Friday, October 18, 2013

Man is not a Woman, Woman is not a Man

I know I am stating the obvious (the title) here, but you'll be surprised how often we forget this.
Let me explain.
How often we imagine in our minds what a man should do, say or think. We women forget that men don't think the way we do, they don't feel the way we do, and they certainly don't understand why we get upset because they didn't react the way we wanted them to. I am sure it goes the other way around too.
But since I am a woman, it's easier for me to elaborate from a female's perspective.
Here's a scenario. Let's say we want him to be more loving to us. But instead of just coming up to him and telling him directly into his face what we want, we start saying stupid things like "I don't feel like you're present", "I feel distance", etc. In the meantime, what we really mean is that we want more loving, what we really want is for him to say "Don't be silly, I love you so much. Come here". That's what we women would do/say, wouldn't we?

But men are not us. They take whatever we say literally. So instead of opening his arms and wrapping them around us, he starts thinking that she's not happy with him, even worse, he doesn't make her happy. And this is probably the most terrible thing he could feel in regard to a relationship since he takes it as a direct accusation of not being enough. If she is not happy with me, I need to go.

So you see, instead of getting what we truly wanted we got the absolute opposite. Very ironic to say the least, and could be fatally damaging.

By trial and error (and unnecessary tears) I learned to forgo my "female mind tricks", and just simply say what I want. And what a relief, who knew it would be so easy?
If it's a good and loving relationship, a partner will respond and give, and give. He wants to make you happy, and if you tell him how, he'll do it.

Relationships are real, they need understanding. But it won't come from projecting your personal assumptions. We need to get out of our heads, and start seeing another as an individual with their personal thoughts and perceptions.

Good loving to all.


  1. I agree with what you said about seeing each other as individuals with our own personal thoughts and perceptions, instead of projecting our own stuff onto one another.

    1. Thank you Helena. It's a conscious effort to remember this.

  2. I think most people have inhibitions about saying what they truly feel. Because of that, they often express their desires obliquely or shrilly or not at all. Learning how to communicate well is an art all individuals, man, woman or child, can profit from.,

    1. So true. could it be that we are scared to open up and show our vulnerability?