Baby I'm for Real

I just have to warn you, this will be a corny post, even dorky.. Well I’ll have to risk my reputation on this one..

Have you heard a song “Baby I’m for real” by Michael McDonald? I know, I know.. But I love what it says. Don’t you just want to hear those words from a man you are with? A man you loved? A man you love? I’d say at least from a man you love and who proclaims to love you too. And it’s not just that you hear those words, you believe them too.

I heard many love confessions, something along the lines "I feel that God created you just for me (selfish..), You're the best, and only with me can you experience such love (selfish more..), Did your parents know you're so hot (Common!!) I'll stop before it's too late.. I still care about my reputation :)

So I heard it all from the men I loved and the ones I didn't. But I never heard what I really wanted (and still do) to hear. Baby I am for real!!

In this cynical world, especially NY, this is what we, women, really want to hear. And not just hear, but know that it is indeed real.

I know ladies will agree with me, and maybe some men (the ones who are still looking for an answer to a lifetime question What Women Want?) will do too. If you're not for real say so. No one will chase you, I promise. But if you are, don't be afraid to voice it as there is a chance this is exactly what your woman wants. 

My early work I

As promised, I wanted to share some of my early writing. I've been writing all my life but most of it has been simply sent to the Universe. Not that I ever thought to save it, just was channeling my unfulfilled creative desires. That's why I was so happy to have recently found a memory stick from 4 years ago that had a part of my journal. Bear in mind I was 25 back then and going thru some serious personal and professional transformations. I believe it was (how they say it) the best and the worst of times. 
The piece below was written during my former company's training. For quiet some time I was angry with my parents for not being there for me. If you recall from my first posts, I came to the US as an international exchange student at 19 and never went back.. Parents had no physical presence really, at times I even felt that I was all on my own. I don't feel that way now, but again I am more mature now and see things differently. However back then I was blaming some of the hardship on them. Mom and Dad, I love you and am sorry for ever feeling that way. You're the best parents and always took care of me. It was my choice to leave and stay here and for that I take full responsibility.


     "She woke up early this morning. Again. It has been already three days in Orlando, and three nights in a hotel bed, yet      she still couldn’t find that comfort and easiness to make it thru the night for at least 5 straight hours. Well there is always another day, another night to try again. Considering all the facts, she was feeling well, not tired at all, just a little uneasy about having the signs of sleeplessness around her green eyes.

Last night, again it was a strange dream that could mean many things to an imaginative mind. But she knew well enough that it was that feeling of a suppressed anger with her parents for not being around and not giving a hand when it was needed. She has been on her own since 19; taking care of herself financially, emotionally, and any other way a person would do when been thrown out in deep waters of an adult life; no way back, no guidance, no life saver or even a luxury of a thought that one would be provided when waters became too wild and dangerous.

Then it would not come as a surprise that hope was something of a remote and fictional character to her. It had no substance, for in order to have such it would need to have another human involved, someone to depend on. If there was any resemblance of a hope in her restless mind, it would be a fleeting thought that she could never fail herself. Yet the thought was always fleeting, for hope would simply imply that she didn’t have total control of her life, and that would mean that there was a chance of being drowned. Life is too dangerous to entertain such a thought. So the only way the unfulfilled hope could channel itself would be those rare dreams of anger with her parents.

Therefore, it was the biggest surprise, to her mostly, when she would find a child in her, some spark of innocence and naiveté. It would be a nice & cozy, though an imaginary, feeling of having a cushion to fall on. At those moments, she believed in its existence for two reasons, one was that the feeling itself was a joy, the other is that she knew well enough that she would never fall and, therefore, no cushion would be needed. But it was nice to entertain that thought and let herself be silly and childish sometimes, even if it was just as unreal as her hope.''

Ideal Man?

Last time we were out, my girl-friends and I had a hot discussion about our ideal man. You know the one you admire (usually a celebrity) and the one you think of when creating your list..

My friends couldn't have had more different views. Some love the new guy from Thor (have no idea who he is), some love Richard Gere (Pretty Woman never goes out of style), some love Brad Pitt (never could understand it), some love Ed Norton (ok, I can see that maybe), and so on. Lots of them.

One of my girl-friends made the most hilarious speech that night when she said that up to this day, no one could compare to Robert Redford. I agree, we all agreed. He is just classic in my opinion. Never mind the age. Perfect manners, beautiful smile and hair, sexy yet manly. He makes you feel like a woman even if you're one across the screen. You want to be his woman and have a lifetime together, onscreen and off screen. Natasha got so into it (3 cocktails helped as always) that we were under the table with laughter. She said: Yes, he's the best. Yes, he is not that young anymore.. So what..When he dies, then I die.. That was just too much, I couldn't stop laughing. I want to thank her for such a passionate speech, I'll always laugh when thinking about it.

Anyway, as excited as I was to listen to my friends I couldn't come up even with one man who is my ideal. Of course, I had crushes on celebrities since 4 y.o. But I think since Tom Cruise didn't make a million in Cocktail, my life became way too real to have an ideal man image. I was even upset that I didn't have anyone in mind. Even when I play with myself, I don't have any man in mind. I'm just too focused on what makes me tick, if you know what I mean.. (sorry for the intimate details:)

True to myself, I couldn't give up on the subject and Voila, I found him.

It happened last week, when my friend and I were fantasizing about my blog coming to a big screen (I already mentioned my wild imagination). First, we started casting an actress to play my part. For some reason, Natalie (my friend) had only Latin girls in mind (Adriana Lima, Eva Mendez, etc). I thought they were too hot, I am more European. Really I wish I looked like them, maybe I just don't see myself that way.. Anyway, eventually I found an aspiring actress from Portugal that looked amazingly like me..



Naturally then I needed to find a man who would play my next (and last!) love. yes, I am only falling one more time again, I made a promise to myself. He didn't spring right to my mind but the next day I had no doubt who would play him. Nacho Figueras (pics), an Argentine Polo player. I don't know him but when I look at his pictures I feel I do. Something about him that not only makes me admit that he is the hottest man in the world, but maybe the greatest one too..

He rides horses, he loves them. He has a family and children, and he loves them. I don't know what to say. He is just the guy to play in my movie my third and last love, period.

Natalie approved and said that I told you I saw Latin in you.. You even picked the Latin guy. I don't care the origin. He is handsome, tanned, and has got beautiful hands and hair. I never really cared about the looks, and all men I dated hardly had any particular physical trend.. But with Nacho I just cannot resist.

Even if my movie is never made (Reality..) I still have my own life to live and create it on my own the best I can. And at least for now, it is comforting to know that I still managed to believe that    there are ideal men in the world, and maybe there is one for me.  

Dream life - What if..

As I was walking home from work today I got into some interesting thinking. I work across the Flatiron Bldg and walk all the way to Lincoln Center via 5th Avenue. It's a daily routine and usually uneventful. But today as I was passing all those designer stores on 5th (Pucci, Gucci, Schmucci..), I began thinking what would my life be if any means were available to me: time, money, flexibility, basically, things that would let me have the life of my dreams..

First, I thought that I would like to dress Burberry by day, and Agent Provocateur and Pucci by night. I would only stay at Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton. And I would have a yacht which I would regularly use for my get aways.

I am not a materialistic person but I have an eye for beauty, and then I realized I don't really need money for the things I want. Those are just things that could be exchanged for anything else. My mind went crazy for awhile trying to find some genius ideas for services I could provide to those places in exchange for the things I want in my perfect world.. I stopped on the idea where I would read and sign my books at Four Seasons to my loyal readers who would stay in the hotel because of me.. I know I can be very (no, extremely) imaginative :)

Of course it was just fun thinking but it did come to a conclusion. As my thoughts were progressing I realized that in the end my dream life would be by the beach. It could be in Brazil, Spain, Hawaii, Bali or anywhere else. I would play there, I would work there (writing of course!), I would make love there, all the things I love to do I could do on the beach, really. And I wouldn't even need a Pucci dress. Give me brazilian bikini, sunglasses and a scarf and I am the happiest. As there is no designer that could ever measure up to the beach, sun, sand and love..

Check out the video below I absolutely love. Hint: there are lots of brazilian bikinis:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqHubzaLZJc&NR=1

I'm back

Just a quick note for now: I am officially back. As I stated in my prior post, it was the time to escape for a while and re-balance myself. I am almost my best balanced self again, and am ready to get back to my NY love adventures, most importantly putting them in writing.

Another great thing happened is that I found an old memory stick with my earlier journal writing. It's dated about 4 years back when I was dealing with a loss of my first love and during the most dramatic personal development. I was excited to read it and was quiet amazed with how I felt back then. So I've decided to incorporate some of my old work into my current writing. My style has changed since then but my heart's and mind's desires remained the same. It will be exciting I promise.

Stay tuned for upcoming posts about my current life and essays with my earlier writing.