Saturday, February 23, 2013

Answering Unanswered

There will always be questions in life that we simply won't find answers for. And usually, it's fine (if not best) to make peace with it. But personally, I prefer to at least take a shot and see what I can find. I need to know. Even if it's just that I will never know.

Last month, I realized that there were still some unanswered questions that I never took a shot at. It'd been some busy time :) But seriously, they were holding me back in some way or another. I knew if I was on track about being as authentic as I could be and be in a complete alignment with my inner self, I needed to address them.

This time, I am looking personally, all the way into my heart.
How about those guys that were so promising in the beginning but got away? You know the type. They are interested right away, they go out of their way to win you over, and they do a good job at it. Then, while you're catching your breath, they are gone...
How about the one who you left and didn't have that last word with? No closure, nothing.  Didn't even get your belongings back? It was so heartbreaking you couldn't even say good bye, knowing that one day there will be an encounter, there will be a conclusion...
Finally how about the one you loved dearly but not the way a woman could (or should)? You are the love of his life but there is nothing you could do to return that kind of love? You spent many years together, sometimes even believing that it would be for the rest of your life, then one day you walk away. You go but you want to stay. You stay but you want to go. It's like you never really left...

Yes, you guessed it right, those were relationships in my life that I couldn't find the answers for? It's hard enough to forget and move on, so getting down to the root of it is like rubbing salt in the wound. The experiences were so disappointing I didn't want to keep them in my memory let alone ponder over them, and definitely, not talking about them with the ones who caused them.

But I am not of the faint-hearted, I am looking for the truth. So I emailed all of those men asking for the unanswered.
There were 4 of them. 2 of those who somehow disappeared despite of tremendous interest they showed initially. They won my attention, then they left me stunned. The one who I loved but had to run away from without even packing my stuff. Someone it took me 2 years to finally let go. And then there is the one who loved me dearly, loved me more than the world, gave me everything he could. The one I left.

I emailed them with my question. So what was it that didn't let us work? or something along those lines.

In the following posts, I'll cover them separately. Stay tuned. What I found was very surprising if not unexpected. But all good, believe me all good.

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