Saturday, February 4, 2012

Burning questions answered, Part IV

"I don't mind living in a man's world as long as I can be a woman in it"
Marilyn Monroe

Me: Earlier you said "I would want someone strong, independent, honest, loving etc. I need to feel if I leave this world that you are strong to take care of yourself and my child.” I have a lot of girlfriends who are married and don't work, and everyone seems to be happy (at least to the world). And then I have girlfriends who are financially independent and are strong women but have difficulty finding a lifetime partner. The issue is almost always the same: They are too strong and independent.
So my question is do men REALLY want a strong woman with a career or just say it but choose the one who stays home and makes him the center of her world (allegedly).

Man: Yes, when it comes to dating you want a woman who is independent and strong but it changes in a marriage. If two people are working it could hurt a relationship because both parties are tired or busy. When a woman stays home, a man feels comfortable knowing that the kids are in good hands. He knows that when he comes home he can make love to his wife and not hear how tired she is from all day at work.

Me: But then it disagrees with what you said that you want a strong/independent woman who can support the family if something happens to you.. I am confused..

Man: Taking care of a family is an important responsibility. The difference is the women who Don't want to work at all. She should be able to go back to work if husband walks out on her and not look for another man to support her.

Me: Hmm.. But what if she says she wants to work but it really isn't true. How do you know? I have friends who only say it to their men but don't put in any effort.

Man: Communication is a big thing in this case. You need to share plans and ideas and always strive for growth.

Me (still confused and persistent): Communication is one thing. But reality shows me that it's women with no careers, no ambition that have a man who loves them and takes care of them. And then the women who are strong and independent (myself included) are too much to handle for the man's weak ego?

Man: Because what you say you want in life and what you actually get are 2 different things. He may want an independent woman but gets caught up with other things and then doesn't care about it too much. Most men settle in a relationship. Still it doesn't mean he WOULDN'T want a strong and independent woman.

Ok, I wasn't getting anywhere. It's a man's mind, it's a man's world. But one thing I clearly get is that men can say one thing but do the other. They can say they love you but go and sleep with another woman. They can say they admire you but go and marry the one who admires them. They can say they can't live without you but then go and live with the one who makes him her center of the world.

It's my understanding that most men can't handle strong women simply because there are not that many strong men. Only a strong man has control over his ego and is not afraid to have an equal partner who can be his lover in bed and business partner at the same time. But those are few and we still have to deal with the big E in our lives (man's Ego). Women who are good (and willing) actresses find a man to take care of them, women who don't have time or desire to play "male ego" games have challenges finding a partner. And women who refuse to play (me) will only see themselves with one of those few. Yet even if he is one in a million it's still worth waiting. Settling is never an option. Then it's living someone else's life and that's is the worst thing you could do to your soul. Might as well call it a day and go to a temple for the rest of your life.
But any woman (dependent, independent, strong, weak) wants to be a true woman. And only with a true man could she ever be.

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