Man is not a Woman, Woman is not a Man

I know I am stating the obvious (the title) here, but you'll be surprised how often we forget this.
Let me explain.
How often we imagine in our minds what a man should do, say or think. We women forget that men don't think the way we do, they don't feel the way we do, and they certainly don't understand why we get upset because they didn't react the way we wanted them to. I am sure it goes the other way around too.
But since I am a woman, it's easier for me to elaborate from a female's perspective.
Here's a scenario. Let's say we want him to be more loving to us. But instead of just coming up to him and telling him directly into his face what we want, we start saying stupid things like "I don't feel like you're present", "I feel distance", etc. In the meantime, what we really mean is that we want more loving, what we really want is for him to say "Don't be silly, I love you so much. Come here". That's what we women would do/say, wouldn't we?

But men are not us. They take whatever we say literally. So instead of opening his arms and wrapping them around us, he starts thinking that she's not happy with him, even worse, he doesn't make her happy. And this is probably the most terrible thing he could feel in regard to a relationship since he takes it as a direct accusation of not being enough. If she is not happy with me, I need to go.

So you see, instead of getting what we truly wanted we got the absolute opposite. Very ironic to say the least, and could be fatally damaging.

By trial and error (and unnecessary tears) I learned to forgo my "female mind tricks", and just simply say what I want. And what a relief, who knew it would be so easy?
If it's a good and loving relationship, a partner will respond and give, and give. He wants to make you happy, and if you tell him how, he'll do it.

Relationships are real, they need understanding. But it won't come from projecting your personal assumptions. We need to get out of our heads, and start seeing another as an individual with their personal thoughts and perceptions.

Good loving to all.

Everyday Love

Cheers lovers,

So I've been thinking and wondering what direction should I take now that I am in a relationship with a man I love?
The truth is I miss my blog, I miss writing about my thoughts, sharing my endeavors. What the hell, I miss talking about love and sex.
And then I realized, I don't have to end my blog. In fact, I should come back, I need to come back. I feel it's even more of my duty now that I'm learning what love is.
You see, searching for love doesn't really end once we fall in love. Quite the opposite, love keeps revealing itself more and more as we go along. Sometimes, we lose ourselves or let our egos take control, but if we run back to love and let it rule our lives, we realize that it's being discovered every day, it's being experienced every moment. Love in a way gets a life of its own.

Yes, that's what I am beginning to learn. In the last year or so, I made mistakes, I chickened out a few times. But I am glad I was smart enough (and lucky enough to have a patient lover) to always come back to love and let it take its course. It wasn't as easy for me as I expected, in fact, I realized, I didn't really know what love was till now. It's not what most of us think it is. It's not just chemistry and excitement. It's also about compassion, acceptance and giving. And I am only scratching the surface here.

So I've decided to start a new series about every day love. I'll write about my thoughts and experiences on what love is, what it takes to keep it alive, and how to surrender to it.

Mistakenly we believe that once we find love, there is nothing else we need to do. Somehow all our problems and issues will disappear, and we'll live in a perpetual bliss of romance.
Let me tell you, we humans also have egos and minds that like to sabotage (screw up really) whenever we feel vulnerable or giving control away. And being in love is letting yourself being vulnerable, it's about giving up control to the relationship. For most of us, especially the strong-willed ones, giving up control is not the easiest thing. Some of us have lost trust after a few disappointments. Some of us closed off completely.

I've been a victim of my fears and doubts, I've let my ego mess with my life. But letting love in and surrendering to it in the end, was the best decision I made in my life.

I know most people will relate to what I am sharing here. And as I am learning myself how to love and to be loved, I want to share it with you. For believe me, there is nothing more beautiful than to love and be loved. It opens our hearts, it tames our minds, and most importantly, it reveals our souls.

 Welcome to my new series "Let Love Rule"

A come-back

Cheers lovers,

I know I've been avoiding my blog (and you) for months now. In few posts during that time, I'd drop a line promising to explain my disappearance in the near future. "Near future" is subjective but even I agree, in my case, it took a very long time.

The time has come, the secret is ready to be revealed.
I've got a lover. Call it a partner, boy-friend, man. I personally prefer "lover" for obvious reasons:)
If you recall this blog's main objective was to find love. I started it 2+ years ago as a single gal, getting over a painful break-up with my 2nd love. Instead of closing my heart and throwing a key into the ocean, I decided to open it and let it guide me to find love again.
For 2 years, I shared with you my experiences, good or bad, mostly fun, sometimes even frisky... I dated, I ran away to Vegas, I tried many things, but mainly I was learning to be happy on my own.
And I did. Just last summer (July 2012), I realized something (the most) important thing in life: Love is already there, inside your heart. No need to look for it, for it will be escaping you for as long as you do. It might be strong but it's unobtrusive, it wants you to find it for yourself. It's waiting patiently and quietly. And when you do, it will whisper from your heart, it will fill your soul with love so complete that you'll never have to look outside yourself anymore. It will be your light and guide.

So I finally came to that point in my life. I realized how loved I was, how complete I was. And it was then that I stopped looking for love from outside myself. Not long after, we met, then we fell in love, and then started a relationship.
So you see, I couldn't be as devoted to my blog anymore, for the objective changed. In a way, mission was accomplished.
I did miss my blog, for it'd become my child, the window to my soul. And I visited it now and then. But it felt different this time. I knew I had to take a new direction.
Naturally, a new blog idea came along. This is coming soon.

But saying good bye turned out to be harder than I thought. We'd been together for 2 years after all.
So I still want to come here, I want to write, but my posts will be different. I know I'll want to share new experiences, inspire others, and most importantly, connect with my soul.

Why don't people fly?

"Why don't people fly? Why can't we just get up and fly high above? I am thinking.. I want to get away from here, I want to fly high above. From everything that is here in this world. Why can't I fly like a butterfly from one flower to another. Never stay anywhere, but always going there. There. And why do we live? What is life at all? What are we doing here before we go to the other world?"

I wrote when I was 13. I didn't remember I wrote it. It was my mom who read it to me this morning from the diary I wrote long time ago. She said she was reading it all day, and besides some surprise and maybe even fascination with what she read, she also had a "light bulb" moment. Finally I started making sense to her. It's as if after all this years, she could finally see me.

I always knew I was different. But how did I know that I was SO different? If it took my mother this long to figure me out how long does it take others to "see" me? Most people never will. She said only now could she connect the dots and understand why I was the way I was, reading all those books when I was very young, making my own path in this world..

Am I alone? How do I relate to others who don't understand that we are only visiting here and our lives are not ours but our souls'? Have we forgotten who we are? I have forgotten myself from time to time. But I still chose to remember. I don't want to forget. I still want to know why we can't fly...

Quotes

Cheers lovers,

I know it's been awhile. You've noticed that my blogging activity has greatly subsided. I'll explain why when the timing is right. Just hang in there.

For now, here are some of my pearls of wisdom:)

1) If a man lets a woman go, he doesn't have a place in her life.

2) A weak man will disappear after the first challenge. A strong man will pass all tests. A true man will stay.

3) A weakness in a man is a disguised disinterest.

4) Bad sex should be avoided. It's a disgrace to a female body.

5) A female orgasm is not a mystery, it's a happy discovery.

6) Female body should be approached as a lifetime journey. It's always exciting, it's always new, it's always enticing. Above all, it really is about a journey not a destination.

7) Don't try to hold on to someone (something) that doesn't belong to you. You are not letting the one who does enter your life.

8) Don't be afraid to be silly. Life will thank you for that.