Thursday, February 28, 2013

Answering Unanswered, Part I


If you recall, in my prior post, I dared myself to reach out to the men who stayed unresolved mysteries to me. The ones who touched me in a serious way, yet left me questioning why didn't it lead to more??

First 2 men I am going to write about here, weren't my boy-friends or even the men I dated. They were mere stars that fleetingly crossed my horizon, but the light was so bright the memory of it was shining for months to come.

One of them made me feel like home the moment I met him. He felt familiar. There was something about him that made me forget about the world and be taken to that place I would call my dream. I wanted to look into his eyes, kiss his lips, be in his presence. We went all the way to LV for our first date after meeting. It was the best time I had in a long time, it was too good to be true. He made me feel special, I was happy. Though the whole time, I felt that any moment I'd wake up and it would all end, it wasn't real. It was just a dream.

Indeed, the LV escape ended and we both came back to reality. 2 more dates in NYC, and that was it. He didn't pursue me, I didn't insist. I knew he wasn't in the same place I was. There was no place for me in his life. Other things I felt that made me realize it wasn't going to happen.
In my usual way, I let it go and moved on. But the connection was so strong, I was crashed for weeks, I cried.... I was vulnerable. And yet I was strong.
2 years later I emailed him. Although I already knew why it didn't happen I needed to hear it from him. And I did. Of course, I knew he would respond. I expected no less from him. His response was simple and truthful. It confirmed what I thought. I was happy to know that I was right to hold him to the high standard. I was sad to learn that he still wasn't in a happy and open state.

The other man was different. There was nothing sad and longing about him. He was pure joy! Again, I felt free and open with him the moment we met. It's like it was just 2 of us and the rest of the world was somewhere else. The chemistry (both physical and intellectual) was overpowering, and we didn't try to fight it. The problem? Yes there was one. He was from Santa Monica, I was(am) from New York. There was the whole country between us. And you know how it usually happens in situations like this, he called - I didn't answer, I called - he didn't answer. We got lost in distance and time.

6 months later I emailed him. His response was pure joy again. It made me smile. It was as endearing as the time we spent together. He thought I was out of his league (how sweet:), and he was just one of the many guys I was playing with. Of course, none of it was true. You guys know me:) I am dorky, but for some reason men think of me as a player. Happened many times. I learned to ignore it. Anyway, my West Coast friend and I laughed it off, and closed our chapter on a happy note! What more could I ask for?

Conclusion: don't be afraid to search for the truth. It could be sad and unsatisfying still. It could be fun and pure joy all the way. But either way, it will help make peace with the unanswered and move on to a better and happier place inside and out. Take that chance!


  1. Sasha dearest, anything! but dorky. We meet people for 3 purposes in life. You know how sensitive you are - sometimes the truth is obvious, and given your energy Sky is the only limit. French say, un de perdu - dix de retrouver ( one lost - 10 discovered). Open up to ten, chances are, at least one is worthy your attention ;D
    And even if not one from these 10, the energy well-vasted - since they perceive we are playing them, sometimes, we may as well.

    Love you.

    1. Right on target sister. I may as well, at least to weed out those who get intimidated by the competition. The fittest will survive and perhaps get to enjoy the victory!
      Love ya