Sunday, May 22, 2011

Run Sasha Run

First, I acknowledge the fact that I am using the title from a great German movie “Run Lola Run”. (recommend!) Second, I promise I don’t need 100,000F to save my boy-friend’s life and there is only 20 min left to do so. The reason I chose this title is solely because running is my salvation, especially more so these days or any days I feel a need to release my tension.
I wasn’t a runner all my life; in fact, in school I would come up with all sorts of excuses to not run a pathetic 1m we had to do every morning. At the university, I got more creative with my reasons, there was always a period that was super long and sometimes twice a month. Seriously, at some point my trainer started keeping a calendar with my cycles! I still have night mares when he shows up in my dreams with that calendar and a big F for the semester in my gym class (we had those in Russia, I guess to keep us away from drinking or drugs). 
I think that resistance was because I refused to do something with my body that wasn’t my choice, period. In any case, because of the above mentioned experiences I didn’t discover one of my biggest passions till later in my life, about 3 year ago and by my own choice. 
I signed for the gym 3 year ago as I knew I couldn’t spend all of my little precious time outside the office at the bookstores or drinking wine. So I went and I tried and the more I did, the more I liked it. I discovered something truly amazing. Running makes me happy. It releases any negative emotions, tensions, etc. I feel liberated. It is my meditation in motion. 
How hadn’t I known about this love for so long. I knew I always was a fast walker, even if I wasn’t in a rush I rushed. I love speed.
It got me thinking then Why is it that I am always in a rush and running makes me happy? Is it because I am running away from something that bothers me or running to something that I yet don’t have? Could it be both? I know that I would run faster and more when I was going through difficult times in my last relationship. I was running away from the decisions I had to make. Once decisions were made, I would run even more from the consequences. Then I would stop or lower my speed for a while to gain even a faster pace later. 
These days I run the fastest and longest. But I am happy to admit that at least now I am no longer running away from but running to. What it is I am running to I am not entirely sure myself but the journey makes me happy. And there is nothing more important than a happy run.

I know one day I'll stop running from or to, and I will solely run because I love it, especially that I'll know that this love I can always count on.

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