Changes

Dear all,

Most of you have noticed that my blog has been acting out (technically). The only reason I have is that it was visited by some kind of world web virus. I hope it's not the US government snooping on me :)

Anyway, unfortunately, I need to re-direct my blogging activity to another blog of mine.

Please follow me at my other blog New York Life: http://newyorklf.blogspot.com/

Thank you all, and meet you at my other home!

Babies R'nt Us

Cheers all,

So just as soon as I embarked on a journey to find my true path I was cornered by my mother and sister about having a child. They pushed me to the wall, pressed the gun to my uterus and demanded I have a baby right Now.

Apparently I am running out of time to join the most exclusive club of motherhood. With every minute celebrating my glorious 30s, I am wasting my life away (according to my mom and my sister).
       
Well that just pisses me off. Isn't it every woman's right to decide what she wants to do with her life? Why are we still marginalized by the society into making us believe that the only way a woman makes a difference in this world is by procreating. Why those of us who don't participate in increasing the already overcrowded planet are looked at with pity at best?

 Why are we still alienated by our own lot (women) for not joining them in what sometimes seems to be a very disappointing and stressful experience?

Just because some women find their purpose in having children doesn't mean others do.

What about those women who are more conscious about responsibilities motherhood entails. We understand that bringing a child to this world isn't just a bow to our feminine nature. We actually think about the world we would have to bring a new life into, and how it's not the ideal world for a new life. We think about how most food these days is processed, toxic or genetically engineered, and obesity among kids is growing. We think about the polluted air and water, and melting arctic ice. We think how the corporation is controlling our lives. We think of all the civil wars taking place in the world. We think how corrupted our government is. We don't trust our society anymore.
Then we stress about our jobs that only give 60 days of maternity leave, and there is no reliable and affordable day care available. We get anxious just thinking about leaving our child with some stranger at a day care, and run to work to be able to pay for it. Then we worry that having a child will put our career at risk, just because it does.
We realize that we don't have "the whole village" to raise a child, we only have ourselves, and if we are lucky  a reliable partner.

If anything we are more responsible and practical about motherhood, and are fully aware whether we are ready to bring a new life into this world or not.

I am not saying that having a child is completely out of the question for me and other women of my generations. But we are not driven by primal instincts, and when or if we decide to have a child it will be a deliberate decision based on weighted options and solid reasons, and the God's will of course.

Step I - Let it go

Cheers all,

Being somewhat an extremist, I tend to get carried away with things. And although being this way pays off when a course of action is obvious, what happens if it's not?

Since I started feeling unfulfilled working in the corporate world (about a year ago), I focused mostly on my dissatisfaction with the ways things were. Now, I made a big mistake by focusing on what I didn't want in my life, what was driving me crazy, and seeing what was wrong with the life I created. What do you think happens when we focus on the negative?
That's right, we get more and more negative. As a result we shut down all our creative impulses, and get even more disconnected with our soul.

When this happens, it's virtually impossible to connect to your inner wisdom, and hear that magical inner voice that knows it all! Well it definitely knows what's best for you.

I started feeling the weight on my shoulders (literally - as it lead me to getting chiropractic adjustments), and negative outlook on my life resulted in physical pain. I started having stomach problems and severe back pain.

I knew I went too far. I knew it wasn't the way I would find my authentic path, and live my passions. I knew I had to re-direct my focus again.

And I did. First thing was to stop beating myself up. You are here now, and there is a reason for that. Just being aware that there is something more than having a job is truly amazing. It's like that quietness before the storm, that's impregnated with wild creative forces that are getting ready to be unleashed. It's magical.

Second, I needed to focus on what is good in my life, which was plenty. I needed to remind myself how far I'd come. Acknowledging your own accomplishments is extremely important. Not only do we focus on positive, we empower our ability to make big changes. Once I looked back and truly reflected on everything I'd done so far, I realized how fearless and strong I was. That boosted my confidence level once again, and propelled me to set out a whole new set of goals.

And that's where I am right now. Still not sure what my next step will be but at peace with where I am, and that is all I need. I know there will come a moment when all stars will get aligned for me, and my inner ears will open, and my soul will speak clearly to me, and then I'll be guided to my right path. In the meantime, I'll do my best to stay at peace, and radiate my light no matter where I am.

Namaste

Mission II

Three years ago, as I was going through the second biggest love loss in my life thus far, I turned to writing. Shortly after, "New York Love" was born. Unbeknownst to myself, the following years became the most important to my personal and spiritual growth. I found what I was looking for all along. It was the power of love I already had inside me. I opened my heart and let love surround me from inside out. The results were amazing: I started attracting more positive and loving people into my life, the world was becoming friendlier by day, and most importantly, a loving relationship I was craving for finally entered my life.

I thought myself the luckiest gal in this whole NY galaxy.
However, after a year of basking in a loving bliss, I started feeling restless again. Now, I am not saying something was wrong. In fact, my life never was such a smooth sail before. However, I started looking beyond my own well-being. I started asking myself: What am I doing to make a difference in this world? What purpose do I have?

I truly believe when we are in a healthy relationship we are encouraged to look beyond ourselves, to expand our reach. So here I am, in a loving relationship with a partner who inspires me to look beyond myself, spread my love around, and find my true purpose.

First, it comes as a shock to those of us who've spent all their twenties building career in the corporate world, only to discover later that it was all wrong, completely off path. I do feel grateful for certain things that my career in the corporate world gave me: financial independence, wonderful people I met along the way, camaraderie, and security of a monthly check. However, increasingly I start feeling withdrawn from its culture, realizing that there is more to life than working for someone else, longing to make a real difference in this world.

I am sure in this age, a lot people start feeling disconnected from their jobs. We are the most evolved society, and longing for authenticity is not a surprise or a rare occurrence these days. Yes, initially I was shocked to discover that after all this years of working on my career, I was actually drifting further away from my true purpose. I wasn't living my passions, I wasn't living my own life. Yet, I was grateful for this awareness. I had a glimpse of what my life would be like if I never worked a day in my life because I LOVED what I did. I started craving for my true path.

So here I am, embarking on a new mission to find my true calling, and inviting you to join me. We all deserve to create our own lives, to find our own truth.

Summary
Mission: Find true calling, follow my bliss, make a difference;
Agent: Determined female in her early thirties, tired of working for someone else, ready to become her own boss;
Current situation: working in the corporate world; not being able to quit before another stable source of income materializes;
Resources: my own hunger for knowledge; inspirations from others, personal motivation;
Method: by exploring various passions and methods to find a personally, spiritually and financially rewarding career. Action-oriented but still connected to the wisdom within.
Test control: By documenting my endeavors on the blog, and drawing logical and relevant conclusions.
Start: start where I am and keep going.

Update

Cheers lovers,

Today, I've taken an inventory of my blogging activity, which quite frankly shocked me. I hardly wrote anything this year.

The slowdown was inevitable in some way, since I wasn't dating anymore. But the blog became a part of me in the last 3 years, it was my creative outlet, my spiritual outburst. Writing it and expressing myself helped me find myself and most importantly, accept myself completely. In the last year, I tried to convince myself that the mission was accomplished, and now I could move on to the next project. I would occupy myself with many other things, keeping myself busy. But in the end, I had to accept the truth - I get lost without writing, I get off track. It's as if I am shutting a very important part of myself down, the part that is responsible for my creations, the one that connects me with my soul.

So I am back.

I am back to New York Love, back to you, and to myself.

I am planning to set out a new mission for myself that will bring me back here over and over again.
I am planning a search for my true calling. For now that's all I am going to share, but tune in all my fellow New Yorkers, those who are searching, those who are curious, for we are on a mission to find our true path. To connect to our soul, to find our passions, to embark on our own life journey.

Namaste

What If...

We stop wasting time when we stop asking ourselves "What if" - Sasha D.

Cheers all,

Recently I found myself breaking one of the cardinal "happiness" rules: asking myself "What if"?
What if I didn't come to NY? What if I stayed closer to my family? What if I went to Journalism school like I wanted? What if I pursued "dream" career? What if, what if, what if....

I am deeply aware that dwelling on this question does not only make one unhappy, it also makes one unproductive, unfruitful if you will. Yet sometimes the force is too strong to handle. I am a thinker after all.

I've spent months searching my soul; although torturing my soul, would probably be a more suitable reference here. I was trying to look back and imagine what would have happened, would I have felt more fulfilled, would I have felt more purpose then? I was relentless, I even got upset that it was probably too late to change anything now... I was too hard on myself, without even realizing it. I wasn't my own best friend.

What happens as a result of this?
Besides, feeling dissatisfied with your life, and mounting stress, you start loosing vision of your current life, vision of your future goals. You become dis-attached from the flow of life, you stop listening to your soul. It's as if you gave your soul a time-out blaming it for personally not being in the place you think you should be. The soul doesn't take it well, it gets sad, it cries, it eventually goes into a dark place.
Just writing these words, makes me emotional for having been so disregarding and even awful to the most important essence of my whole being, to my soul.
But I finally was able to raise my eyes, to open my heart and notice what I was doing. Not a minute will be wasted on this useless questioning.
The truth is we'll never know what would have been if we had chosen one way over the other. It could have been better, or it could have been worse. We could have been more accomplished, or not. We could have been more happy, or not. This is the question we'll never be able to answer, just like the question of life. It's not meant to be answered, for it is the essence of life.

 I stop, I change my course, I beckon to my soul, I realize that I've done the best I could, I accept myself. and then beyond, I thank myself for being where I am, for being strong, for being present. I thank myself for being alive, and being the light. I let my "what if's" float away on a not returnable ship. I choose to live my life gracefully, even though I might never find the answer. I dare to look at the present, and perhaps the future. I let my soul tell me what IS.

And I end up asking myself "What is"? I am still a thinker...

Friday: Happy Day or a Wake-up Call?

Cheers All,

It's been awhile since I came here, and it's been too long since I wrote. I've been letting my NYL blog quietly retire. Pause. I know I just dropped a big word there, the one that dooms the near ending. But life is about endings and beginnings, and everything has its own cycle. I feel, I know that NYL is nearing its end...

Anyway, when something stirs in me, I have to release it, and I run back here.
Today, Friday in New York city (as in many other places I suspect), I've heard this phrase too many times to ignore it any longer. It seems that today, Friday, has become somewhat of a holiday based on all the "Happy Fridays" flying out almost everyone's mouth at work and around me. I admit "Happy Friday" is nothing new, but did I ever hear it so many times before?! It seemed more festive today than usual.

Anyway, it got me thinking. From time to time, my thoughts drift back to this "illusionary holiday", and it's had a considerate evolution over time. I must say it made sense when I was in school, as it seemed like I had no choice but to attend it. However, as soon as I left parents' house (around 19), and started supporting myself completely, I could never quite grasp the meaning of a "Happy Friday".
I don't exclude the fact, that working on Friday nights for a year while in college had to do something with it. But it's a mere moment of my life.
Ok, as any professional New Yorker, I had my 60 (sometimes 80) hour weeks. Now, however, Friday is officially my last day of work. The reason I am sharing all this information with you is because I want to show that I've been on both sides of the table. And still I've always been deeply disturbed by the "Happy Friday".

Why? Well doesn't it seem somewhat pathetic? It's as if we haven't lived for the first 5 days of the week, and only Saturday and Sunday hold salvation. Only during those 2 days can we finally enjoy our lives.
Too discriminating to Mon-Fri, and too much pressure on Sat-Sun, if you ask me.

But seriously, isn't it too much of our time that we are just getting through? 5 days out of 7 is 71% of our time. Why are we spending 71% of our time in such a way that all we have is to look forward to the remaining 29%? And it's all over again, week after week, and so on.

If it's true that we can't wait to get through the week, living from the weekend to the weekend, why not find ways to change it?
Is it our complacency that won't let us break this destructive cycle? "Happy Friday" people are not particularly miserable, but they are not happy either. It's as if they are serving time. Isn't life more than that? If you don't think you're living your life while at work, why not change it? Why not look for your path, pursue your passions? It could be as simple as building relationships with colleagues and finding meaning in any work. Work in itself could have a meaning.

I don't want to be hard on those who love their Fridays, I myself get caught up in this trap sometimes (though rarely), but I do want to make them think. Make them wonder. When I started noticing that Friday seemed more exciting to me than other days, it made me think, What can I change? How can I make every day count? How can I live my life Monday through Sunday, no day wasted?

Quotes

Just because I am a woman...

1) All women have an obsession, be it shoes, purses or jewelry. For me it's lingerie. What can I say, I am very private.

2) I learned not to trust most women. They change their minds, they are unpredictable. I am woman, I know.

3) The hardest relationships I had were with women. And let me add, I am not a lesbian.

Just because I am not a man...

4) A man could be a good friend to a woman as long as she is willing to believe that they are just friends.

5) Men will never understand women intuitively. And thank God!

6) In the end, it's still women who hold the cards in a relationship. Not because we have a better poker face, but because we ourselves don't know what those cards mean.

Just because I am a New Yorker...

7) New Yorkers are not rude. It's just that we are always short on time, and being rude/ignorant is more time-efficient.

8) We, New Yorkers, are not afraid of commitment. Living in the city is a relationship of its own which leaves us hardly any time to explore any other relationships.

9) It truly is a "Love-hate" relationship with New York. Fortunately, those are consistently balanced. Just when you think you can't take it anymore, something amazing happens, and vice versa. It's high and low on fast forward.

10) New York is bigger than life. Nothing and no one owns it. New York owns us. When you come here, it's not about you anymore, it's about New York.

Doubt: friend or foe?

If you ask me what is a silent killer of any relationship or any dream, I'll tell you it's a doubt.
Naturally, I dislike the feeling, it's the hardest to shake off, it creeps up on you and, if not uprooted, will ultimately erode the foundation of any creation.
The truth is we all face doubt at some point, be it in a relationship, work or any other life area.

The question is how to deal with it?

I wish I had a perfect answer that would apply to all. I don't. Yet I am willing to make an effort and look for a solution. Sometimes just a search for it is already half of a solution.

First, I want to answer Can doubt be good at all? Could it help us see something that we don't want to see? Could it be an indicator of an issue we are trying to avoid?
If we are still not sure, can we turn to trust? Trust could be the best cure for doubt. But how do you know that the prescription of trust is the right one, and not just a temporary pain killer to subside the pain? And if it's the soul that is hurting (which most likely it is) will it swallow any "prescription" to just numb the pain?

Not a big fan of artificial sedatives in any situation, I want to find a natural cure for the soul.

Trust is good but it's still a forced feeling that depends on outside factors, it's fragile. I want to be cured from within. I want to be healed eternally.

What clearly comes to me is Love. I think my soul just whispered it to my heart. Love is natural, it's the core of our being, of life itself. When love is embraced, all pain is gone. Love soothes the soul from within as an internal, inborn light. Loving yourself first, embracing your fears and doubts, letting them phase in the light of love, letting the light shine through you, loving others. Letting the healing light of love wrap you holistically, and surround you protectively but open you lovingly. It's always within waiting to rescue. It's like an emergency care that never sleeps, that rushes when called. We just need to remember the number to call. The soul knows the number, it's dying to call it. We just need to remember. We just need to surrender. 

Recycling - Green or desperate?

Cheers my sexy readers!

This week I've been going through all of the work-in-progress posts (the ones I started but never finished). Sometimes, we have a brilliant idea, we write it down, but then abandon it due to whatever reasons. I started feeling kind of bad for them (ideas), I imagined them being so excited to be born, almost like little sprouts, but then being halted and neglected. I know I can be very imaginative:)

So I've decided to give my darling "scapegoats" a well-deserved right to live.

This one is from a year ago. Happened during my workout at the Reebok Sports Club, when I accidentally (if there is such a thing) overheard another member talking to her trainer about relationships.

The conversation went something like this: "How did you get married? You fell madly in love with your husband?" (personal trainer asking the woman). Her response: "No! We just kinda got used to each other, and then it was time, so we got married. It'd better be married than see what my single girl-friends go through these days." Trainer: "What do you mean?" Woman: "they can't seem to meet a nice guy, so most of them go back to dating those they dated in the past but didn't want to settle for."

Hmmm (said both, the trainer and myself). I remember my reaction a year ago. Besides my natural curiosity for the subject, I felt sad. Isn't it like lowering your standards? It's as if a woman's image of herself suffered from not finding love, and she decided that all she could do is settle for the best available option. Really sad. and Pathetic. I am sorry, but I have to say it. Because having a strong sense of herself is woman's nature. She is a goddess who brings life to this Earth. Why do women forget about their Divine, and degrade themselves due to social misconceptions of being single. It seems that it's more acceptable to be married to a completely wrong person (and ruin life of 2 of them, plus to partners they could have made happy) than being alone.

I know it's not all black and white, and there are exceptions to all situations. But in this particular case, it seemed more like a desperate need to be with someone rather than be alone.

Why are we so terrified of being alone? Why don't we love ourselves enough to feel compete? Lastly how can we believe that we can find someone to make us happy before we are happy alone?

It's been said and will be said many times by me and others: We need to fall in love with ourselves first. Become our own best friend and lover, and then, only then feel compelled to share all this love we have inside. A woman glowing in her Bliss is irresistible. She is a Goddess, she is a wolf. She doesn't recycle men, she finds her wolf to run with.