gym right then...). Whatever the reason, when we finally met, my initial impression of him was reinforced. Yes, not the guy I am usually attracted to, not the typical ambitious man with a serious life action. P seemed sweet and kind. I found it refreshing that he knew nothing about the stock market, and would never have to go to London or the Neverland for yet another business trip. He was always there, always prompt with his responses, always smiling, always saying Yes. He was present at all times.

So here is where it gets tricky and, unfortunately, I won't be able to share with you the details. First, simply because it's too private. Second, he reads my blog and the least I can do is to respect what we had.

We dated for 2+ months, one of them was great, the other one wasn't. As I called it "a breakup in slow motion". I ignored many signs, my closest friend and colleagues having little faith and having strong (outspoken, you know who you are!) opinions. I wanted to change my usual course of action and give it a chance.
Basically, I was too strong for him to handle, he wasn't strong enough for me to tolerate. We were too different. And I tried, believe me, I even closed my eyes on grammar mistakes in his emails/texts.. He didn't close his eyes on anything, and broke my trust in the most disgraceful manner. First time I learned what bittersweet tasted like.

It ended before my NY's trip back home, and then, I realized, Opposites do attract, but they don't work, at least not for me. I was glad I tried but I had to be honest with myself. Nothing I can do about it, I am attracted to a certain type, maybe not the easiest type out there, but at least I know, for sure, that when I find a place for me in their life, it REALLY does mean something.

Final word: online dating works for hookups, short-term relationships, and if you want to lose any passion for dating altogether. Still wishing you all good luck.

Online Dating, III

Once again to recap: back in the Fall of 2011 I tried online dating. Goal: 3 months, 3 dates. No expectations to meet love that way but simply an experiment, and to also show the Universe that I am serious about falling in love.

2 dates took place and both of them made me realize even more that online dating was simply not for me. It reminds me of shopping online. When I look for lets say a dress online, I check my size, I find the color I like, I think where I would wear it and how I'd pare it with my other items. Online dating isn't much different. You check his age, his height, his body type, where he takes you on a first date, etc. And you see this is not how I want to meet my love. I want it to just happen. I want to meet him first before I think whether I see myself with a guy of this height, who likes that movie, and wether he wants kids or not sure. I don't want cold facts when I want an electric current. Maybe it's not practical but love will never be for me. I'm too idealistic when it comes to it.

Anyway, after 2 dates I wasn't in a mood at all but still if I decided to do something I have to finish it. It's only 1 date left, I can do it. This time I decide to go and find a guy myself, meaning I'll go over all members' pictures and pick one guy I like. He has to have the following: dark hair, tanned skin, beautiful hands and fingers (don't ask why... not now...), nice smile, and kind eyes. The rest I don't care. I decided if I had to do it once again to finalize my experiment and make my final verdict on this whole thing, at least I'll make sure there is chemistry and maybe there is a kiss in the end. So that time and money (and my hope) are not entirely wasted.

That's how I find Steve. There is no questions he is my type, at least in his 5-7 pictures. Dark hair, beautiful smile, long fingers! Smart and funny. I email him, and in the most exciting and humorous way (humor is high on my list) he asks me out.
We meet in Tribeca for some wine, chemistry is undeniable. I can't stop laughing, he can't stop making me laugh. He is smooth, he is sexy. Basically, the guy who'll have that opportunity I mentioned :)

The problem? Oh yes there is a problem. He is a blend of my 2 past loves. It's like God took them both and made Steve. He's got them both. And although he has the qualities that made me fall in love with them: sense of humor, intelligence, confidence, drive, good manners. He also embodies the ones that killed my love in the end: looking for an easy way for himself, selfishness, always putting himself first, empty promises, looking for a hookup, being a smoother.. My reaction? I am excited, I am intoxicated, I can't breathe. I walked that road twice, I am not doing it again. Haven't I learned?? It is true love I am looking for, a partner I can trust. Not to have my trust broken again.

We kiss, we feel electricity going from head to toes. We get in a cab together as we both live on UWS. I say 2 stops, me first. I need to leave I need to run.. It took me a total of 6 years to let those men go, to be able to move on, to open up again. I won't make that mistake again. I get out of the cab, and I run, not walk all the way before I get to my bed. I fall asleep and never think of it again. It wasn't real anyway... It was my past.

That was supposed to be the end of my experiment, and although I still had more than a month of membership I stopped going onsite and responding to any emails. I was done. Or so I thought. But in few weeks there was one more date that actually made a history... Stay tuned.

Online Dating, II

Just to recap: back in August-October of 2011, I tried online dating. Mission: 3 dates in 3 month. Not my most ideal way of meeting the love of my life, I still felt that I needed to try it just for the sake of an experiment, to show the Universe that I was trying:)

1st date was a nice try.. and next week I was ready to meet my date 2. Unlike the first guy, Tim had a lot of pictures in his profile showing that he wasn't only capable to lift me up (if opportunity ever presented itself:), but was a very active guy indeed. Here he is surfing in Costa Rica, here he is in a standing split pose (yoga pose) in Thailand, here he is dancing at a charity event, etc. Got it, you have my attention, let's meet.

He arranged the place, he called me to confirm, he was being on top of things. That's the way I like it, I felt excited. There might be something there... 

We meet, we feel relieved, why not? two good looking people who love life and love to smile. We talk a little bit about our passions, we talk a little bit about our lives, and then we talk A Lot about our love for Spain and Flamenco. 2nd date wasn't only an option it was a requirement. He already wanted to plan the whole month ahead. Me, not in a rush to give all my free time to someone I just met, taking it easy though. I needed to see, I needed to make sure. 

It's getting late, we say good bye, he says it was amazing and I am a breath of fresh air. I take it as a compliment, then take a cab and go home.

He calls me the next day to plan for the 2nd date. I'm cool about it. In the meantime I don't really get on the site as much. You see I only had 3 dates to play with so I just decided to take it one at a time. So I'm just going to see Tim again.

We meet Saturday night. Again he picks the place, Spanish tapas place with Flamenco dancing no less. I feel even more excited. That opportunity (if ever presented) seems more like a possibility:)

Anyway, I look hot, I look sexy, I look sophisticated (believe me it's a possible combination).
Well, let me tell you the only sparks that were flying that night were on a dance floor when the Flamenco dancer was tapping her shoes. As it turned out Tim and I simply didn't have any chemistry. The only passion we shared was Flamenco and anything that had to do with Spain. Good foundation but definitely not enough to even get us thru the 2nd date. I felt I was a shiny speed car, while he was a run down buick. Sorry for such a blatant and insensitive comparison but that's how it really felt and I am very good in my imagination department.

The best part: we simply said good bye and accepted with natural for both of us calmness and grace that it just wan't in cards for us. I'd never had such an easy end to a "2-dates" relationship. We even stayed friends on FB and wished each other good luck.

Ok, 2 dates in 3 weeks I was feeling tired and decided to take a break for awhile. I told you online dating wasn't my thing. 

Stay tuned for Date 3.

Online Dating, I

Cheers everyone,

Here I am launching another one of my promised (hopefully anticipated!) new series "Online Dating".
Yes, I tried it myself and am willing to share this fun but completely unnatural (for me) experience.

Last August, after a much needed break from my summer disappointments on the love front (covered in my prior posts), I was ready to start dating again. As much as I appreciate time to reflect, I also like to take chances, to have action you know.. Besides, wasn't it my dream to fall in love again?
So I said to myself that the whole dating game would never be complete without mine trying online dating.

Not willing to spend more than 10min on setting up a profile and wasting my precious time on writing back and forth (culprits of the famous dating sites), I was excited to find a new site tailored specifically for impatient and strained for time New Yorkers. You just answer 4-5 questions (if you want), upload a few pics and state what you want to do for a date. So this is how I signed up at "Howaboutwe.com". The plan: 3 months - 3 dates. 3 dates was a ceiling for me as I never really believed in online dating. I agree some people do find their love online but it simply isn't my style. I am a person of a moment, of a universal coincidence. Love for me is too magical to be associated with something so predictable and mainstream as online dating.
In any case, it was an experiment and I decided to give it my best effort just for the sake of it. 3 dates in 3 months (Spain trip in between doesn't count:).
Date 1: Cale and I were emailing each other for a few weeks, he was busy traveling, I was busy making my travel plans. Needless to say, we only met after I came back from Spain, mid September.
His profile stated his height at 5'8 and athletic body type. So I knew he wasn't the tallest guy in the room. Though the picture he sent showed a reasonably shaped (for a guy) frame. But damn was I surprised when I met him. Don't get me wrong, I'm 5'6, size 2 and even in heels am not supposed to feel like a giant next to a guy. With him, I did.

Sorry Cale, you are a super smart guy and when we were sitting and talking I had a wonderful time, and almost thought there would be a second date in the future. But once we got up again I knew it stood no chance..

No biggie, I still had 2 dates to go, this time proper physical screening was a must. Judge all you want, but I want a man who can lift me up and take me to bed (if such opportunity ever presents itself:)

Stay tuned for my Date 2.