Big O Formula

Nite lovers,

It's been awhile since I wrote on the favorite subject, although my sex life has never been better. In fact, these days I am having the best orgasms of my life. Hallelujah.

Anyway, today during meditation my subconscious responded in a clear way on how I reached the peak of my sexual experience. I found a formula for the best orgasms a woman could experience. Listen up, ladies. In fact, guys, listen up too. Both parties might benefit from it.

Again, I don't mean to imply that my formula will work for everyone but I do feel confident it might be helpful to most sexually curious:) At least it will bring some interest to the subject of sex once again, and for its right reasons. For believe me, very few things in life are as good as good sex life. An orgasm is the sweetest thing, and it's completely calorie free. No desert in the world could compare. Those who experience them, know what I am talking about. And those who don't, please don't waste a minute any longer. Drop everything and get on a journey of finding the Big O.

So the formula that works for me consists of 3 variables that need not to be in any particular order but all need to be present and be in sync. When present and in balance, those 3 variables will give a woman the best Big O she could hope for. And I mean Big O: multiple, completely unbridled, out of this world orgasm. Here it is:

Big O = Self-awareness of your own body + Chemistry + Non-selfish partner.

Let me explain.

1) Self-awareness of your own body: you need to know what makes you tick. It starts within yourself and exploring your own body. Play with it, love it, make love to it, let it love you back. You need to learn how to give yourself the best orgasms first.
2) Chemistry: pretty self-explanatory. You need to have chemistry with your lover.
3) Non-selfish partner: also supposed to be self-explanatory, but Oh well... Basically a not selfish lover is the one who makes sure that you come first, and keep on coming:) He knows that your orgasms are like the ocean and is not afraid do dive in and take you on a ride. He takes pleasure in seeing you getting turned on and wild, losing your control and surrendering to the sweetest thing. He takes time.

It works, take my word for it. I hope this will inspire you to try and perhaps find your own formula. And if you do, please share! The world will thank you for that.

Love to all

The Big Fake O

It's the 21st Century, and it's no longer a secret that most (all!) women fake an orgasm now and then. We don't want to hurt your feelings guys, but the truth is we do it on a regular basis.

Although this fact is no longer shocking, the next thing I am going to share with you is probably going to shake some men's world. Not intentional, I'm just being a messenger here.

The Big truth about the Big O is very few men make us orgasm 90-100% of the time. The majority is about 50/50 or less. Whatever a woman tells you, this is the truth and we don't want you to feel bad about it. Don't get me wrong, we still enjoy sex, and can be crazy about you. It's just not every man can take us all the way to the top. Blame it on our complexities.

Being a man, of course you want to know what needs to be done to make her orgasm. How does one become a great lover?

There is really no guideline, for if there was we would definitely share it with you. Don't you think we'd rather enjoy the most amazing feeling in the world than faking it and worrying whether we did a good job? I don't have to answer it:)

You guys know me, I analyze stuff, I search for answers. So I am going to share some knowledge that might be helpful. Again, there is always a room for improvement.

If you recall from my earlier posts about sex and sexuality, I am extremely sexual, and certainly feel entitled to have strong opinions based on my love for sex and my partners' feedback :) But even I haven't "hit the spot" with most of my partners every time we were intimate. Reality: only 2 men in my life lead me to orgasm every time we made love. One of them I loved, the other - I didn't. Therefore my earlier theory that we only experience it 100% of the time with the one we love is not true. Besides, the 2nd man I loved, had less than 50% success rate with me (not that he knew that...)
As I learned love is not all it takes.

So what did those men have that others didn't?
They both seriously and genuinely cared about pleasuring me in and out of bed. They put me first at all times when we were together. They truly believed and made me feel that I was the most beautiful girl in the world. They never asked me to do anything for them, they simply wanted to take care of me. They made me feel special. They treated me nicely and generously, showed me undivided attention. They always set the mood, and made me feel safe. They picked me up and carried me to bed. They let me feel desirable, a true sex Goddess. They took oral sex to the next level.

The most amazing part about it is that we didn't even have to do anything crazy. There were no acrobatic moves, stimulants of any sort or any extra work involved. It would happen so naturally, so smoothly that we could never even recall how we got there. It was just easy, almost too easy. But that's the real beauty: The Big O is very simple if you only find the right key :)

How do you find the key? Well, this is for you to find out. There are different keys just as there are different women. But you'll need to find the one that is just right for her.
But I am sure putting her first would be a good place to start with any woman!

Sex in NY

Cheers All,

On another hot Saturday night, I was actually going to just drink my wine and watch "Vicky, Christina, Barcelona" after a beautiful happy day at the beach; however, something I read today just wouldn't let me rest.
When this morning, while getting some stuff for the beach at the store, I saw "Sex" on the cover of the "New York" magazine, I had an instant impulse to buy it. I was curious. Sex in the city - my kinda stuff.

Needless to say, I didn't read the article till later in the day, and I am happy I didn't. Cause it disturbed me big time. If you're a curious one (like me), please go get the magazine and read it. And then please tell me your opinion. Maybe it's just my reaction, and maybe I'm exaggerating. But I felt sad, even bothered by what I read.

The article was written beautifully, don't get me wrong. Dan P. Lee is a good writer. But it was the substance of the article that disturbed me. In a nutshell: he covers several scenes (sexual in nature) he found and investigated in the city.

Disturbing part: all the scenes were somewhat perverted in nature. He found some fetish and swing clubs, parties for older singles, women in the "oldest profession in history", looser guy from the dating site, etc. It all sounds extremely depressing, and as if this is how it is in the Big City.
Basically, sex experienced far from the ideal and most common way we envision: love or affection/attraction for the one you have it with.
While reading the article, I was constantly telling myself "Not true! I haven't met anyone who would get into any of the described scenarios. It's all a very small part of New York and lovers in the city".

Then I stopped questioning and started thinking. Is it really how it is in the city? I know it's not easy to find someone you can trust and ultimately love (as love could never survive without the former)?

But isn't it the case around the world? Then why such a pessimistic outlook on the dating pool in NYC? I'm pretty sure, there are "sexually deviant" people everywhere in the country.

Myself, my friends and people I have in my circle, have shown me the most normal and inspiring outlook on love and sex in NY. It's true, on rare occasions, I do indulge in conversations with my girl-friends how crazy men are in the city, and how difficult it is to come across someone normal as we are. But those are rare, cause we all know that NY is a pool of different people, most of whom haven't been born here, and we are among them anyway. I think it's just the matter of time, and place, and expectation. We all want to make careers first. New York itself has nothing to do with it. In fact, I believe nowhere else but NY would one have the best shot at meeting their true love, being it the most travelled and visited city in the world.

Again, it's me talking, an optimist by heart. Someone who's found herself in the city, who's had most of her sex in the city, who's loved only in the city. Someone who loves the city. So I do feel defensive about it, and would want to defend.

Not sure why the "New York" magazine thought it would be a great article for its readers to read (mostly New Yorkers I bet), and why Dan (most likely not a New Yorker himself) only looked and participated in the most disturbing sex scenes in the city...
But it makes me so much more reminiscent of those movies about the city that showed love and sex the way I wanted to see it: "When Harry Met Sally", "You've got mail", "Sex and the City", "Friends", etc.

And also the way I've experienced it myself. The article doesn't do the city any justice. 

Sex and Sexuality, V

This post will address one of my readers' comment on the earlier S&S post where I explain that the best sexual experience is when a woman trusts a partner and feels safe with him.

Gary asked me an intriguing but a perfectly legitimate question: "I've periodically heard about the dynamic of a woman having her safety man, but then itching to dabble with the edgy, "dangerous" one. There is always the thrill of mystery. And yet, in what you don't know means there's a chance of unpredictability, less safety. What are your thoughts about that?"

First, I would want to stress on the fact that this dynamic is more rumored than real. Even Gary says that he heard about it, not witnessed let me add.. The concept is undoubtfully popular in movies and no wonder, a woman that surrenders to her wild sexual instincts with a "dangerous" man is extremely arousing to both men and women.

All men secretly hope that a sweet classy girl they want to partner with is crazy and wild in sex. It's like hitting the jackpot. Not to mention they all secretly wish they were those "dangerous" types that would drive her sex hormones up the wall, and they could have her anyway they want (literally).

As for women, they secretly fantasize having such a strong sexual power that the baddest of bad asses will lose his mind and want to do her right on the spot.

Ahh, sorry, for such blatant honesty. I know I am not winning a "Miss Manners" contest with this post. But I can't help myself but being honest. So I'll speak on behalf of so many who would silently agree with what I am saying here. 

Anyway the truth is it is very rare that the likely scenario plays out in real life. 

 Secondly, if it does take place, it's not as exciting as it seems. If a woman succumbs to those temptations, it's for a very brief period if not a moment. As outrageous as we might seem, we still keep our hearts well guarded. Even myself (passionate and unbridled in my emotions), I know when to draw the line. I can as much as flirt with the "dangerous" type, almost lead him on, but take off when it gets close to the danger zone. It's almost as if you're intoxicated and are well aware that there will be a serious hangover the next day. You don't want to take chances. 

And then there are few of us that go all the way and surrender. And what they are left with is feeling lost and empty. For as I said in my prior post, we women get attached to a sex partner chemically, and in the end want love. Yes, in the end, we want authentic love, not simply an adrenaline rushing animal sex but someone to hold us and make love to us. And we are well aware that the "dangerous" type is not capable to give it to us. Besides it's not that often in your life that you run into the Olivier Martinez's type (see pics from the movie "Unfaithful").

But hang in there. If you know me by now, you know that, of course, I found a solution to this exciting dilemma, which I tested myself :) You can go wild and crazy with a partner you trust and love. And the name of my solution is role playing, i.e. playing out your and your partner's fantasies in real life. How you do it is another story. As long as there is trust and safety you can go as wild as you feel free to go.

So as you see, in the end it all comes back to where I started: feeling safe and loved in a relationship :)

P.S. Special thank you goes to one of my favorite readers Gary for such an exciting question.

Sex and sexuality, IV

In this post I'll share one of my methods to bring in sexuality into your every day life which will ultimately take your sex life to a higher level.

I'll be addressing each method separately just so it's not too overwhelming all at once. Also I've learned that in order to master something close to perfection, it's best to take one step at a time. So let's get started.

I want to speak to women now (men are welcome to listen as always:). Ladies, we all need to fall in love with our bodies. It's essential. Please get over the publicized images of what's considered beautiful and what's not. The truth is it's not the shape but how a woman holds it and even more importantly how she feels about it. Our bodies are our temples to foster our souls in this life time experience. We need to give them some gratitude, don't you think.

And if you start appreciating your body, you'll want to nourish it, you'll want to take a better care of it. And the best part is it's all in your hands. Let your body move, let it rest, let it guide you. Haven't you ever noticed, even when you didn't feel motivated to go the gym or do any physical activity, once you did, you felt amazing afterwards. It was that little (really not helpful/sabotaging) voice telling you how tired you were, and just not feeling like doing anything, and finding all kinds of excuses to avoid a workout. Once you shut that little voice down and took your butt for a run, yoga class, etc, your body was so happy that even that little voice in the end had nothing to say. Yes, we all had that experience. So just remember how happy and elevated you felt after your workout, how light and flexible your body felt. How sexy you felt then?

Yes, when we feel happy in our bodies, we feel sexy. 

So my first mantra for you is to become physical, i.e. find sport, activity that speaks to you and makes your body happy. then do it, do it as much and as often as you can. Happy and open body is your most important foundation to feel sexy, to exude sexuality from within. 

But it's not only with physical activity that we nourish our bodies, we need to give it a beautiful wrapping too:) I think nothing is more sensual than a high quality lingerie. Ladies, just dressing yourself in a nice lingerie on any day of the week, will take you that one giant step closer to discovering your Inner Sex Goddess. You know what I like to do that makes me feel like a Goddess right away. Putting on bright red La Perla on a regular day at work. Especially if I wear a button down shirt and pants. Who would even suspect what's happening underneath? But I do, and it creates that special sex appeal around me even on an average work day. Or how about boy shorts on a date? I know I can be kinky. But seriously it's all about having fun while creating sexual vibes around yourself. It's letting your body enjoy itself and being playful with it.

So get out there, do something physical, let your body dance, sing, open up. Then go get La Perla (my choice) or a good lingerie line you like. Put it on and start letting your Inner Sex Goddess shine thru.

I'm with you all the way! 

Love

P.S. For the guys who read this post please feel free to leave your feedback. I know you have a lot to agree to here.

Sex and sexuality, III

Since my last post about Sex and Sexuality was addressed to ladies (or as I like to say these days, Female Goddesses) I am dedicating this one to you gentlemen, all our men out there.

Before you start reading all the Men's Health Magazines articles on "How to Make Her Wild and Happy" there is just one simple thing you need to know on how to let your woman open up in bed and surrender to her unbridled passion. For, believe me, all women have it in them, it's natural to us as we are the bearers of life. It's just some are a little more guarded than the others, some are simply too worried, etc. Once a woman opens up in bed, you'll know what Heaven feels like.

So what is the ONE thing you need to do to let your woman open up and let it be an out of this world sexual experience?
Here it is: Make her feel safe. She needs to feel safe with you. Sounds simple, doesn't it? The truth is very few men make us feel safe around them. All women might explain differently what a sense of safety feels to them, and it could be somewhat different to some. But I'll give you a general description.

Being intimate with a partner is the most vulnerable experience that happens to us. Whatever she tells you, deep inside she knows that each time she is intimate with you, she gives a little part of herself away to you, with each time, she fills her cells with tenderness and connection to you. She takes your body in and she lets you into her heart.

When we don't feel safe with a partner, in other words, know that we shouldn't let him into our bodies and ultimately into our hearts, we start protecting ourselves. We don't let ourselves open up, and are constantly on guard, even during an orgasm (if it's a real one:).
When we feel safe with a partner, we open our bodies, we open our hearts, and we let our minds go. That's when the best sexual experience happens. (and real orgasms:)

So how do you make her feel safe? Well it depends on a personality. You just need to figure it out, listen to her, observe her. For me, for instance, it's when I know that I am with a man who takes care of things and I can simply relax and be a beautiful sensual woman. He is with me and I am the only one he wants and needs. I can rely on him, I feel safe and taken care of. Even as simple as making sure, I am fed and feeling comfortable and at ease wherever we are. He makes me feel like home. He picks me up and carries me to bed:) He puts my feet between his legs to make them warm. He brings me a glass of water to bed if I am thirsty. I can go on:)))


He knows how fragile women are (even the ones who seem very strong:) and need to be shown that they are in no danger with him. Basically, we need to see that you you've got our back if anything happens. You put us first.

I know it's a bit different from all the tips you've read in men's magazines. But this is the only truth if you want it. And I am sure you do, if it's something real(authentic) that you're looking for.

I'm here if you have any questions:)

Sex and sexuality, II

Now that you've thought (I hope) about the meaning of sex & sexuality in your life I would like to discuss a technical side of it.

However before jumping into a very exciting topic on how to develop sexuality and enhance your sex life with your partner, I first would like to discuss self satisfaction (self pleasure if you will).
I want to speak to women mostly, to all women, singe, partnered, married, etc.
Ladies, one of the most important things you can do for yourself is to learn how to orgasm on your own. Moreover, you need to get to the point when you give yourself the best orgasms. I admit and agree that the best sex and orgasms are with a loving partner with whom you share true passionate love. But this discussion isn't about that.
It's more about learning how to satisfy yourself so well that you won't find yourself stuck in a wrong relationship, won't worry about your sex life when single and act crazy, or simply put up with BS from a man who doesn't deserve you and your body.
We women are very sensual and get attached to a sex partner chemically. Nothing we could do about it, it's biology. This little biological trick does a number on us, let me tell you. If we don't take care of it, we can end up far from where we dreamed to be. We could find ourselves in a toxic relationship and not being able to leave for fear to be alone. We could put up with bad attitude from our man, when he doesn't cherish and appreciate you the way you deserve. And the worst thing, we could confuse it with true love and in the end get hurt because men never, listen to me, NEVER, confuse sex with love. Sex is simply sex for them. They can make love to you in the morning and then go on and break your heart later in the day. Just saying, shit happens.
We need to understand and embrace our female power. God gave us (not men) this power to bring new life to the world. We are blessed to have multiple extensive orgasms that men can only dream of. We undoubtedly rule the world of creation. Our bodies are temples where life is born and that is why we are so in touch with sexuality.

Once you become you body's best lover you hold the power in any relationship. Once you know that you give yourself the greatest pleasure you'll never put up with a selfish partner. Ultimately you'll find yourself with a loving man who will make sure that you come first :)

I'll leave it at that for now but will be coming back to it every time I write about sex and sexuality. In the meantime, get excited, go on a journey of discovering your own body. It's beautiful and it wants your attention. Listen to it for it holds many answers you might be looking for. As always I am there for you.

Please feel free to ask me more about it, and maybe even on the ways how to achieve orgasms on your own. I'll be happy to help you find your power.
Namaste!

Reminder

Nite all.

This is a reminder to think about the questions I asked you in my previous post! I know I am being pushy here, but I really want you to put in some effort too. This is for the highest benefit to all.
Before I take you to the next step, which is showing the methods and learning how to develop your Inner Sex Goddess, I want you to understand what it all means to you.
So please think about love, sex, sexuality and anything else that comes in the process:) let inspiration and your heart guide you.

here is another music video I absolutely love:

http://youtu.be/p_36_nrIUvw

Sex and sexuality, I

I would like to start this post with a question for you to answer (sharing on my blog is always welcome). Take your time, be honest.

What do Sex & Sexuality mean to you? What role do they play in your life and how do you feel about them?

Before you start thinking I would like to share my perception, just so you understand what I am talking about. 

Sex and sexuality are two different words with their own unique meaning. However for me, they are inseparable and complementary. Sex has never meant to me as a simple physical act/intercourse. It's rather a sacred union of body, mind and soul connected in the most natural and loving way. In other words, it's the highest level of balance between mind, body and soul that feels the most natural and loving.

I believe to truly enjoy sex it needs to be perceived as something sacred and given to us from God. In fact, there is a lot of evidence from the earlier religious works telling us that sex was considered the highest form of love by God's manifestation. The earlier works of Kabbalah didn't only consider sex sacred but also performed Sex Magick rituals to communicate with God (the Divine) to manifest their dreams and desires. And of course, the most convincing argument is that it's only thru sex that we are able to create new life in a natural way.

Sexuality is a state (a sensation if you will) necessary to make a sexual experience spiritual. Simply put, to reach the highest sexual satisfaction and connect to the Divine, you need to develop sexuality first. It could be developed in many ways and I'll be sharing with you my methods in the future posts, I promise. Trust me, I take this stuff seriously :) Simply because, anytime before a sexual experience (either by myself or with a partner) I feel that it's something magical and requires special preparation. I'll discuss it in a greater detail going forward. But for now I just want you to think about those questions I asked in the beginning.

Music might be helpful in your thought process:) here is a video I like but you can use your own, just make sure it's sensual. Have fun!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUh99P4lYAM

Sex and sexuality, Launch

Cheers all in the new year.

I would like to start 2012 with one of my new series mentioned earlier, and my favorite no less!

The reason I decided to launch this conversation is my authentic interest and passion about sex and sexuality. Let me tell you, I am not the one who lowers her voice and puts her eyes down when a subject of sex is raised. I am the one who brings the subject up, and talks about it with the seriousness common to any other important life matter.
Why do I have such a liberal and open attitude about it I am not entirely sure myself.
I don't think it has to do with the upbringing or cultural background as much as with my own DNA. You see my parents weren't hippies walking around the house naked and talking to me and my sister about sex when we were growing up. In fact, my parents got married super young and were the first partner for each other. The only experience I remember from my childhood is my secret late nite playboy watching when everyone was asleep. I believe I was 11-12 y.o. I don't think my parents even suspected that every Saturday after midnight, a regular movie channel would switch to an erotic/sexual content.
Playboy shows were amazing in the 90's (unlike these days), they were erotic and sensual. I would feel almost intoxicated and would be looking forward to them every week.
Then I had a pretty normal sexual development, having my first sexual experience when I was 17, which was a major disappointment to my parents that I had sex outside of marriage. But when I shoot them straight in their faces with my honest "I could never imagine marrying someone I never had sex with", they realized I was of my own making and there is nothing they could do about it.

Anyway, this is a little bit of history on how I started developing my sexuality.

With time and experience, I learned that sex was one of the most important things for me when it came to relationships. Simply put, I would never be with someone I don't have a healthy and beautiful sex life with. Then I noticed that all my girl-friends would come talk to me about it, even my male friends. They would confide and talk about things they didn't feel comfortable about talking to others. I've become a sex guru in my circles :) The fact that I've always been the best sex partner for my boy-friends (so they told me:) made me realize that there is something more than my interest and passion. I realized it's my natural knowledge, my forte. I even consulted an expert on this, and he confirmed that I am more of a dying breed in our modern world "..You are a seductress of a very specific type not seen much in this jaded age of moral anxiety and sexual repression. Your kind was more often seen in the heyday of the ancient mystery Temples of Aphrodite, Astarte and Ishtar where priestesses served the sensual Divine..." his exact words.

The reason I am sharing all this with you is that I want you to know that I am not just some amateur but someone who has a natural and life proven knowledge about sex and sexuality in respect that other people don't. And since this subject is off limits in our society I've decided to take on a lead here. As I know for a fact many (if not all) people are dying to talk about it and would love it to be more addressed and accepted. Really it's just like your diet, physical regimen, life style, etc. But for some reason, has become frowned upon and eliminated from our daily lives.

So embrace yourself, as I'll embrace sexuality and discuss it on my blog in the most natural and free flowing way.

Orgasm Connoisseurs

Women have all different and many types of orgasm (read the blog I linked below).

Just one more reason to be happy to be a woman. and as always, multiple is the goal!!

Orgasm Connoisseurs – Experts Weigh In on Different Types of Orgasm