Sex and Sexuality, V

This post will address one of my readers' comment on the earlier S&S post where I explain that the best sexual experience is when a woman trusts a partner and feels safe with him.

Gary asked me an intriguing but a perfectly legitimate question: "I've periodically heard about the dynamic of a woman having her safety man, but then itching to dabble with the edgy, "dangerous" one. There is always the thrill of mystery. And yet, in what you don't know means there's a chance of unpredictability, less safety. What are your thoughts about that?"

First, I would want to stress on the fact that this dynamic is more rumored than real. Even Gary says that he heard about it, not witnessed let me add.. The concept is undoubtfully popular in movies and no wonder, a woman that surrenders to her wild sexual instincts with a "dangerous" man is extremely arousing to both men and women.

All men secretly hope that a sweet classy girl they want to partner with is crazy and wild in sex. It's like hitting the jackpot. Not to mention they all secretly wish they were those "dangerous" types that would drive her sex hormones up the wall, and they could have her anyway they want (literally).

As for women, they secretly fantasize having such a strong sexual power that the baddest of bad asses will lose his mind and want to do her right on the spot.

Ahh, sorry, for such blatant honesty. I know I am not winning a "Miss Manners" contest with this post. But I can't help myself but being honest. So I'll speak on behalf of so many who would silently agree with what I am saying here. 

Anyway the truth is it is very rare that the likely scenario plays out in real life. 

 Secondly, if it does take place, it's not as exciting as it seems. If a woman succumbs to those temptations, it's for a very brief period if not a moment. As outrageous as we might seem, we still keep our hearts well guarded. Even myself (passionate and unbridled in my emotions), I know when to draw the line. I can as much as flirt with the "dangerous" type, almost lead him on, but take off when it gets close to the danger zone. It's almost as if you're intoxicated and are well aware that there will be a serious hangover the next day. You don't want to take chances. 

And then there are few of us that go all the way and surrender. And what they are left with is feeling lost and empty. For as I said in my prior post, we women get attached to a sex partner chemically, and in the end want love. Yes, in the end, we want authentic love, not simply an adrenaline rushing animal sex but someone to hold us and make love to us. And we are well aware that the "dangerous" type is not capable to give it to us. Besides it's not that often in your life that you run into the Olivier Martinez's type (see pics from the movie "Unfaithful").

But hang in there. If you know me by now, you know that, of course, I found a solution to this exciting dilemma, which I tested myself :) You can go wild and crazy with a partner you trust and love. And the name of my solution is role playing, i.e. playing out your and your partner's fantasies in real life. How you do it is another story. As long as there is trust and safety you can go as wild as you feel free to go.

So as you see, in the end it all comes back to where I started: feeling safe and loved in a relationship :)

P.S. Special thank you goes to one of my favorite readers Gary for such an exciting question.