Doubt: friend or foe?

If you ask me what is a silent killer of any relationship or any dream, I'll tell you it's a doubt.
Naturally, I dislike the feeling, it's the hardest to shake off, it creeps up on you and, if not uprooted, will ultimately erode the foundation of any creation.
The truth is we all face doubt at some point, be it in a relationship, work or any other life area.

The question is how to deal with it?

I wish I had a perfect answer that would apply to all. I don't. Yet I am willing to make an effort and look for a solution. Sometimes just a search for it is already half of a solution.

First, I want to answer Can doubt be good at all? Could it help us see something that we don't want to see? Could it be an indicator of an issue we are trying to avoid?
If we are still not sure, can we turn to trust? Trust could be the best cure for doubt. But how do you know that the prescription of trust is the right one, and not just a temporary pain killer to subside the pain? And if it's the soul that is hurting (which most likely it is) will it swallow any "prescription" to just numb the pain?

Not a big fan of artificial sedatives in any situation, I want to find a natural cure for the soul.

Trust is good but it's still a forced feeling that depends on outside factors, it's fragile. I want to be cured from within. I want to be healed eternally.

What clearly comes to me is Love. I think my soul just whispered it to my heart. Love is natural, it's the core of our being, of life itself. When love is embraced, all pain is gone. Love soothes the soul from within as an internal, inborn light. Loving yourself first, embracing your fears and doubts, letting them phase in the light of love, letting the light shine through you, loving others. Letting the healing light of love wrap you holistically, and surround you protectively but open you lovingly. It's always within waiting to rescue. It's like an emergency care that never sleeps, that rushes when called. We just need to remember the number to call. The soul knows the number, it's dying to call it. We just need to remember. We just need to surrender. 

Quotes

Happy rainy Monday, my New Yorkers.

I was visited by my beloved quote muse this morning. Always a pleasant surprise. Here's what she whispered in my ear or should I say, to my soul:)

1) How can we believe we know someone, when it takes a lifetime to learn about ourselves.

2) First we need to understand ourselves to be able to understand the other.

3) It's accepting uncertainty and ever-changing nature that will help us go through life peacefully.

4) There is no such a thing as right or wrong. Everything is just an attempt to find ourselves.

5) Love starts with oneself, and the more we become the person we love the more possible it is to truly love another.

6) The biggest problem of all relationships is Ego. And that's what we need to tame first to have a happy one.

7) Ego is one of few things (if not the only) that make us richer when we lose it.

Love to all, and as always wishing you find love within first.

Lessons I learned in Hawaii, II

Nite lovers,

My trip to Hawaii was so amazing that one post about all lessons learned just wasn't enough... So here is part deux!

I've been back in NYC for about a week now, and even to my own surprise, haven't lost my vacay zen yet. Seriously! I haven't yet got mad at people who suddenly decide to stop on a busy Manhattan street, or those who move at a snail's pace and don't let you sprint at your normal new york speed, or the morning subway ride... Yes, I am very tolerant of "mere mortals" these days.

Based on what's been said, here is the 1st lesson:

1) Sometimes we just need to get away to find ourselves again.

What I realize every time I get out of NYC, is how misleading (if not deceiving) my "NYC persona" can be. Let me explain. Being a happy and trusting, and loving (blah, blah, blah) person at heart, I do tend to toughen up in New York. It's just the way you live/survive in the city. Yes, I can even be mean (believe me!) if I have to. Though let me assure you, never bitchy, not a drop!
But inside I am sweet, super sweet, and with all honesty, hate being mean. So once I am out of the "concrete jungle", and don't have a need for survival, I let my true self be. It's really magic, takes about 3 days out of the city, and I am the happiest, lovable person you'll ever meet.
Being in Hawaii, a place of lovers and friends, I was able to let my loving authentic self come out and shine! And God, how nice and easy it is.
Once again, I realized how important it is to get out of the city just to let your most authentic self be.

2) Don't be afraid to travel alone. Be open, be yourself, and let events unfold naturally.

The 2nd part of my trip to Maui was solo. Never having traveled alone before, I was a little anxious in the beginning. Felt lonely and vulnerable the first night, even cried like a little child on her first day of school. After a long phone conversation with my man I was able to calm down and set my mind on making the best of it. In a matter of 24 hours, I met 2 most amazing ladies from Seattle with whom I connected on so many levels, and had the most amazing time for the following 3 days. If I hadn't been alone and open to meet new people, I would have never met them.

Traveling by yourself is exciting. That's when your true inner self feels free and safe to come out. On top of that, you learn more about yourself than in any other situation, you experience yourself on a whole new level. There is nothing like it, believe me.
I was happy to learn that my true inner self attracts people that inspire me. In this case, strong loving women, who are true to themselves and lead fulfilling lives. Terri and Jen (the ladies I met) run marathons (yes, 26 miles and all), triathlons, travel around the world, have successful careers, have great friends, eat healthy diets, inspire others, and so much more.

I would advise anyone to experience traveling alone.

3) Being away will give you a clear perspective on where you're standing in your life.

The goal of this trip was to get away from it all and find inspiration. I started feeling unfulfilled and wanted to find some new directions on what to do. As if something was missing, and keeping me away from fulfilling my destiny.

Being away, I realized what a good place I am in my life right now. Even if it's not the most creative and fulfilling life just yet, I am on my way! But right now, I am blessed to have a loving circle of people in my life, parents, lover, friends, Josephine, colleagues. I am blessed to be independent and free to make my own choices. And blessings go on and on.
So in the end, I was relieved to realize it's all good, life is good. Coming back to NYC was easy this time. I was happy and excited to come back to someone I deeply love.

As you see, it was one amazing trip for me. The trip that keeps on giving, and will stay with me for the rest of my life.
I would encourage all of you to travel with an open mind and heart.

Aloha to all.

Keep Paddling

Aloha!

As some of you know I'm in Hawaii right now. That's right, finally I am taking my well-deserved, extremely needed vacation. I've been here for about a week, and have been able to relax but also learn many different lessons that I know will carry me through life going forward.

Today, I want to share some of the lessons I learned from surfing. Sadly, I didn't have a chance to surf a lot (next time for sure!). Still, the experience was so amazing that only few in life could be compared.

Lessons from surfing:

1) Don't let fear stop you, keep paddling.

First, I was a little scared. I don't believe whoever says it's the easiest thing in the world. It is not. It takes courage and faith. Courage to get in the cool deep water with waves. Faith in nature and the Universe to be cooperative.
I had butterflies in my tummy, but I went in. Butterflies turned into a healthy adrenaline and I got excited.
Same thing with life. We let fear stop us from living full, enriching life. And what for? Fear stops us from having the most amazing experiences in life.
From now on, I'll do what I did with surfing: I'll go in the water despite any fear.

2) Catch a wave, take chances.

Catching a wave is the most challenging part, and not every one will come to fruition. But not catching it is not worth trying. Again, same thing in life, what is life if we don't take chances? Go for it, make your move!

3) You will fall. This is part of learning.

To surf is to learn how to fall. Let me add, how to Graciously fall. It's inevitable. But once you fall a few times, you look at it differently. You get comfortable falling. Then catching a wave is so much easier, for you know how to fall if you have to.
In life, so what if we fail or don't succeed on a first or 2nd, or 3rd try? We are just building resistance, we are learning. It gets easier, as we get experienced.

4) Even if you fall, the board is there to get you up again.

As long as you're attached to the board, it's right there for you to climb on.
In life, no matter how lost or desperate we might feel at some moments, there is always something that gives us support, that gives us strength. Always. Even if it's just faith. But we are never left alone.

5) You will succeed if you stand strong and find your balance.

Once you're riding a wave, you need to get up and find your balance.
Couldn't be any more relevant to life. To have a fulfilling life we need to stand strong, we need to have balance.

And last but most fun:) Surfing is the closest thing to an orgasm. 'Nuff said!

Aloha to all!

Meditation

Cheers All,

So, one of my New Year's resolutions was to start meditating again. I used to do it regularly a few years ago, but then somehow fell off the wagon. All I remember that meditation did good for me. I was more connected with myself, and more at peace with anything that happened. But life happened and I got carried away.

Anyway, today was the first time I meditated since then. The result? Already during my meditation, I made a promise to myself: whatever is happening in my life, no matter how busy I get, I'll do it daily. It's that good. Somehow once you sit down, close your eyes, and tune in inside, you find utter peace, utter bliss. It's like a whole new world right there inside you, filled with peace and love. It's all accepting and loving. You feel happy. I do :)

Another great experience happened today that I wanted to share with you. I was sitting with my back to the window, the sun washing over me. As I was basking there, I started rotating my head in circles, and the most exciting revelation happened. As I was moving my head first 90 degrees, even with my eyes closed I would feel that it was dark (turned away from the sun), and then when I would move the other 90 degrees (towards the sun), I would see the light. Just with one head circle (180 degrees) I would see the dark and the light, and that would complete the cycle, only to repeat again.
What was assuring that after the dark there would be the light, and what was certain that after the light there would be the dark again, and so on and so on. So as I was moving thru this experience with the light, I realized that it's exactly how our life goes: light then dark, dark then light. Life is but a cycle of light and dark. It's a contrast. If there was never light, we'd never know what the dark is and hence wouldn't be able to define the light? And vice versa. I know it's confusing. Simply said, if one didn't exist we wouldn't know about the existence of either as there would be no contrast to perceive it.

So where does it leave us? We should embrace the light and the dark, and be grateful for both as that's how we experience life. As well as have faith that after the dark there will be the light again. And not get carried away with the light, for there will come the dark :) I know it's not the most cheerful and easy concept to accept. But once you do, you find balance during any experience that is happening in your life, and that brings eternal peace.

Namaste to all and enjoy your day off if you're in the US!

Today's Inspiration

Those who know me well, are aware how much I dislike the winter and cold weather. It takes a lot of effort to find beauty and inspiration during those short-day freezing months. I am always on a verge of packing my bags and moving some place South. Sorry NY, no offense, but you're unbearable during the winter.
However today, I was completely blown away by the video my friend sent me. It takes place in Montreal, CA with the most fascinating and talented snowboarder Seb Toots (Sebastien Toutant) taking down the snowy mountain right there in the city. Simply unbelievable. Speaking of inspiration... see for yourself.

http://vimeo.com/56490557

Daily Inspiration

Hi All,

Last night I was feeling a little blue, restless if you will. You know those days, when you're not easily excited, and the world seems a little darker than usual? And you start questioning the reason and purpose of our mere existence?
And it's not necessarily that there is something wrong or right with us. It's really just a state of a busy mind, of a curious mind looking for answers.
For me it's my usual eternal void. My constant search for source and meaning of it all, unsatisfied pursuit of our life purpose. Why are we here? What is it that we have (or not) to do? And how do we measure? And how do we know what's real and what's not? Will we ever find the answers? Will we ever know the truth?

Yes, some heavy thinking for Sunday :) But hey, it's important to think. It's good to ask. Even if we never find the answers. Even when we feel like we're getting close only to realize later that we'd never been further...

But certain things in this world bring me back (at least for awhile), and make me smile and, most importantly, make me believe again. Believe that love is all that matters, and if we just let it be, we'll see beauty everywhere.

Last night it was this video that brought me back and gave me hope: http://youtu.be/BGODurRfVv4

Enjoy, and think for yourself, look for your own answers.

Speed of life

Cheers all!

Well first, let me tell you, it's been some serious transitional period in my life. Not only have I been MIA with my blog(s), I've been withdrawing from many other things/activities I used to do. Basically, I've been doing thorough inventory of my day-to-day life, surroundings, activities, and people in my life.
It's important to do as we grow, and it's absolutely necessary to do IF we want to keep growing in a positive way. Something I've neglected for awhile.

The result: I've got my focus back, and I mean it. It's when I am focused on bigger things I need to do, and everything else that hinders my progress has to go. Let distractions go, let drama go, let people who create problems/drama go.
Harsh? Yes it is. But necessary if one wants to be successful in her journey. There is some wisdom to why the most glorious beautiful bird Eagle travels alone. Just think about it. In order to keep inner peace, sharp focus on your dreams, and stay on track with your visions, you need to go solo most of the time, and definitely stay away from outside distractions. Plus be extremely careful who should be let in.

Another way to put it, it's being IN the world but not OF the world. I'll talk about that one in a greater detail another time.

Anyway, as usual, whenever I retract from unnecessary outside noise (as much as it's possible in NYC) I am always blessed with wise and meaningful discoveries. And here is one I would like to share with you tonight.

During my yoga class last Monday, I realized how short and fleeting our lives on Earth are. Really think about it, if you compare each person's life to the life of the Universe, it's like a second, maybe less. It's as if we had only one day to live! That's what it is just one day of our lives compared to the lifetime of the Universe and everything that has and will exist. I know it's mind blowing if you really go deep into this. But just realize that it's really that short and all we have is 1 day to live, and then we go back to infinity.

How would you live that one day then? What would you want to do in those 24 hours? How would you feel and act? Who would you want to be with? What people would you like to have in your life?
I am pretty sure, if considered seriously, everyone's answers would be about love, joy, happiness, peace, fun, adventure. No one would care about dramas, problems, negativity... for it wouldn't be worth it. We would know that it is going to end pretty soon, and all we can do is enjoy it as much as we can, use any little opportunity that comes our way.

The most amazing thing about all this is that it really is the case. But for some reason, we humans, think that we have eternity to live, and there is a long road ahead. It amazes me how people say "There is always another day". Well the truth is there isn't. Today is the only day, and tomorrow might never happen.

We need to see it and understand it. Only then does every day become a true blessing, an opportunity to follow your dreams, to find happiness in everything that happens, to focus on what's important.
Please think about it, life is a chance to experience yourself to the fullest. Why not start today.

My love to You:) and sorry for MIA. it's a necessary process :)

The High Road

-- To be a man is, precisely, to be responsible. -Antoine de Saint-Exupery

-- The price of greatness is responsibility. - Winston Churchill

Quick note: this is an inspirational post. Not a desert serving, but a direct message on how to live life authentically.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about people and what trait I absolutely require from myself and those who want to be present in my life. It's responsibility. Simple? Not really, and, for some reason, underestimated in our world. 

Now, responsibility has a broad meaning but no matter how you look at it, it always entails strength, acceptance, courage and character. The highest level of the trait, for me, is when one takes responsibility for his/her own life. Yes, it's easy-breezy when everything is going well and to our liking. But the highest and most freeing way is to take responsibility for Everything that happens, be it good or bad.

It's that knowledge and acceptance that we attract everything that happens to us, either consciously or subconsciously. Not being able to accept this truth is the weakest way to live life. It's always one's choice which way to go: take the higher road and have power over your life, or take the lower one and never have freedom. I always choose the former, and encourage those around me to do the same. Some don't like it, and disappear from my life. Some embrace it, and join me. And some are already living it with me.

I inspire you to be free. Take charge, take responsibility.

Optimistic Realist or A Woman Who Runs with the Wolves

Yesterday, during my lunch break, I decided to actually take a break (one of those rare days without deadlines), and go to the Madison Square Park to do some reading. I am currently reading "Women Who Run with the Wolves", and strongly recommend everyone to read it. As I was sitting and reading and thinking over what I'd just read, a stranger sat next to me, and in the most natural way asked me "How is the run with the wolves going?"
My almost instant New York reaction was to shoot him a I-don't-talk-to-strangers look but my righteous self took over and I replied "It's women that are wolves..." And so we embarked on an intellectual and honest conversation we often have with an accidental stranger who shares similar points of view.

As it turned out, David is a writer/musician who just came from a year-long trip to France where he was writing his first fiction book. Just to support that it indeed was an intellectual and insightful conversation we had. Since the book that initiated our conversation is about female power, our discussion mainly revolved around women, men and power struggle. Luckily for me, David was a strong supporter of female power, and we agreed on many things. Most importantly, we agreed that the world would be a better place were women to hold more power than men. He even cited statistics that more women than men these days held high level degrees.

I was happy to hear this and eventually (almost inevitably) we moved to discussing relationships and love. Do I have to remind you the name of my blog? Though curious about many things, love and relationships are my favorite. Since we already discussed that women are smarter than men and would be better leaders, we followed the same logic in love and relationships. We definitely agreed that women are more likely to give themselves away in a relationship and thus suffer the most. They are more likely to abandon their own desires and dreams for their partners', and thus sacrifice their own development in the name of love. Etc..

However, our views diverged on monogamy. Not only had David disagreed with my view that "Men are Not monogamous by nature", but he was sincerely shocked that I was so set in my opinion on this.
He tried to ask me the same question in different ways to (I assume) get a different answer. "You don't believe there are men that are faithful?" "You don't believe that Love could last forever and ever?" "You don't believe that some men are more giving and loving than some women?" and so on and so on. My answer remained the same: "No, not by nature."

In the end, he said something that got me thinking about myself and my views. He said: "It's very pessimistic of you, Sasha, considering that you're writing a blog about love and yourself looking for true love".
No one had ever found me pessimistic before, in fact I had been consistently accused of being an unwavering optimist. So imagine my surprise. I even felt flattered to have finally been labeled pessimistic.

And then again, I thought about it and realized, No, I am not a pessimist, have never been and probably will never be. I simply found my Realistic Self. So Yes, Men are Not monogamous by nature. That's the truth and I accept it, not condemn it or complain about it. Men are not meant for "One and Only", and I acknowledge it. Doesn't mean I wish they were, but you can never go against the nature. Best accept it and use it to your benefit.

Being realistic about men might not be as romantic and hopeful as my Optimistic Self would believe but it certainly is wiser. And for many reasons. It will have me prepared and grounded if I am ever faced with infidelity in my life. It won't let me set unrealistic expectations of my partner and be crashed if they are not met. It won't let me stop working on my own growth and abandon myself for the partner that might walk out one day, and I would be left with nothing. It won't let me sacrifice my own desires and dreams and solely rely on him to make me happy. And most importantly it will never let me make him more important than my relationship with God. And that's how I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always be able to stand strong and with grace. 

I might still make mistakes and fall victim to my optimistic beliefs but my newly found Realistic Self is the one who runs with the wolves, and I can always rely on her to pick me up and set me free again.

Me, Excited, Inspired

Cheers everyone,

I am at work right now but felt compelled to write a few lines to share a couple things that are keeping me excited today (despite it being Monday and back to cold weather).

First, last Saturday while out with my girl-friends at Mari Vanna, we were blessed with the presence of one new yorker we, new york women, simply cannot resist. Mr.Big himself. Of course you know Mr. Big from  Sex and the City? We (all my girl-friends and I) loooooove him. So imagine our excitement, especially when he waved at our table. Did he look as hot as in the movie? Abso-fucking-lutely :) I think I was hot from head to toes, and literally had to drag myself outside to get some cool air. I am not kidding. My hormones were flying super high since Friday, the night before...

Second, I wanted to share my new love for the LA based band "Moderne Man". 2 Brothers, 9 under 3-minute songs, 1 big surprise. They rock, and they are officially my Spring 2012 music. Check them out, they are on iTunes and Spotify (pic below). here is their official website: http://www.moderneman.com/. They sound and feel light, breezy, exciting... They are refreshing.

Hope you all find excitement and inspiration on this lovely Monday. No better way to start a new week.

Love your Diet

Today, I had an appointment with a nutritionist at my gym. Not that I needed it, it was complements of my gym and I decided to go for it just out of curiosity.
So basically, while we talked she was blown away with what I was telling her. It turned into a session of her asking me questions and making notes for herself. What can I say, I shared the secrets of my diet in the most passionate and inspiring way. Seeing how it got her so excited, I had to share it with you, my favorite people :)

First of all, I am size 2, athletic type, with weight fluctuation no more than +- 3pounds. What can I say, I still wear jeans from 7 years ago.
And my diet is: I eat whatever I want, whenever I want it. The only thing I don't eat is meat, for the same simple reason, I don't wear fir coats. I don't want to have animals killed. Anything else I eat and never look at calories. I eat chocolate every day. But I also eat a lot of fruits and vegetables. I eat cheese and bread. I eat macaroons (French cream filled cookies), and I always put honey in my yogurt even if it has fruit in it. Basically, I listen to my body and give it whatever it wants and wherever it wants it. And if I don't feel like eating I don't even if it's a 5 star restaurant.

Years ago I read a great book on power of mind. I don't remember the title or the author but his idea was that what we focus on is what we bring into our lives. Hardly a new concept. But he used a diet as an example. He explained the reason why diets don't work. Because any diet makes one focus on food all the time. People think about it, they obsess about it, they fear it, they fight it. The result is poor diet choices and suffering which in the end results in more gained weight. He said if we took our minds off food and focused on something else, and only eat what our body tells us and whenever it requests it, we would never have to battle excess weight. Simply put, what you resist, persists. I was exhilarated to read it, as this is exactly how I do it.

I never worry about calories and if I want chocolate and ice cream, I go for the richest of all. I want to enjoy it. What would be the purpose of eating it if I don't enjoy it. The same reason, Europeans have no weight issue. They enjoy their foods, they never diet. Majority at least. I know I am from there and spend a lot of time there.

Of course, I am very active and work out almost every day. But still my diet is an envy of everyone in the office, since they see me eating whatever/whenever and not just sticking to 3 meals a day as most of them do. By the way, those who are more like me don't have weight issue. It's usually people who stress about food, count calories and talk about it all the time, that have weight problem.

I am not trying to make you follow my diet but if you are worried about your weight you might want to consider it as an option. Take your mind off food, focus on other fun things. And eat what your body is asking for, but be mindful, listen to it, don't ignore it. It knows what's best for you and will take care of you if you just listen.

Bon apetit.

Bedtime ritual

If you like me, find it absolutely necessary to bring sensuality into your life on a daily basis then this post is for you.

Whether in a relationship or single, it's equally important to incorporate sensuality into your life. Especially when you're single, as we tend to completely avoid it at the time. Creating sensuality around yourself will in an instant make you feel frisky and excited. And then you notice how amazing it feels, and how much love is inside you.

I'll share one of the rituals I do every night when I am single (which I currently am:)
First of all, I always go to bed fresh and clean. Shower before bed is a must for me. Water is therapeutic and is the easiest (though overlooked) way to rinse off the day's energy, and rid your body of any negative vibes you might have picked up during the day. So take a shower consciously, feeling how all the negativity is washing away, the day is over and nothing matters but how you prepare yourself for the next day. Thank water for its wonders.

Always sleep in clean fresh sheets. I prefer white over all colors and they have to be soft and feel nice to my body. Your bed should be your sanctuary where your body, mind and soul rest and recharge for the day to come. Keep lights low, light up a candle right next to you and spend a few minutes staring at it. It's called candle meditation and should help you unwind your mind. Put on some sensual music. If you like to have a glass of wine, make it a small one, or really best to avoid any alcohol. I usually read something, or write my blog, or............

You can do something you enjoy very much, it's up to you:)

Basically, it's about creating sensuality around yourself and falling asleep with it. If done right, you're guaranteed sweet dreams and an easy awakening in the morning, which is the best way to start a day.

Sweet dreams:)

http://youtu.be/Ife1lkIiZJg

Ship has sailed

Having been doing yoga for almost a month, I've started seeing the magical benefits of it. Not only has my body become more alive and vibrant, my mind has started responding as well. Good ideas seem to be flowing easily and effortlessly.
Today during my practice I had the most genius vision yet.

The vision I had will be extremely beneficial to those who still think about their past relationships, partners who entered your heart but didn't exit even though no longer present in your life. For those who seem to be reminiscing about old flames and not being able to move on. We all have to believe in abundance of the Universe and it's eternal commitment to give us anything we desire as long as we are ready for it. You can't let in a new relationship if your heart is not free and ready to welcome a new love. No matter how beautiful and meaningful a relationship might have been it's in the past. And past is just a memory but if constantly reminded it takes control of the present and steals away from the future. I do believe that we need to release and believe that better and greater things will come along. Life is a journey and a short one. We need to be present to enjoy it to the fullest.

So here is my vision that you could all apply in order to release any past relationships and be ready to welcome a new partner into your life.

I imagined a beautiful island with palm trees, blue water and white sandy beach. There was a ship by the shore, white ship that was getting ready for a long journey. Then I saw all of the partners I let into my heart, the men who I would still think of and maybe deep down regret that it didn't work out. Maybe even think that there was still a chance with one of them, and especially the ones I didn't have closure with. They all boarded the ship and I knew that they were sailing far far away for good. That I would never see them again. I waived good bye, I even had tears in my eyes, I wished them all good luck and be happy wherever their journey takes them. I did it sincerely. Then as the sun was coming down over the ocean the ship went on its journey and out of my life, out of my heart.

I felt a tremendous sense of relief and so light that I could almost fly. I was happy. As I turned back I saw a beautiful resort with lots of lights, and people smiling at me. They drew to me and put pink flowers in my hair, they put on a red dress on me and lead me to the fire set up in the middle. Beautiful music was playing and we celebrated my liberation. I knew with the ending I started a new beginning...

That was a detailed scenario I experienced but you can vary it to your taste. The most important thing is to truly experience it, see it as clearly as watching a movie. I know it could be hard for many, so that's where yoga and meditation step in. At first you might feel lonely as you've got used to thinking of someone and having comfort in resorting to that person in hopes for love. But this imaginary comfort is exactly what's keeping you from letting in new love and perhaps the most important love of your life. Also it's important to let go off any hurt and resentment. It's important to forgive all including yourself. No one deliberately wants to hurt anyone. Any relationship is a lesson for both and is a blessing for our soul's growth.
I wish you all good luck in your ending for I believe there is a beautiful beginning awaits each one of us. Namaste.

Me, true self

Nite all,

It's late and I just wanted to share something very dear to my heart. I have two friends (they are a couple) with whom I feel the most myself. It's like me in my bed, completely open and exposed.. And only two of them share that special space where I am the most myself. I love them, we share our feelings and thoughts. We say anything we want to say and know we are understood, cause we are on the same wavelength. We do silly things, we say intimate things, we laugh and we have fun. It's us being as open as we can ever be.
I hope you all have someone like that in your life, cause when you're being your most true self with someone else you feel belonged. And that is what we all human beings constantly search for: to belong.

Sweet dreams.
Love & Peace.

2012

To all my readers and to the world in general:

Wishing 2012 be the best year you can remember. I am not going to say let ALL your wishes come true (as most of us don't believe in such luck).
What I wish is that your most desirable wish will come true in 2012; be it Finding True Love, Opening up a business, Advancing in your career, Getting pregnant, Getting married, Going to Brazil (your destination), Making love to Ryan Gosling (as long as your wish of getting married didn't come first:), Writing a book, Making a fortune and spending it on Travel, Family Reunion, 1 month vacation, Sleeping 8 hours a day, or Simply being happier.
Seriously, I want you to pick just One of your most desirable wishes and really believe that it will come true. I promise that as long as you truly believe it's possible it will happen. And if you post it on my blog, I'll make sure to talk to God about it, and we'll see what we can do ;)
Joke aside, I believe that anything is possible; that is realistically possible, something you know you can do but have very little faith, self doubt yourself or are simply afraid. Those are false and limiting mind sets that are keeping you away from achieving your dreams.
So please pick one wish, and know that no matter what happens to the rest of them this ONE will definitely come to reality.

As for me, tonight I am flying to Mother Russia to spend the most important day for me (NYE) with my parents, my mom and dad. This has been my dream for the last 10 years and is finally coming true!

I will reconnect with you all in 2012. Blessings your way and lots of love.

Most Important Love

"Figuring out who you are is the whole point of the human experience" -- Anna Quindlen.

This post is an addition to the previous one where I stressed on importance of making friends with yourself. Very often we are our own worst critic, we beat ourselves up, criticize, and even hate sometimes. I know I'd felt/done those hurtful actions to myself. That is before I figured out that I am really the only one who will always be there for me, seriously Till death do us part. You can't argue with that :)

If you think about it, you are with yourself 24/7, and after all this time together we still manage to be anything other than loving to ourselves. Maybe because we get too much of ourselves and need a break? Then get out of your head, meditate, whatever makes you shift your focus.

But the most important thing is to find passion for yourself, to learn what makes you tick, to look for things that please you. I am constantly discovering new things about myself and am very excited when it's something completely out of the blue. Like 2 years ago I had no idea that I would love running so much. That I'd feel a great sense of freedom when horse back riding. That I would write a blog and love it. and so on and so on.

Look for new things, have fun doing it. If you develop this love and appreciation from within, the Universe will match it. You'll have more people who appreciate you, you'll see better treatment wherever you go. Your life will change. For it has to, once you love yourself you won't accept anything other than respect and appreciation.

Sometimes I would tell some of my friends who struggled finding the love for themselves. Imagine that you have a daughter (or son, it's easier to imagine a daughter as we tend to be more protective of girls) and how you would love her and never let anything bad happen to her. No bad people, no bad jobs, no bad boy-friends. And then apply that same approach to yourself. Really if you think about it, that little girl is the part of you and needs your TLC :)

So please find ways to love yourself. Start a journey of learning about yourself, and expect that it will be a lifetime journey. Lastly, the more you know yourself the less you'll wonder why your life isn't treating you right.

I am wishing you all realize that you are the only one who will always be there for you. Just that fact alone deserves unconditional love and appreciation on your part.

Time alone - precious time

I have a little end-of-the-day ritual which I try do at least once a week, all by myself. On that day, I have no plans after work, I usually go to the Central Park, or gym, basically do something that relaxes me. Whatever it is, it has to be time alone.  Then I go home and unwind my way..
I was able to do it tonight and felt compelled to share it with you. It is so important to value the time spent alone, and make the most of it. To live life fully, you need to make best friends with yourself, and the time spent alone will never feel lonely. You're happy, you're with your best friend..
So tonight, after a run at the gym, I got home at a reasonable hour and had those 2 hours that I need to unwind. I put on my sexy slip, have a glass of Pinot Noir in bed while being online listening to Jazz. I love old school jazz, a la Glenn Miller Orchestra, or vocals such as Ella Fitzgerald and Frank Sinatra. I always had affection for old school things, probably has to do with mine being an old soul :) or simply a love for romance.. whatever..
This time alone makes me feel whole and complete, I feel connected. I want to share this with you as I truly believe that you get most connected when by yourself. And the most magical things happen when you're connected. You are happy no matter what the circumstances are. You are simply happy to be you.

If you know what I mean and practice it, good for you. If you don't, I would advise you go on an exciting journey of discovering who you are. Falling in love with yourself. Making best friends with yourself. In the end, only when you love your own company will others appreciate it too.

Love and blessings!!

Midnight in Paris

I am absolutely in love with Woody Allen's latest movie "Midnight in Paris". It's playing in selective theaters since last month, and I've seen it three times already. I almost went to see it again tonight.. It's that good. (check the link below)

It speaks to me on many levels. I loved the juxtaposition of two cultures: american and european, as materialistic versus idealistic, practical versus romantic. The main character Gil, who is by the way an American, is lost in between worlds. As such he resorts to nostalgia in a complete belief that he was born about 80-90 years too late. The script takes him on night adventures in Paris back to 1920s, where he meets such greats as Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dali, etc. Every night, he runs away from his reality that includes a materialistic and spoiled to obnoxiousness american fiance, her obsession with a pedantic know-it-all American male friend (with whom she eventually cheats on Gil) and her anti-french (or probably Europe or anything other than US) parents.

He is not supported in his search for something greater in this life than a house in Malibu and $20K beach chairs. He is looking for his true calling, his home. And he finds it once he stops blindly following the americans around him and finds his truth.

What I love the most, is that once he faces his reality and accepts the fact that it's not what he wants everything falls into a place. He leaves his fiance, and finds his true love right there in Paris, the most romantic place on Earth, the place that speaks home to him.

I also love that no matter how lost and out of place he is with his american entourage in Paris, once he finds himself and accepts his truth, life brings him to the exact right place and time.

It makes me hopeful. I feel that no matter how hard and fearful it might seem in the beginning to face the things that don't speak to your heart, once you do you'll find your true and ultimate reality. For if it doesn't feel right it's not your reality anyway. It's probably someone else's. So break away, don't be afraid to face it. Look it right in the eye and accept that it's not you. Once you do, you'll hear your true voice and you'll see your true self. You'll follow your heart then, and that is a sure way to eternal happiness.

The link: http://www.sonyclassics.com/midnightinparis/

Mean Reds

For those who don't know what Mean Reds are, they are anxieties associated with an unidentified and sudden fear. The phrase comes from one of my favourite movies "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Holly Golightly experienced Mean Reds when she was afraid but didn't know what she was afraid of. I know exactly what she felt..

Sometimes you just wake up in the middle of the night, and feel scared and can't really explain why. Maybe we're afraid that life is slipping away and we still have so much we want to do. Maybe we are fearful for tomorrow or the future in general. Whatever it is, I think we all have those moments once in awhile.

I wanted to share with you some of the ways to beat those horrible Mean Reds. I am an optimist and generally a happy person; therefore I hate to have Mean Reds. Basically, I don't let them in, but if it's too late and they are already here, I stay strong and face them with all my trusted methods. Here they are:

1) Comfort zone

Find a place that makes you feel safe, like home. For Holly, it was Tiffany jewelry store. As she explained, it feels that nothing bad could happen to you when you're there. For me, it's a book store. As soon as I walk in, I get a sense of comfort and easiness. I can spend hours just sitting there going over a dozen of books. It calms me so much that I don't even think of Mean Reds while there.

One sad fact: 2 of my favourite book stores (Borders on Park Ave & 57th and Barnes&Noble on 66th & Broadway) were closed this year. I loved those 2 places and want to send my big gratitude to them as they'd been my comfort zone for years.

2) Music

Listen to the music that makes you happy. Music is really a magic, it can influence our emotional state, it stirs our feelings like nothing else. I also want to thank all the talented people that created and continue to create such beauty. Get outside, put your earphones in, turn on iPod, iPhone, etc and just walk. The results are immediate. Another thing is go to a concert, music performance, or a local band gig. The passion of performers, the chemistry of people around will shake you up and make you feel excited.

3) Nature

Go to the beach if possible. It's the most beautiful and tranquil place on earth. If not possible, go to the park, botanical garden, any place that has a lot of greenery. Go horseback riding.

4) Friends

Meet up with your friends, but those who lift you up. Anything you do, make sure to concentrate on their company and be present. I usually like to meet with my male friends. Guys don't sweat the stuff we girls do. I found that girlfriends like to talk about issues, and just mull over them till exhaustion. It's a general observation..

5) Do what makes you happy.

I run, write, read, dance, etc. Or don't do anything and let yourself just be. I love to repeat to myself "Everything works out in the end". And last weekend, my friend told me that the Brazilians like to say this phrase plus "If it doesn't work out, it's not over yet!" I love it!!

These are quick fixes and help with temporary Mean Reds. However, if you find yourself having those moments too frequently, it means there is something in your life that is not working and needs to be addressed. Then just face the issue and see what you can do to change it. I'll write on that in a separate post.

I hope you'll find this post helpful, and feel free to share your ways to keep those mean reds at bay.

Blessings to all, love and peace!