Monday, October 3, 2011

Update II

I realize that you might be curious on where I am standing now as far as dating is concerned. Well let me tell you, it's raining men... After my last summer shenanigans and an unsuccessful ending on all counts I took some time to reflect, mostly, on what it was that I really wanted, and why I had a disconnect between what I believed I wanted and what was materializing in my physical reality.

I truly believe that everything that happens to us is of our own making, we have a complete responsibility. Therefore I realize the reason I've been unsuccessful so far in creating a happy relationship (as planned) is definitely something I need to search inside myself. Could it be that I am not ready as much as I would like to think? Could it be that I am scared to fall again? Could it be that I just don't believe it's possible? Could it be that I am not listening to myself? Could it be that I secretly want to be single and independent? I could ask myself many many questions on a possibility of this issue. But they are all rhetorical questions. The ones all those self-help books tell you to ask yourself to search for the reasons. But can we all use the same approach? Aren't we all unique and need unique ways to look for the answers?
After somewhat exhaustive soul searching, all I could come up with was it's many answers and most of them I probably won't know till I know.. But for now I find comfort in telling myself one of my favorite quotes from a movie Risky Business: Sometimes you just gotta say "What the fuck. Make your move."

Yes what the fuck... I don't know the answers right this second (not just yet), and you know what I don't give a f**. At least not for now. I believe I'll have the answers one day, and might not even care about them as much by then. But for now, I decided to just make a move. I'm dating again! Yes, I just happened to find myself in a high demand these days. when the markets are stumbling, my stock has never been higher :)
Joke aside though, I've never had so much attention in my life.. And I have a sneaky suspicion it has something to do with my Whatever approach. I just want to live my life and follow my heart, with no fears, no analysis, no judgment, no reservation. Just with the flow.
And let me tell you, I am living and feeling differently and yet so authentically this time around. All I am doing is being internally happy and complete with myself, simply observing people around, being open and approachable, but not exposed. And just listening to my heart, my voice within. For this is the wisdom and I trust it completely. And if I don't hear it, I just do nothing before I hear it. Also acknowledging that it might not speak for there is nothing yet to say and it will speak loud enough for me to hear when I need it. I reserve my heart to only follow its instincts, no mind chatter, no social boundaries, no cold analysis. Just my heart, just my gut, just my instincts. Let's see where they take me. But I couldn't be more excited and yet so peaceful. At last..

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