Thursday, April 5, 2012

Whatever, Whenever

Cheers all.

Those who know me, or have been following my blog, are well aware that I am a hard core optimist, a cheerleader of life. Just appears to the world that way. But to think that I never get sad, upset, annoyed, stressed, irritated, etc.. would be entirely utopian. Being extremely passionate and emotional as well, I go thru a whole range of emotions, some of them couldn't ever be explained or mentioned at my own risk..

Yet I always appear and behave in such a way that it's hard to imagine that I could be anything but a happy smily face.. It's just that I've always been on guard to watch for those "negative" emotions and attack them as soon as they creep up on me. Let me tell you, I've become a real warrior of "negative" emotions over the years. Exhausting? Yes. Worth the fight? Yes, till I collapsed. But last week I changed my usual course of action.

An amazing thing happened really, and something (one of my inner voices) tells me it has to do with mine getting into yoga (pardon my recent yoga obsession, I thank and blame it for everything that happens to me these days). But really only good can happen when you get into yoga (sorry couldn't help it again!)

Anyway, when last Friday, for some unknown reason (which is usually the case), I started feeling sad and even upset, for the first time in my life, I didn't fight it. I let those feelings in and simply observed them flow thru me. I didn't force myself to run and read some inspirational stuff, call people who cheer my up, get a massage, go shopping, have J take me out to dinner, buy La Perla... the usual things I do to get myself out of this state. Instead, I accepted those emotions as if they were my (new) friends just like the "positive" ones. of course, some wine helped as always (power of wine could never be underestimated). And alas, a couple of days later, I was my usual optimistic self.

I thought about it, you know me, as always I need to analyze and come up with a final analysis for anything that happens. And I was startled to find out that only now have I finally accepted myself completely, fun or no fun. That's what I call unconditional love. That's what I find powerful.

In the end, I felt much stronger, and realized there is nothing I have to fight within me: it's all perfectly good, at least to me, and the rest is - whatever/whenever.. It's that new strenght that I can handle any emotion and still make it safely back :)

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