Sandy, Finale

If you recall, Sandy (the super storm that hit NY area back in November 2012) and I came close, almost dangerously close. It's all described in my posts about Sandy (read under the label Sandy).

Although I wrote a lot about this experience it was never quiet finalized. I just couldn't bring myself to give it a final word, to let this dream go. It became symbolic.
Going back there, seeing the damage Sandy caused, packing my things in a cold dark apartment, crying my heart out, seeing how my visions about this place and my life by the beach were passing me by, like big white birds in the sky. I am not going to lie, I was devastated.

So as soon as I settled back in the city, I tried not to think much about it. I focused on the positive. How lucky I was to find a place I loved, the place that made me and Josephine feel like home. We (especially my J) were happy. But a ghost of a shattered dream would haunt me now and then. I knew I didn't let it go completely.

The truth is I didn't want to let it go. Dreams are like big loves to me, they are grand, they are deeply rooted. That's just the way I am.

Needless to say, I moved on with my life and almost never shared with anyone (almost anyone:) about my internal struggle of letting it go.

Living close to Columbia University (the first place I stayed at when coming to NYC in 2001) I certainly sensed a deja vu moment. After 12 years of living in the city, I was back to where it all began. The circle was complete. Though I was different, I was home now. This sense of belonging helped me let most of the Sandy experience go. Going to Long Beach this weekend, however, helped me let it go completely. For the first time, I didn't feel sorrow, I was able to see it once again as a cool place I go to on the weekends to get some sun and see the ocean.

I learned many lessons from Sandy, and shared them with you in other posts. So here is my last one: Sometimes dreams don't come true. But life goes on, and we will always be where we need to be even if we don't see it yet.

The most important moment was when I realized and accepted that it wasn't my time yet to part with New York. We had more things we needed to do, great things. And New York had never been so clear and open with me as this time. It took me back with open arms, and gave the best gift yet.

Post Sandy, Part IV

"Embrace challenge. It's an accelerator to growth" - Sasha D (NYL blog's writer)

The month I was displaced wasn't the hardest month in my life. It was the most challenging.

The person I am, I like my space, I love my space! That was the reason I wanted to move to Long Beach in the first place. I needed more space. I wanted to get away from the city and its consuming noise. I was looking for an escape.

Imagine when you're looking forward to something really bad, counting days knowing that it's all set and waiting for you. And then you get it, but you only get it for a moment. The next thing you know, you're not only back to where you were but worse...

That's exactly what happened to me. I moved to a beautiful place by the beach, with lovely neighbors and friendly community. It felt unreal, it felt heavenly. I wasn't just happy, I felt like I was living my dream, I was writing my own book.
Listen, all my life I dreamed to live by the beach, nothing brought me to God closer than the water, and the Atlantic Ocean outside my windows was as close to Heaven as I could get.
I know it sounds a bit dramatic. But it is. It was.

So I move there, after 3 long months of anticipation. I don't care about the storm warning, I don't care about anything. What bad could happen if I am finally going to live my dream?

And then, 2 days later, my dream escapes me. I find myself in a dark cold place with no connection to the world, and a feeling of harsh awakening. It wasn't meant to be. I wasn't supposed to have my heaven yet. I am not done with the world. I have work to do.

The city simply didn't let me go. I am too young, I am too driven, I am too ambitious to escape the world and live my own heavenly secluded existence.

Instead I am thrown back to what I was running away from - life, people, action. And there was never as much of each as in a month to come. Every day was a survival, a new strategy, a new action. I was never alone, even for a second. That was the biggest challenge indeed. I learned how to live with others. Though I lived with a couple of boy-friends before, that was different. This time, it was vulnerable, even exposing. Despite the fact that it was uncomfortable for the most part, I learned how to get by depending on others. Something I always had a problem with. Never depended on anyone really, that was a new and profound experience.

I am not going to say Yes, that was amazing, I want to do it again :) No, I am still as independent as I was. But I am very happy I had an opportunity to learn how to accept help.
Lesson # 4: Accepting help from others is necessary at times. That will teach us how to help others.

It wasn't just help from friends I stayed with, it was help from friends who took care of my kitty, friends who drove me to Long Beach and back to get stuff, friends who offered storage for my things. Special thanks to all is at the end of this post.

Back to facts. As stated in my previous post about Sandy, the apartment I moved in on Long Beach would take months to fix. I wasn't sure what to do. Look for a new place, sublet something temporarily and wait till my place on LB is fixed? How long would I have to wait? Many Many questions to ask and answer. I was so lost, I wasn't even thinking for the most part. I was just taking steps, one at a time. And one small step along the way eventually brought me to my new place, my new home:)

After a month of confusion and chaos (domestically at least, never spiritually:) I was back in the city permanently. I can't say I found my new home. It was more that it found me. And now I am residing in the area that means NYC to me more than any other. Because this neighborhood was my first home not only in NYC but in the States. I am back to where I came first: near Columbia University. And it never felt more like home:)

To be continued....

Special thanks to my friends: Val, Marianne, Ksenia, Vas, Jeromy, Tulu, Joe, Serge, Natalie F, Roxana, Jonathan and Daniel :)

Saying Good Bye to Long Beach. A NY Times photographer captured this shot of me.

With my Sis (to the left)  at Columbia campus where I stayed 11 years ago
and now live 5 blocks away from it.

Aftermath, Part III

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."

--Jewish proverb

The storm passed and silence fell on Long Beach. For the next 2 days, I was in complete oblivion, still in shock after what happened. All seemed like a wild dream at the time, I think I was sleeping 12 hours a day during those days, not being able to differentiate what was real and what wasn't. 

I didn't have a plan on my way out, though I knew I had to. All my neighbors left one by one, and I was the only one left in an empty, dark, cold building. When the 3rd day came, and it became clear that power wouldn't be back in the foreseeable future, I knew I had to get out. I took my gym back, threw in few things, and left the building with no plan in mind. 

The Long Island Rail Road station was closed of course, but I was lucky to find a couple of cabbies who were driving close distances. One of them agreed to take me to JFK, and so we went. From JFK, I made it to the city right before Mayor Bloomberg made it mandatory to have more than 2 people in a car. When later I finally looked back on everything that happened, I knew that God was carrying me the whole time. 

To say that I am fortunate to have great friends would be an understatement. I'm blessed to have the most amazing people to be my friends. All of them were calling me, offering help, inviting me to stay with them. And that's what I did for a month to come.

My first stay was on Upper East side (thank you my dearest Val). I was shocked to see that life was going on as usual on UES, people going out, eating, drinking, having fun, when just an hour drive away people were cut off from the reality with no power, no water, no place to go. That's when I learned my 2nd lesson during this whole experience: life is unfair, and there will always be someone who suffers and someone who doesn't. My first lesson was (in case I didn't mention it in my first post about Sandy): Anything could happen. Nature is in charge.

The second shock was when I watched news on what happened to other damaged areas. People lost their homes, they had no food, no water. My situation faded next to them. I was fortunate to have survived, with my belongings undamaged, and priceless experience gained. 

The following month, November, I was staying with different friends in the city, traveling to Boston, Minneapolis, visiting those I hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone was so sweet and loving. That's when I learned my 3rd lesson: Relationships with others can tell us who we are. I must have done something right in this life to have such great friends. 

God's presence was throughout the whole time, and when I share all my lessons during this experience you'll see why. 

My new home was deemed "Red" by FEMA, which meant not livable but not under demolition. Simply put, no one could stay there till it's repaired. The whole ground level was flooded and destroyed, the roof on the right side was blown off. There was a lot of work to be done. So just when I was informed that it would take months (3 or more) to fix my building the most amazing thing happened. 

Stay tuned...

Sandy, Part II

Here are some pics from those two memorable days I spent on Long Beach during the storm. The first one is of the day before Sandy. The waves were big and glorious, surfers had the best time. 

Pictures below are of the day of the hurricane, and capture the ocean making it to the street. I was on the boardwalk the whole time, and experienced it firsthand. 

Pictures taken at night are from my balcony. As you can see the ocean made it to my street and kept going, and it was still few hours away from the high tide. My phone died when we reached the high tide and images of the waves at full force are, unfortunately, mental. But take my word for it, the waves rushing through my building and blocks ahead were as big as surfing ones at the beach the day before.

I am back, Part I

Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch life from the sidelines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single day's work an achievement for eternity."

--Gabriel Heatter,

Cheers All,

Very happy to be back and let you in on what happened to me since my last post. I know it wasn't the smoothest move to drop one "confusing" line after hurricane Sandy and disappear for a month. But once I tell you what happened last month, you'll understand the reason for my MIA.

So remember the post where I mentioned big changes coming my way? I wasn't kidding. The changes exceeded even my own expectations. My whole life took an unexpected turn, and everything changed. Everything. 

It all started in September, when summer was coming to an end, and I started getting restless about approaching winter and not being able to go to the beach on the weekends. What can I say, last summer spent on Long Beach made me truly fall in love with it. After 11 years, I was ready to say good bye to my first love (NYC), and move on to my 2nd.

That's how I decided to move to Long Beach. I'll give you all a few seconds to digest, as I know you'll need it. Yes, leaving New York was shocking to all, even myself...  But I was determined. I was ready to kiss the city good bye and move to the City by the Sea. 

Over the summer, I made quiet a few friends on Long Beach, and finding a perfect place right by the beach was the easiest thing. I was excited, counting days before my move, going out with friends, saying good buy to my New York.

But sometimes life has its own plans for us that we have no control over. My move was on October 28th, the day before Sandy hit the Northeast. Did I hear about a hurricane coming our way? Yes. Did I care about mandatory evacuation? No. I moved to Long Beach. I was happy, sitting on the boardwalk watching surfers catching the biggest waves I'd seen in my life. The most beautiful experience for me. Even when reporters from the Fox 5 news said that we should evacuate as it would be the biggest storm in NY's history, I didn't care. I was home.

The next day, Sandy came. And you know what happened. You saw the news. Well, I was there, I saw it live, I lived it. In fact, I was on the boardwalk, taking pictures and videos, right when the ocean broke through the gate, and made it to the streets. I ran for life, with water up to my knees and rising, and wind blowing so hard I doubted I would make it home. Was I scared? No. I was fascinated by the nature, and its force. How foolish of us to think that we are in charge here on Earth...

Somehow, I made it home. All my neighbors stayed in, and were having a "Sandy" party. But the next 4 hours became my life's Titanic. The water was getting higher and stronger. It made it to our building, it was rising by minutes. In an hour, everyone who lived on the lower level had to evacuate upstairs. Girls were saving some clothes, some things, as the water was streaming thru the doors and windows. 

I saw it approaching my level, and praying for the high tide, which was still 3 hours away. Standing on my balcony was like standing on Titanic, water was everywhere, surfing waves right outside my window and all around. I didn't panic, except for one moment when I called my friend Jonathan to ask to pray for me, and the reception was lost before I could hear him speak, and so was power around the island. We were cut off from the rest of the world. Exactly at 9pm we reached the high tide, and the ocean stood still. I don't remember exactly what happened next, I might have passed out. Just remember waking up the next day at 9am, and being surprised to see that the water receded back to the beach, leaving sand behind. We walked around the sandy streets, taking pictures of the damages Sandy caused. We were in a silent shock. That's how I spent the following two days, with no water, no power, no cell service, in complete oblivion. 

Don't ask me how, but on the 3rd day, I was able to make it back to the city. The shock of my personal experience was overshadowed by what I saw on the news. We were lucky to be alive.

To be continued...