Burning questions answered, Part III

Last Monday, I asked my male colleague/friend at work a question and, honestly, was shocked when I heard his answer. I actually think it was the biggest shock I got in a very long time.
Judge for yourself, here it is:

Me: "When did you realize that your wife was the One? and what made you believe this?"
Man: "There is no such thing as the One. At some point, when you're ready to settle down, you find the woman who has a lot in common with you. What she wants from life at this point also matters if it matches your desires."

As simple as that? No kidding. I spent years, years! searching/researching/investigating to understand how one realizes that this is the One and only. I truly believed that this is what makes the world go round and come back despite all wars and global warming. I bet my whole experiment on love on this. I reserved myself from great men, amazing lovers simply because I thought they weren't the ONE. And the Man tells me that There is no such thing as the One. Make peace with it. Men don't think there is the One and Only. They believe there is timing and inevitability..

Me: "How is it possible? I always thought I had to end up with a man I thought was the One for me. This is the reason I never got married, never had family, kids (kids!). This is the reason I still searched for I truly believed I needed, No I had to, feel that he was the One. And you're telling me that men don't care about it?"

Man: "Sasha, you're a smart girl. Don't think about it too much. Focus on your own life, and don't make relationships your priority. Or you risk to be disappointed a lot. Don't make relationships your priority in life, period. You have so much in you!"

Thank you my man. Thank you for telling me this, it's like I finally saw the picture in its real colors, I finally could see why so many people get married/divorced, have kids and then leave. Really, if men don't think they need to search for a woman that makes them believe she is the One, why should we, women, spend our lives doing just that? But wait a second, there are women who probably don't believe that either and just marry for other reasons. Could it be the reason there is more than a 50% divorce rate in the country?

I was happy to learn about this. Even more, I was happy to follow his advice about not making relationships my priority. Once I made it my Modus Operandi, the weight had actually lifted off my shoulders and I was able to focus once again on the most precious thing in my life: Me:) And only good productive things come out of it, believe me.

But I've still decided for myself that I don't want to risk to be the part of those unfortunate <50% as long as I don't settle down with the one who simply doesn't feel or seem right. I simply refuse to contribute to the growth of this figure.. For now? I'll just focus on Me, and relationships won't be my priority. They will be a dessert I decide either to have or not after I had a delicious and satisfying meal. Bon appetit, everyone!

à la française

You know your life has made a turn when you find yourself on a New York Sunday afternoon having brunch with a crowd of 8 French.
Exactly where I found myself this lovely Sunday afternoon, and let me tell you, not have only had I a good time, I've felt just as comfortable as I did the whole time I was in Paris 2 years ago.

First of all, in their unmistakable French way, they managed to find in NY a place that had the most perfectly cooked eggs Benedict and french fries, with linen covered tables and unlimited champagne. Secondly, they spoke French, exchanged sassy smiles, and used expressive hand gestures and I felt in my element.
Not to sound like a Francophile but I happen to feel at ease with the French and in France. Maybe it has to do with my European background or the fact that I was raised on French music and movies, whatever the reason, their language has always been the music to my ears. And whenever I hear about their famously arrogant attitude (even from the French themselves) I argue with passion that I've never encountered such.
Still today I've given more thought on my complete acceptance of all French and realized that it had to do with other than their perfect style, impeccable taste and natural sexiness. I believe it has to do with their absolute honesty. They say what they think, they mean what they say, they do what they mean. Whether one might find it pleasing or not, I respect it above all. Honesty of a character and actions that support it are admirable to me for one (though not the only) reason: I never have to second guess. I'd rather know the truth and straight to my face. The French not only know how to do it, they do it. Knowing that one means what one says and is not hesitant to say it doesn't turn me off. Quite the opposite, it builds on my trust and respect. Cheers to that.

Hope everyone had a lovely Sunday today in NY and everywhere else. 

Burning questions answered, Part II

This is a continuum of an active discussion with my male colleague on relationships and differences between men and women

Me: Is it ok to date several people at the same time?

Man: If you're just going out and spending time together, it's ok. But if you're sleeping with different people, it's not ok. Even if there is no agreement on going exclusive, as soon as you hit the sheets no man would want to share you with another.

My conclusion: Date as much as you want as long as there is nothing intimate. But once you become intimate with one guy the rest have to go. I've very often found myself in a situation when there was more than one man seeking my attention. I would take time and try to learn a little more about each one of them before making a choice. However my rule has always been: No matter how much I like all of them and see possibilities with any of them, the first one I became intimate with is the one I will choose. Name it a gut feeling or simple morals. Bottom line is that your body can't lie to you, listen to it and follow your instincts.

Also your body will always send you a signal whether this person is good for you or not.
If you're feeling at ease and your body is in a very relaxed and natural state, this person might be the match. If you're tense and just don't feel well though can't explain it, sit back and try to feel it more. Most likely that person is not right for you.
Same goes with intimacy. A good connection will always lead to a passionate and smooth sexual experience. There won't be awkward moments and forceful desires. The both will have a blissful connection and will feel satisfied in the midst and after the contact. If you feel that you need to fake a slightest reaction, stop. True passion is what you are after, don't lie to yourself.

I know I've digressed a bit, it's just so easy to get carried away with this :)
Bottom line: date, flirt, have fun. But your body is a temple, only special ones should have the privilege to have access to it. And if you listen to it, it will surely let you know who it should be.

Me, happy

Greetings to all.
Before going to bed, I wanted to say that I am very grateful for my life and everyone participating in it.
Special thanks go to my loving and truthful friends: Nadya, Jonathan, Valerie, Natalie, Khushboo, Akash, Lana. I love you all and want to thank you for being in my life, you have a special place in my heart forever.
Also thank you to my family and especially my most adorable and affectionate niece Alexandra. You mean the world to me.
Thank you to my colleagues and their support. I feel accomplished and myself around you.
Thank you to my pet Josephine for constantly teaching me how to take care of someone special and how to give love and appreciation every single day.
Thank you to all guys I've dated for you helped me get closer to understand who I am as a partner and who I want.
Thank you Javi for helping me find my way back.

Thank you to P for making me feel my best when with or without you. For the peace and bliss you give my soul, mind and body.

Thank you to all who read my blog. I hope it gives you hope and assurance in true heart, in true love.
My gratitude to all who find inspiration and motivation to follow their heart.

Blessings to all.

With all my heart.

Burning questions answered, Part I

It just happens that at my current job, I am blessed to have wonderful colleagues. I work at a PR firm and even our Finance team has a strong creative bone. The fact that a lot of people have various passions other than finance was obvious almost right away.. But it was to my biggest surprise and pleasure to find out last month that one of my colleagues (a man!) is writing a book on relationships.
As soon as this fact surfaced and I shared with him my secret passion for blogging about relationships, we launched a continuous and passionate discussion about relationships between men and women. It's become a very beneficial collaboration for both. I've been giving him a lot of ideas to write about in his book; he's been giving me honest and detailed answers on men. Most of them opened the secret door to a man's mind. Yes, I've finally found a secret door to a man's mind. And I trust that it's as real as it can get. So get ready to find out some truths about men from a man himself.

I'll cover a series of Q&A's, the ones I feel to be the most burning, and you tell me what you think about it. I'll present them in an interview fashion and my friend's responses will be presented under Man as he speaks not only for himself but for all men out there.

1. Me: Why would a man pull away after he put in a lot of effort to win a woman and he was successful?
 
Man: He simply realized she wasn't his type. There are 3 types: 1) For fun; 2) For dating; 3) For marrying. If the guy is looking for one particular type and you don't fit it, he will lose his interest pretty fast. Let's say he likes you a lot, and he has fun with you, but it doesn't mean you'll meet his "dating type" material, left alone "marrying" material.

Something to be aware of: When a man meets a "marrying" type, he just has that feeling inside that tells him that he wants to spend his life with this woman. He'll walk down the street and will see her face in everyone's face. Also keep in mind, men are connected to a woman on a physical/sexual level while women are connected on an emotional level. Basically a man will never confuse his physical attraction with an emotional one. While women tend to blend those together.

My Conclusion: Ladies, stop replaying all the conversations and asking yourself what you've done wrong if a guy who was so persistent in the beginning suddenly disappears. It is much more simple. He just realized you're not his type for a serious relationship. or not the type he is looking for at the moment. Whatever the case, don't beat yourself up. Just move on and be mindful. Don't confuse a physical attraction with an emotional one. Just because he gives you an orgasm, hugs and kisses you in all the right places, holds you after sex, and carries you to bed does NOT mean he is the ONE. Listen to your instincts.

to be continued..