Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Answering Unanswered, Part III

Cheers all,

So here I am, down to my last challenge in uprooting any emotional blocks and leaving them behind me.
The last man addressed was the one I loved with all of my heart, body and soul. I didn't love him with my mind, and in the end it was my mind that took victory.
I wrote about this relationship earlier
But to give you an idea, it was the most difficult relationship I ever had. He was my soulmate. I know, you'll say How could it be if he was your soulmate? Isn't it what we all look for when it comes to love?

Yes and No. Back then, I also believed that once I'd meet my soulmate I'd be happy and complete. Nothing would matter, I'd be living my dream. Meeting my soulmate WAS my dream.

Well, as I learned later, meeting one's soulmate doesn't mean any of this. It could, but not necessarily.  For the most part, it simply means meeting your soulmate, and dealing with all the past and many karmic connections that took place in previous lives.
Soulmates are deep rooted, from other and many past lives, and unfortunately, have a lot of issues carried over from a lifetime to a lifetime. And it doesn't come with a guarantee of "Love forever" or "Beautiful Love".

Simply put, it's not easy, it's not lifting as we think love would make us feel. It's more about resolving and fixing. I am not saying it's the case with all soulmate relationships, but that was the case with mine. From day 1, it was a battle, it was a survival. I knew I loved him, and he loved me. But being together was too much to handle for either. We couldn't be happy. It was so complicated that it will take me a lifetime to figure out. For now, I'll just tell you that it was meaningful and important, and unavoidable. But it was also destructive and painful. It had to end. And it did.

So 2 years ago, I finally left him after x-times of break-ups. It was hard, if not impossible. I ran. I left my stuff at his place, I changed my number, I started dating someone right away, and pushed "us" as deep as I could. That was the only way I could finally remove myself from this relationship.

Though I managed to move on 2 years ago, the way I handled it was disconcerting, and bothered me the whole time. I wrote a letter ( 3!) to him that I never sent. They had it all: how much I loved him, how he was my soulmate, how sorry I was that I couldn't fight for our love anymore, and how impossible it was for us to be together. I never sent it to him, that is until my quest "Answering Unanswered".
Maybe one of the reasons I even started this quest because I finally was able to face "this" relationship and ready to leave it behind me. I had to. I wanted to. I was ready.

I wanted to send those letters to him, to finally have a deserving ending. and I did. He never responded.

Was I surprised? No. I didn't think he would. But I know he read them, and perhaps they made sense to him.
As for me, I was finally able to make peace with it, and move on.
More importantly, I was ready to start a new chapter or even a new book in my life, where I'd open my heart, body, soul AND mind to a New Love.


  1. Sister, so very true! Alas for them - peace starts inside.

    1. Sister we are in charge of our hearts and we can free it ourselves. Female power