Sunday, July 14, 2013

Sandy, Finale

If you recall, Sandy (the super storm that hit NY area back in November 2012) and I came close, almost dangerously close. It's all described in my posts about Sandy (read under the label Sandy).

Although I wrote a lot about this experience it was never quiet finalized. I just couldn't bring myself to give it a final word, to let this dream go. It became symbolic.
Going back there, seeing the damage Sandy caused, packing my things in a cold dark apartment, crying my heart out, seeing how my visions about this place and my life by the beach were passing me by, like big white birds in the sky. I am not going to lie, I was devastated.

So as soon as I settled back in the city, I tried not to think much about it. I focused on the positive. How lucky I was to find a place I loved, the place that made me and Josephine feel like home. We (especially my J) were happy. But a ghost of a shattered dream would haunt me now and then. I knew I didn't let it go completely.

The truth is I didn't want to let it go. Dreams are like big loves to me, they are grand, they are deeply rooted. That's just the way I am.

Needless to say, I moved on with my life and almost never shared with anyone (almost anyone:) about my internal struggle of letting it go.

Living close to Columbia University (the first place I stayed at when coming to NYC in 2001) I certainly sensed a deja vu moment. After 12 years of living in the city, I was back to where it all began. The circle was complete. Though I was different, I was home now. This sense of belonging helped me let most of the Sandy experience go. Going to Long Beach this weekend, however, helped me let it go completely. For the first time, I didn't feel sorrow, I was able to see it once again as a cool place I go to on the weekends to get some sun and see the ocean.

I learned many lessons from Sandy, and shared them with you in other posts. So here is my last one: Sometimes dreams don't come true. But life goes on, and we will always be where we need to be even if we don't see it yet.

The most important moment was when I realized and accepted that it wasn't my time yet to part with New York. We had more things we needed to do, great things. And New York had never been so clear and open with me as this time. It took me back with open arms, and gave the best gift yet.


  1. Well said, Sasha. Your post made me miss my time on Riverside Drive / 120th St.

    The thing about New York is that it changes so much so often. So if there were things you didn't like earlier, chances are those things may have changed when you go back. Not to mention you would have changed as well!

    As long as you separate New York - the brand and the dream they sell you - to the real New York which you learn and get to know by living there.

    Good luck and enjoy the experience...

    1. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts with me! i wish you the best