Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Update III

First, let me promise you that there won't be an "Update IV" after this post. I am completely aware that I've been slacking off and simply posting updates on my whereabouts. That I have been avoiding my noble promise of writing a blog religiously about my dedicated search for true love.. That I've been leaving you in the dark about it. But let me promise that once I am ready to tell you everything that is happening in my life right now you will understand my deliberate avoidance. I simply need to see the fruition of something very beautiful before I could share it with you.

Yes, I've been busy with work. Yes I've been busy with my social and personal lives. Basically, I've been in the spot in all areas of my life. And to be perfectly honest with you, I enjoy it. I see how my life is turning in the direction I've always visualized for myself once I let all doubts go and simply follow my true self. It is the life that I create and have a complete awareness of my creations. It's pleasing to realize your own power of creation and hold on certain events that take place. I am happy.

In the last month, I've met great people, not only guys but ladies who have expanded my circle of friends and acquaintances. It's been an exciting month. I've gone hiking for the first time in my life, I've kissed a Russian guy for the first time in the last 10 years, I've traveled to Brooklyn for the first time in the last 8 years, I've fallen in love with skinny pants, I've laughed more than I had in the last 2 years, I've been to my first Christening, I've gone to a religious event for the first time in my life and fell in love with a music band there (they rock!). But most importantly I've been living my life by following my heart and nothing else. And that is proving to be the best thing I could have ever decided to do.

Now I am going to leave you for awhile but not for long. I suspect you're anxious to find out how my search for true and happy love in the city is going. It started in April of this year, and I want to thank everyone who's been following it. For I know that all we, New Yorkers, really want is true love, is someone to trust, someone to hold us tight even when not around. I am on a mission to prove that it is not only possible in the most exciting city in the world but is practically unavoidable once you let it in. Just keep your faith, just let it in.


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

My favorite word

It just happens I usually have a favorite word at a certain period of my life. You know the one you just always notice whenever someone says it and it's like music to your ears. You almost right away feel affinity for that person, simply because they said "your" word.. Although there are some words that make you want to gag when you hear them but this post isn't about them. The word you love is different; it has a special place in your heart for it certainly breaks the lock and goes straight to the bottom of it. I don't know if I am alone in this passion for words but those who have this illogical if not insane affection as well will understand what I am expressing here.

Anyway for a long period the word "Amazing" held that special place, then I fancied "Sweet", "Super", etc... They would come and go. And for about 2 years I didn't fancy anything. I think my ex-partner's obsession with word "Awesome" was too much too handle and I just couldn't make a room for my own. Not till last month at least..

Yes, just the way love sneaks up on us, a new favorite word found the way to my heart suddenly and unexpectedly. And it's not "Love", in case you are taking a guess. My new favorite word is "Sure".

It was in Spain when Javi and I were talking about something. He said something to which I replied with my somewhat usual "Really?" it was then when he said "Sure" in such a lovely affirmative way that my heart just melted. Like there was no doubt, no confusion. My mind responded with unquestionable trust and my heart opened and welcomed a new favorite word.

Then I've heard it several times and every time my heart would just expand with joy. It's so physical I can't control it. That's how I know that I love something.

I was happy to have my new word though I noticed how different it is from the ones I loved in the past. It wasn't as sweet as others, it couldn't be used in almost any sentence, definitely can't be used in any response. In fact, I think the true meaning of "Sure" is very rare in our modern life, especially here in New York. The word has many meanings, of course, but the one that I love and refer to (affirmation to something said that erases any doubt) is truly rare this days.

I think re-assurance has never been more important to me. And I just hope that I'll be hearing more of "Sure" in a rightful and deserving way, of course.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die | Video on TED.com

Steven Jobs was a gift to this world. It's with sadness yet greatest appreciation for his life and contribution that I want to say Good bye to one of the greatest men of our times. The video (below) with his speech to graduates gives some idea on why this man was special and made a difference in the world.
His messages are:

1) Connecting dots. It's only when looking back that we can connect the dots so take a leap of faith and follow your heart;

2) Love and loss. Keep looking, never settle. Follow your heart;

3) Death. Remembering that you're going to die gives no reason to not follow your heart. Your time is limited so don't waste it on living someone else's life. Follow your heart and intuition. They somehow know what you truly want to become.

Do you see that in all of his messages, he stresses on importance of following your heart. Be it in what you want to do, love, or anything else. I stand by it, as you already know it if you read my blog. And Steve Jobs's life couldn't be a better example on why this is the best and only way we should live our lives.

With all my love and respect to Steve Jobs, a man who followed his heart.

Steve Jobs: How to live before you die Video on TED.com

Monday, October 3, 2011

Update II

I realize that you might be curious on where I am standing now as far as dating is concerned. Well let me tell you, it's raining men... After my last summer shenanigans and an unsuccessful ending on all counts I took some time to reflect, mostly, on what it was that I really wanted, and why I had a disconnect between what I believed I wanted and what was materializing in my physical reality.

I truly believe that everything that happens to us is of our own making, we have a complete responsibility. Therefore I realize the reason I've been unsuccessful so far in creating a happy relationship (as planned) is definitely something I need to search inside myself. Could it be that I am not ready as much as I would like to think? Could it be that I am scared to fall again? Could it be that I just don't believe it's possible? Could it be that I am not listening to myself? Could it be that I secretly want to be single and independent? I could ask myself many many questions on a possibility of this issue. But they are all rhetorical questions. The ones all those self-help books tell you to ask yourself to search for the reasons. But can we all use the same approach? Aren't we all unique and need unique ways to look for the answers?
After somewhat exhaustive soul searching, all I could come up with was it's many answers and most of them I probably won't know till I know.. But for now I find comfort in telling myself one of my favorite quotes from a movie Risky Business: Sometimes you just gotta say "What the fuck. Make your move."

Yes what the fuck... I don't know the answers right this second (not just yet), and you know what I don't give a f**. At least not for now. I believe I'll have the answers one day, and might not even care about them as much by then. But for now, I decided to just make a move. I'm dating again! Yes, I just happened to find myself in a high demand these days. when the markets are stumbling, my stock has never been higher :)
Joke aside though, I've never had so much attention in my life.. And I have a sneaky suspicion it has something to do with my Whatever approach. I just want to live my life and follow my heart, with no fears, no analysis, no judgment, no reservation. Just with the flow.
And let me tell you, I am living and feeling differently and yet so authentically this time around. All I am doing is being internally happy and complete with myself, simply observing people around, being open and approachable, but not exposed. And just listening to my heart, my voice within. For this is the wisdom and I trust it completely. And if I don't hear it, I just do nothing before I hear it. Also acknowledging that it might not speak for there is nothing yet to say and it will speak loud enough for me to hear when I need it. I reserve my heart to only follow its instincts, no mind chatter, no social boundaries, no cold analysis. Just my heart, just my gut, just my instincts. Let's see where they take me. But I couldn't be more excited and yet so peaceful. At last..